GCSE exam answers

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Blogg, Jan 22, 2007.

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  1. The following questions and answers are said to have been collected from last year's GCSE exam papers in Swindon.

    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
    pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
    tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax the
    abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains
    the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
    A,E,I,O and U.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
    A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: What is a terminal illness?
    A: When you are sick at the airport

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like

    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head
  2. Now I take offense to this, being until recently a soap-dodging student.

    At no point where GCSE examiners ever nasty enough to ask questions that were as taxing as those...................... :thumleft:

    (Btw who changed the emoticons.......the new ones are shite!)

    (Edited for GCSE standard spelling)
  3. :thumleft: Love it, but I don't think it's only the moonrakers :wink:

  4. When does their Sandhurst intake start??? Thick fcukers :cyclopsani: