funny things heard on the net

#1
i know its wrong and completely unprofessional and blah blah blah. but its fcuking funny!

but there are some things that you hear when people have took back the net from the net nazis and using the cloak of anonymity made the whole net laugh out loud. (you know the ones im on about!) stories of angry bears quite recently made me laugh. cant find a link


of course there is the little mispronounced words too like "bend over" instead of send over which gives your oppo/yozzer some doubt in what he heard.

so then arrsers... lets have them
 
#2
The ones 14 Sigs play when they come round to do the Comsec briefings are always good - heard one with some infantry officer losing it with someone big time. If anyone has it and it's legal to host it somewhere, would love to hear it again.
 
#3
Pretty much anything said is going to be amusing when something has gone wrong and the local rupert is summoned to talk to the CO via your means. Sucking up while using correct VP and everything has gone to ratshit should be an all arms course at RSS.
 
#6
Sorry to disappoint, I no longer have it
 
#8
A long, boring time into the nght in Germany....

'Ah!'
'Oh-ah?'
'Aaah!'
'Oooh-Aaah!'
'Ah!'
'Ah-ha!!!'

'Ah and Oh-Ah, this is One, minimise and see me tomorrow, Over!'

'Aaah..Roger- Out!'
'Oh, ah..Roger-Out!'

Such innocent pleasures..

F*ck knows what Ivan thought of it.

The Clangers were always good, too. :lol:
 
#10
"Look sharp the Brigadiers around somewhere". QOH on exercise up Soltau way. He was, I was driving him and he was listening in. :D

"I'm Tango 21, no you're not, I'm Tango 21". Both Yank tank formations which we just happened to mess with while on attachment to 14 sigs in our rebro. It was fun being given permission to cause mayhem.

What's the rule? Don't let the enemy know he is succeeding? Someone should have told them.
 
#11
Probably another myth, " Sunray Minor has turned his land rover over on the Hannover flyover over"
 
#12
One I got at about 2 in the morning whilst on guard was something along the lines of

Theres a clover in a Nova next to a Rover should i go over over.

made the night more interesting

and the ROO did complain once when he heard over the radio Our pizzas here.
 
#13
Don't forget the infamous 'Funk,I'm bored...'

Zero (obviously) goes utterly ballistic trying to find out who it is

unknown station replies with 'I'm not that funking bored'
 
#14
Once heard on a tesex

T30 de 0 send sitrep k
T30 My whole squadron is wiped out I am in the only tank left k
0 Have you completed your objective k
T30 No their is still some enemy left k
0 Time to die heroically then +
 
#15
A certain Brigadier on an FTX in the mid-80s recieved orders from Div and finished with a cheerie "Roger Out!".

Looking at what he had written down, he quickly developed a wrinkled brow and a worried look, before grabbing the handset and shamlessly uttering...."Roger back in again......"

All you could hear was the panicked slamming of 432 doors as the whole complex burst into howls of laughter!
 
#16
The year is 1968, in BAOR, and the whole battalion is rolling around Haltern playing extras for a documentary about the 17/21 Lancers.

Big scene of a battle group advancing; all India c/s are driving closed down and the lads are being bounced around and sweating like pigs... except for OC c/s India 1, riding along head up and goggles on. He chirps up, calling the 2 i/c, in plain langauge,

'Oh Cwiss, I feel just like Wommel!'

... obviously about to have an orgasm recreating the advance on Tobruk; then, as the post coital hunger knock kicks in he says,

'That was rather good fun! I think I'll have a sausage sarni to celebrate! Ha, ha!'

... and out of the ether a little voice chimes in,

'Well, I hope it feckin' chokes you, you cnut!'

The subsequent witch hunt was highly amusing but non-productive. Well, I ask you, how many available mikes are there in a whole company's worth of 432s? :D :D :D
 
#17
zero - roger, move now out !!

Fcuk how we laughed for the third time that night after just getting the det set up again....
 
#18
BOWMAN exercise trying to prove that combat works. Spend two days waiting around waiting for everthing to start. The exercise controller gets on the net, explains whats going to happen in the next couple of days etc. He ends his broadcast with "I would remind all call signs that this is a safety net so it should not be abused" Two seconds later somebody cut him out and played the circus theme tune over the net from his mobile. That was so fcuking funny, it made a tonk exercise. The exercise controller went absolutly batsh1t and tried to hunt down the culprit without much success.
 
#19
Heard over the net on Ulan/Prairie Eagle

OCdt X "We're under attack"
OC 204"From which direction?"
OCdt X"I don't know, but there's a tank perpendicular to my location"

Glad to see that the university education wasn't wasted then! :wink:
 
#20
This one on an AMF (L) exercise in Slovenia

German COS: Ve will be using the Veasals (weasals) to attack the position

Belgian Watchkeeper: Say again over

German COS: Ve will be using the Veasals (Weasals) to attack the position (a bit louder)

Belgian Watchkeeper: Say again over

German COS: Ve will be using the Veasals (Weasals) to attack the position (very much louder and rather agitated)

Belgian Watchkeeper: What are you using to attack the position

German COS: Veasals

Belgian Watchkeeper: Say again over

German COS: Veasals!!! (VERY LOUD)

Belgian Watchkeeper: Say again over

German COS: VEASALS, ZE LITTLE GERMAN TANK!!!


Still tickles me today.
 
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