Funniest wind ups

#1
The old favourites, go and get
long boring wait,
glass hammers,
spirit level bubbles,
cordless extentions,
skirting board ladders,
tartan paint.....
er any more?
 
#2
Remember I was on basic at Pirbright and the guys used to fold the bottom sheet on your bed so that when you got in you could not get your legs all the way to the bottom. It never ceased to amuse.
 
#3
stabandswat said:
Remember I was on basic at Pirbright and the guys used to fold the bottom sheet on your bed so that when you got in you could not get your legs all the way to the bottom. It never ceased to amuse.
That used to be called an Apple pie bed.
Anyone who went to boarding school will remember that one.






Quack
 
#4
stabandswat said:
Remember I was on basic at Pirbright and the guys used to fold the bottom sheet on your bed so that when you got in you could not get your legs all the way to the bottom. It never ceased to amuse.
Known as an "apple pie"

bungee across the feet then lift the foot of the bed up 90 degrees - "Drawbridging" the victim and he dangles there till someone gets him down or he is able to bend up to free his feet.

Rincewind
 
#5
Once told an air cadet on a visit to do us a favour and go and turn off the windsock that was at the other end of the strip. After much protesting off he tootled. He was about 300m away before he stopped paused turned around and shouted some expletive!
 
#6
Whilst on a recruiting drive, I suggested to one of our Cpls to write a note and give it to a not-so-bright siggie. I gave the siggie a sledge hammer and the note and sent him across the car park to the RGJ's pitched up and told him to give them the note and wait for their reply......the note read:

"Give me you fcuking wallet or I'll smash your head in with this hammer. You cnut!"

Highly amusing.
 
#8
Isn't there an extremely long and interesting thread about this very subject in The Lamp And Sandbag?
 
#9
Cavalier said:
Whilst on a recruiting drive, I suggested to one of our Cpls to write a note and give it to a not-so-bright siggie. I gave the siggie a sledge hammer and the note and sent him across the car park to the RGJ's pitched up and told him to give them the note and wait for their reply......the note read:

"Give me you fcuking wallet or I'll smash your head in with this hammer. You cnut!"

Highly amusing.
Laughed so hard i have snot on my shirt.

Rincewind

PS am going to do this tonight to one of my cadets
 
#10
Rincewind said:
Cavalier said:
Whilst on a recruiting drive, I suggested to one of our Cpls to write a note and give it to a not-so-bright siggie. I gave the siggie a sledge hammer and the note and sent him across the car park to the RGJ's pitched up and told him to give them the note and wait for their reply......the note read:

"Give me you fcuking wallet or I'll smash your head in with this hammer. You cnut!"

Highly amusing.
Laughed so hard i have snot on my shirt.

Rincewind

PS am going to do this tonight to one of my cadets
What are you going to do?

Smash the cadet's swede in with a hammer or tell him / her to write fables on ARRSE about initiation type tricks?
 
#11
Urban Myth I hope: There's this game called 'w*nk for the tenner', wereby you get a room of p!ssed up lads and all put money into the pot (equaling a tenner, though this isn't mandatory). Then you turn the lights out and bang one out. The first to finish wins the loot.

The only thing is, none of you actually go through with it, you just tell the wierd kid who started hanging around with ya that night that you are, so after a minute or two the lighs are switched back on and he finds himself frapping one out in a room full of horrified looking lads. Ah, the long winter nights just flew by.
 
#12
One I saw in basic was quality. There was a mouthy little git who thought he was the big I AM cos he was 'in the army'. No one really liked him much and there was an older head who had spent time in the TA. After we got beasted because he cut the grass on the BPFA run he got a load of abuse in the rooms and he reacted to the TA lad. So... he got challenged to a match of "Balls". Basically the rules were that you took it in turns to kick each other in the knackers and whoever gave up first lost. TA guy got one of us to flip a coin (he got us to make sure he won) and went first. Mouthy recruit stood legs apart gritting his buck teeth and waited for impact. TA guy squares his man eggs away and he collapses on the deck. TA guy says "I give up"


Quality.
 
#13
I once sent a sprogg to the guardroom for the keys to the indoor mortar range "It's the tall narrow building". The dumbass RP full-screw phoned me up to ask if I meant the 30m range. After explaining the situation to him, he asked "what do you want me to do with him"? I'm not sure who was dumbest.. The sprogg (for going), the RP (for not instantly recognising what was required), or Me (for assuming such a simple gag would be exactly that). :x
 
#14
sent one r.l.c. mong to go an get the keys and work ticket for the dakota off the RSM and give it a first parade.
i never seen him all day.
asked him at knock off time where he had been.
reply was all around the Garrison picking up leaves.
poor bugger.
 
#15
Cavalier said:
Whilst on a recruiting drive, I suggested to one of our Cpls to write a note and give it to a not-so-bright siggie. I gave the siggie a sledge hammer and the note and sent him across the car park to the RGJ's pitched up and told him to give them the note and wait for their reply......the note read:

"Give me you fcuking wallet or I'll smash your head in with this hammer. You cnut!"

Highly amusing.
similar thing when we sent a young sapper to the pay office with a chain saw..............................priceless!!!!
 
#16
We had one new lad - thicker than a thick thing - searching the det bags and wagons for about half an hour looking for the pull-through for the 81.
 
#17
Apple pie beds.....quality.....

We had a lad who was so dense, we spent the whole 2 weeks of camp a couple of years ago making apple pie beds for him in the room, and he was convinced he had forgotten how to make the bed properly. We'd teach him every morning, he'd test the bed to make sure he could get in it, then at luchtime we'd race back to the room and 'apple pie' it......We howled with laughter, and he just couldnt understand where he was going wrong.

The japes were rounded off by a hooping of his toothbrush on a daily basis, and just to be sure, his toothpaste tube nozzle too, until one of the lads squeezed the tube as it was being 'introduced'.....

Minty fresh hoop after that....I wouldnt reccomend it
 
#18
I sprayed a mates arrse with Deep Heat once and he was running around and jumping like there was no tomorrow.
 

chrisg46

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
am i the only one who read stabandswat last comment and thought "err what?"
 
#20
I couldn't think of a way to write it without sounding gay so I just thought what the fcuk. He was in the changing rooms getting dressed and as he bent down to put his shreddies on I gave him a blast with the Deep Heat. No matter how gay it sounds it was bloody funny
 
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