funny Similes

#1
No it isn't a typo!

I am constantly amused by the ever inventive use of similes by our brethren, but I am runing dry. Therefore, this is a plea to all out silver tongued-masters of irony, post your similes here.

e.g.

Sweating like a scouser in a spelling bee
As amusing as burning orphanage

etc etc.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#3
Please Knocker,tell me that's a Wah, or are your reading skills really that bad?
 
#9
Legs said:
Please Knocker,tell me that's a Wah, or are your reading skills really that bad?
worth a try, it's early. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
#10
dead like madeline?

I'm as bored as Fritzl's daughter

it looked like rolf harris eating a banana

sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop

shaking like Muhammad Ali on a tumble dryer

ripped like a virgin's hymen
 
#12
Nipples like Bedford wheelnuts(Mil) Regarding a lady in an excited state

Like an Abbo's armpit(Aus) An alledgedly malodorous place.

Pull out my piles and call me macaroni.(Exclamation) An indication of surprise
 
#13
Left her with a face like a plasterers radio.

Sweating like Michael Jackson at a nativity play.
 
#18
Maninthestreet said:
My Favourite "As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University". :)
Sounds like a Blackadderism. :lol:
 
#19
She,s seen more helmets than Hitler.

She s got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

Face like a plasterers radio.

Got a fanny like a Hippos yawn

Shes been shot over more times than Baghdad

Shes handled more balls than David James.

Shes got piss flaps like a gutted trout.

Shes seen more stiffs than Quincy

Shes been cocked more times than John Waynes shotgun.

Even the ferkin tide would not take her out.
 
#20
Face like a welders bench

Shaking like a shitting dog
 
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