funniest things you have ever heard

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Aug 6, 2009.

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  1. So heres my starter for ten:

    Some one was telling me this in the mess whilst i was taking a sip of my pint. And it went allover the bloke next to me:

    "I bought my blind uncle a cheese grater for his birthday and he said to me that it was the most violent book he had ever read!"

    So what wit have you arrsers heard lately??? Id been interested to have similar experience again of wit like that.
  2. "Be gentle, it's my first time"

    Your sister.
  3. Your mum said the same but strangely enough i never believed her
  4. I never beleived my mum when she said it softly to me either. :D
  5. "Tommy Atkins" - F ucking hilarious.
  6. When I was in A&E,a blind man came in with shredded fingers,said his feckin nephew gave him a cheese grater and told him it was a book
  7. " You can say whatever you want in the NAAFI on ARRSE, we're all adults/serving/ex members here and understand Squaddie banter for what it is." MDN...
  8. That gets my vote!!! :D
  9. He's so tight, he wakes himself up in the night to see how much time he's lost :lol:
  10. The sound of a car running over a pigeon.
  11. I saw a goose being ran over by a landrover in Dollar Park. The flap flap flap of it's wings as the wheel went around was hilarious.

    I'm sure there's a song in there.
  12. "Lets do a calendar for charity? Yes I know you look like Arthur Mullard, inflated to 8000 psi in a frock, but you'd make an ideal miss January, we can tastefully drape something over you, like a lorry tarpaulin?"
  13. Was that Hilda Baker to her latest admirer?
  14. RLC Lance Jack and all round Jack F*cker saying he's not Guilty of desertion. Funniest thing said since the newsreader on North West tonight said Michael Jackson was dead.