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funny Similes

#1
No it isn't a typo!

I am constantly amused by the ever inventive use of similes by our brethren, but I am runing dry. Therefore, this is a plea to all out silver tongued-masters of irony, post your similes here.

e.g.

Sweating like a scouser in a spelling bee
As amusing as burning orphanage

etc etc.
 
#10
dead like madeline?

I'm as bored as Fritzl's daughter

it looked like rolf harris eating a banana

sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop

shaking like Muhammad Ali on a tumble dryer

ripped like a virgin's hymen
 
#12
Nipples like Bedford wheelnuts(Mil) Regarding a lady in an excited state

Like an Abbo's armpit(Aus) An alledgedly malodorous place.

Pull out my piles and call me macaroni.(Exclamation) An indication of surprise
 
#19
She,s seen more helmets than Hitler.

She s got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

Face like a plasterers radio.

Got a fanny like a Hippos yawn

Shes been shot over more times than Baghdad

Shes handled more balls than David James.

Shes got piss flaps like a gutted trout.

Shes seen more stiffs than Quincy

Shes been cocked more times than John Waynes shotgun.

Even the ferkin tide would not take her out.
 

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