Gary Glitter Exclusive

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by mistersoft, Aug 18, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. You’ve possibly seen it and heard it before, ‘Calls may be recorded for training purposes’ and yes sometimes they are and not just on the phone. I can now exclusively reveal the conversation that took place when Paul Gadd, alias Gary Glitter booked his holiday in a branch of Paedo Travel run by Fred Paedo and don’t let the name fool you. Actually his real name is MacDonald but after a lengthy court case, he had to revert to his mother’s maiden name and so the business was renamed as Paedo Travel. He just wanted to attract the right sort of person and judging by this conversation, he failed miserably.

    Sigourney: Good morning
    Paul (Gary): Yeh, whatever.
    Sigourney: Do you mind if we record this conversation?
    Paul (Gary): Fill your boots darling.
    Sigourney: And what can I do for you?
    Paul (Gary): Not much, you must be at least 19. Way too old for my tastes.
    Sigourney: I mean regarding a holiday.
    Paul (Gary): I need a holiday.
    Sigourney: You’ve come in the right place.
    Paul (Gary): That makes a change legally and morally speaking.
    Sigourney: I don’t understand.
    Paul (Gary): You’re not supposed to darling.
    Sigourney: Do you need help deciding.
    Paul (Gary): Nah darling, it’s probably the opposite though the shock therapy does seem to do something.
    Sigourney: And where would you like this holiday to take place?
    Paul (Gary): On earth.
    Sigourney: Can you be more specific?
    Paul (Gary): On earth and soon.
    Sigourney: A bit more specific.
    Paul (Gary): I need some action.
    Sigourney: White water rafting?
    Paul (Gary): Not today thanks, I’m trying to book a holiday.
    Sigourney: So that doesn’t float your boat then.
    Paul (Gary): Not usually though it depends on who’s onboard.
    Sigourney: Would you like to travel abroad?
    Paul (Gary): Do you mean like Wales?
    Sigourney: Yes.
    Paul (Gary): No, not enough virgins.
    Sigourney: Anywhere else in the UK?
    Paul (Gary): Doubt it.
    Sigourney: I quite agree, I’ll check on the computer.
    Paul (Gary): You and me both darling but never take it to PC World if it goes t1ts up.
    Sigourney: I’ve heard they’re expensive.
    Paul (Gary): It was bloody expensive for me darling.
    Sigourney: Would you consider going abroad?
    Paul (Gary): Not until I’ve booked my holiday.
    Sigourney: I mean for a holiday.
    Paul (Gary): I suppose.
    Sigourney: That’s Thailand, the local children performing surrounded by well wishers.
    Paul (Gary): Do the well wishers have a club and can I join?
    Sigourney: And this is Cambodia showing some homeless children.
    Paul (Gary): I’d give ‘em a home and so much more.
    Sigourney: I’m sure you would.
    Paul (Gary): Bloody right I would.
    Sigourney: Moving on, this is Vietnam.
    Paul (Gary): North or south?
    Sigourney: Sort of central but on the coast.
    Paul (Gary): Any homeless children there?
    Sigourney: I’ll ask a colleague.
    Sigourney: Loads of them unfortunately.
    Paul (Gary): I’ll take it. Book me in for month and close to a children’s play area.
    Sigourney: I’ll process that for you sir. I can just see the faces of the children when you turn up.
    Paul (Gary): You and me both darling.

    And that was the last of Paul Gadd that Paedo Travel ever saw. His arrest in Vietnam came as a real shock to Sigourney, so much so she left the travel industry and is now working as an exotic dancer at a local club. Fred Paedo a great believer in names has now unfortunately gone out of business and if the weather is fine, you can find him in the local park drinking cheap cider. ACBTA, the Association of Crap British Travel Agents informed us that while every check is made on locations and customers, the fact that a middle aged man was buying up quantities of young children in an under developed country did not cause them any alarm. They have of course updated all their procedures and the chances of this happening again, have probably dropped to about 50-50. Nobody from Vietnam was prepared to talk about this but a local government spokesman was (allegedly) reported as saying “he was crap anyway” obviously referring to Mr Gadd’s previous life as some sort of singer.

    Article by Lardbucket McNasty, celebrated SCUM journalist.
    Winner of the Wurlitzer Prize of 2005 and runner up of the I Know Bruce Willis Award in 2006.

    In tomorrow’s SCUM an exclusive interview with Simon Cowell . Find out about his loves, his hates and why he’s such a tosser.
  2. Mistersoft. I salute you.
  3. He's got his Release Date, a 12 year old from a neighbouring town.
  4. In the name of the sweet baby Jesus - WHY?

    He is a rambling old boring cunt who clocks up posts quicker than Dale has lovers.
  5. Gary Glitter's been arrested!!??
  6. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    This time tomorrow he'll have been released.
  7. The deranged b@stard actually thinks he's coming back to resume his music career. Anybody care to rate his chances of getting out of Heathrow alive, let alone bringing the house down at a 70s weekend at Butlins in Skegness?

    I've heard rumours that the Met will board the plane and arrest him as soon as he lands. He's to be charged with the crimes he thought he'd got away with in Cambodia.

    As I type this, the site is pulling up ads for Gary Glitter memorabilia and travel insurance. Nice!
  8. actually he has been offered a contract in advertising this below


  9. or looking after the school sports day....

  10. A filthy, dirty little Geordie paedo, was locked up today at Teesside Crown Court for running a massive kiddy porn site. Phillip Thompson (27yrs) was described as the mastermind of a website which was viewed by other paedo's in 33 countries. The Judge handed down an indefinite jail term.

    The dirty Geordie b&stard.
  11. Six years, maybe nine, then :roll:
  12. Quality.
  13. In this caring-sharing-everyone-has-human-rights country he will probably be singing at the 2012 olympics.

  14. People like him make my skin crawl , They should introduce sarah law in this country ,Take their passports off them for life and throw them on a island .
  15. Under the British Juducial system he will probably get a 50 quid fine, 10 minutes community service, police protection (paid for by people who have actually paid tax), a house (in a secrect location) and a nice new name. People like this make me frigging vomit and yet the media will be fighting over themselves to give this prick the limelight he certainly does not deserve.