Gay mates.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Awol, May 29, 2005.

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  1. Chaps, I need advice.

    A couple of years ago on a jolly abroad through work, I met a bloke who hailed from my hometown. I vaguely recognised him and it turned out that his girlfriend of a few years ago had rented a house from me. We got on like a house on fire and shared many beers over a rather drunken weekend. Over the past couple of years we kept arranging to meet up again but for one reason or another it never actually happened, until last night when he was back in town to see his old man and we arranged to meet in a local pub.

    The first alarm bell went off when instead of gripping my hand in decent blokey sort of way, he went straight into the hug thing. Now call me a social luddite if you will, but hugging should be reserved for one's kids, very elderly and slightly dribbly grandparents with large country estates, posh tarts called Fiona or Tara or the fcuking French. It is not the sort of thing sober blokes should ever do to each other and certainly not in a crowded towncentre pub when surrounded by people who have known you since you had long hair and short trousers and worshipped Paper Lace.

    Anyway it all went t!ts up because he was expecting a hug to the left, I was caught offguard (wrong-footed?) and went to the right and we ended up in an ungainly clinch with elbows, knees and noses all touching and mouths in perilous proximity. I extricated myself as quickly as was humanly possible, looked round to see why a busy pub had gone so quiet and saw a lifetime of heterosexual reputation disintegrating in a hundred knowing looks. Bugger...

    Sitting down with a beer, matey boy sits next to me. Alarm bell number 2 starts ringing, quieter than number 1 but getting louder. In a normal situation the convention would be for two blokes to sit opposite each other at a small table, talk bollards and try to push the share price of Wadworths up through the roof whilst marvelling at the young female form. Having matey next to me just felt wrong, as did the way he leaned into my space and looked at me the whole time instead of leering heathily at 18 year old Belinda who had somehow squeezed into one of her Barbie's skirts and was sitting eight feet away with the eyes of a deer and breasts that had their own gravitational field.

    By now I was pretty sure that matey was 'confused' and decided that I'd make it clear that I was actually very happy being unconfused the next time anything untoward happened. I didn't have to wait long. Turning to follow Belinda's buttocks as they wobbled past I felt the cnut ruffle my hair and comment on my oh so radical (irony alert) zero haircut. It's now serious, that sort of thing just isn't done unless you are a turd burglar of Raffle's proportions and hunting for a new playmate. Slapping his hand down, I snarled 'don't fcuking touch me' and went to the bar to refuel and to ponder the situation. I decided I felt a bit sorry for the bloke and as I had made it quite clear I wasn't playing I thought it wouldn't hurt to see the night out to have a few more beers. Tactical mistake of Gallipolian proportions...

    Two pubs later, nearly midnight, p1ssed as farts. Matey sitting next to me in a window seat (excusable this time, no other seats available). I'm realising with growing clarity that matey is in fact a bit of a tosser, but I'm feeling quite mellow in a live and let live non-DailyMail sort of way (totally out of character for me but, hey, that's beer for you..) until he....grabs my arm, holds my arm for what seemed a VERY long time and leans across to....fcuk knows, because I didn't wait any longer. I literally peeled his fingers from my arm, stood up and without a word walked out of the pub and sought refuge in another before staggering home in a zigzaggy sort of way that we all know so well.

    Now chaps, this morning I'm wondering...did I do the right thing? Should I have left after one drink? Have I misread the whole thing and need to be more of a modern man? Should I have battered him to death with a barstool and taken Belinda home in a daze to introduce her to my wife?

    Help. Please. I'm in mental turmoil here.
  2. fill the cnut (or should that be c0ck)in... simple

    lets face it "dont touch me" didnt work so just give him a good fisting*

    * in the face

    compatability love test

    If your a straight man reading this great, if your a gay man reading this great, if your a straight women reading this great, and if your a gay women great too.

    When you hear this word, what is your physical reaction? Do you hide in dear that someone is looking over your should that your reading about something thats GAY? Will you quickly close this page and re-open when everyone has gone? If you do, why?

    Do straight men actually hate gay men because there wifes or girlfriends love having a guy around who doesnt fancy the ass off them? They may not be able to give them what they want sexually, but gay men give advice and love in manye different ways and levels that a straight man may not be able to do or even attempt to do. If you think about it as a straight guy, gay men like men? Right! So if your liked by men and women wouldnt that be great! But there is no reason for you to all be hating the gay community at all.

    lesbians are accepted more than gay men, as straight men would approve of lesbians, most of them anyway. But also straight women would love to see two men going at it also. Its a curious thing.

    If you could choose, would you be liked by only women, only men, or both? I would choose both. The word GAY has been around for years, but recently its been acceptable that the gay community is being accepted into the world as something that happens.

    Its mainly men who hate the gay men, why is this though? Are they offended that they are seen as attractive by someone of the same sex, or are you insulted that they want to have sex with you?

    Women dont just jump all over men, and men dont just jump all over women, its disresectful, so gay men wont just jump onto straight men.

    So why is the word gay hard to talk about it. Lesbians are being more and more widely accepted, some music videos are now at the centre of the whole area of gay. Madonna and Briteny and Christina kiss, that was excellent, and some may have seen it as disgusting, its a way to get attention and sell records, thats why they did it.

    You could one day as a straight man, confide in someone who is gay. They are still only human and deserve love and affection the same way anybody does.

    Admission that some gay men are over the top, when they need not be, which does irritate nrealy the whole population of the planet. Marco from Big brother (who shouldnt really get a mention on here) was a person who hyped it all up. But in the long run he was seen as a good character, who sometimes was bitchy!!

    So if a straigh heterosexual family has a baby boy, and turned out to be gay, what would happen, the dad would know and make the childs life hell??? Maybe not, it wont happen in this day an age. When they are old enough to decide they want to come out they will, and at the time they do it will be fine, as all there friends will give them all the attention and support they need.

    Some areas of the world arnt ready for the gay community to arrive, but it shouldnt be on a time scale at all. If your ready to come out come out!!! Being afraid is the end of it all. You've worried about it all that your going to get beaten up, but people get beaten up over football, hooligans and alcoholic drinking, its all part of life, and its if your able to stand up and face the world.

    When someone is gay they are hidden away, now they are not afraid to. Humans, be it gay , black, white, chinese, or any ethnic origin, we all accept everyone of them - I do!! This planet isnt just made up of one species of animal, or plant, or rock, so why do we have to be the same!!! Cause we dont, they are an abundance of personalities around the globe and the word G A Y is being highly accepted.

    MAN - Chester is a great way to pull forward the ways of the world. Liverpool is the Capital of Culture, but it would still be hard for anyone to bring up a child in some areas of the world!

    Straight, gay, bisexual. These are just words, and if you mum turned out to be a lesbian, she is still your mum, or even your dad, he might turn out to be gay. If it hasnt happened to you yet it will, not in terms of everyones family turning gay, but you will come across someone who is, and you will or will not find them as your best friend.
  4. Being a Daily Mail reader, I think you did rather well. He certainly got off lightly, especially compared with what Doorbundle or Doughnut might have meted out (ice skates perchance?). Were the leather chaps, gringo mustache and SS cap not a bit of a clue as to him batting for Middlesex?

    Baffled of Leicester 8O
  5. awol its your thred you get first shot at yannie :wink:
  6. yannie......fuck off with your bullshit.....that means fuck all to ayone!
  7. You shouldn't have shown him your tattoo: it was unfairly raising his expectations.
  8. You should have shut your eyes and let nim flute you

    Just as he's about to swallow jab him in the throat and kick him in the spuds... that should have made your point quite clearly
  9. hey Yannie, have you found out if your fake boyfriend got whacked yet?
  10. You think my skimpy leather shorts were a mistake?
  11. Those and the cowboy hat and boots
  12. Damn..
  13. Chickenpunk is an authority on gay relations, mainly all failed but still an authority.

    Amongst his string of lovers, Julian Clary, Dale Winton, the little ponce from the Communards. Elton John knocked him back for being far too camp, but not being silly enough to knock back a cracking blowjob still has him round for cheese and semen sandwiches and gay porn parties.

    His marraige is a sham and bough his wife off a phillipino website for £900
  14. He was robbed! I could have flogged him my mate's maid for 500 quid!
  15. Bitch, just because I refused your demands that I fist you with a medieval Knight's armoured gauntlet. I want both my gerbils back... and my leopardskin print windproof smock.