Funniest things in the world?

Funniest things in the world?

  • Someone getting drunk at Sqn do and Skiffing the OC's Wife

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Someone swamping the bed with wood and getting a sugar puff scented hair wash

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • A dog with worms dragging its ring along a carpet

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#2
Confuscius said:

"There is nothing funnier than seeing a very good friend fall off a very small ladder"

Obviously Confuscius never served or he would have said:

"There is nothing funnier than seeing a very good friend so pished he has lost all control of himself - has to be put to bed in the bath naked and is hosed down every two hours".

Not big drinkers the Chinese you see - no real source of high level humour.
 
#3
Small children falling over and crying . ...... f*cking cracks me up every time.

watching groups of grown men shuffle uncomfortably and bomb burst away from the squadron / pub boring c-unt , and leaving one victim to be "bezzered" to death.

sending someone a bluey , that contains nothing apart from a big butterfly pattern of butt mud .... winnets and hairs are a bonus.

these are a few of my favourite things. :D
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#5
People setting off landmines and booby traps: the look on their faces cracks me up every time :D
 
#6
My current favourite funny thing comes courtesy of the bunch of fat ladies that work in our office.

Every lunchtime, in the canteen they go through an elaborate charade that never fails to make me laugh out loud.

Despite the four of them having the combined weight of a big truck, they eat practically nothing. How can that be??

Each one of them prances around the jacket potato stand, saying things to the bloke like "Oooh, no butter thank you," and "Less beans than that please." They then purchase a diet coke or water, loudly of course. How have they managed to get so fcuking huge on such a spartan diet.

I always make a point of chuckling loudly enough for them to notice. My laugh is particularly articulate and manages to convey to the blimps exactly what i'm thinking,

'Who the fcuk are you trying to kid? I know you've got a binbag full of wagon wheels under your desk, and your going to be in the bogs in half an hour wearing it like a horses feedbag."

My other two things are people with their heads out of proportion to their bodies and officers doing drill.
 
#7
Anything that envolves other peoples misfortune never fails to get me giggling.

A few months back, i was walking down stairs and an American Major was walking up. As he reached the top of the flight, he lost his footing and creamed face first into the top step, using his teeth as brakes. Loads of blood and gore and i could hardly help the man up for the giggling fit i had decended into seeing the state of him.


Boney
 
#8
Papa Lazaroo trying to boot me out of chat and booting himself at the same time.

Quality.
 

Dirt_Diver

LE
Moderator
#9
Dale the snail said:
Papa Lazaroo trying to boot me out of chat and booting himself at the same time.

Quality.
only because we're on the same IP in the cyber cafe. tit. lucky tit too. and speaking of tits, are yours still saggy and wrinkly?
 
#10
Seeing some fella a couple of months back who'd just come out of the vets and was carrying a cat in one of those plastic baskets, he trips up and sends basket and cat flying.
 
#11
the_rigger said:
Is there anything funnier (other than overt homosexuality)?
One of my colleagues is an openly gay East German, about 6'6" tall, very well-groomed & well dressed. My boss is an Iraqi German. Boss keeps saying to gay colleague "Aah, we must find you a girlfriend!". Gay mate then instantly goes red & says "No, I don't think so", and shoots knowing glances at the rest of us. And the best thing about this guy is that you can make him go red on command, by saying... "püssy"! :lol:
 
#12
Seeing a guy go sideways off a kerb in one of these, i was fcukin howling, I did help him up like,but was still laughin, picture it as he was still holding the little joystick as it slo mo tipped over pmsl :lol:
 
#13
Rapierman said:
Seeing a guy go sideways off a kerb in one of these, i was fcukin howling, I did help him up like,but was still laughin, picture it as he was still holding the little joystick as it slo mo tipped over pmsl :lol:
Isn't that one of those smart car things :lol: almost ran over one in the landy the other day now that was funny.
 
#14
boney_m said:
Anything that envolves other peoples misfortune never fails to get me giggling.
Agree with you there Boney.
You know those big patio doors they have by swimming pools in the holiday hotels? there was a guy who wandered round in badly fitting trunks by the pool in Ibiza every day, with a gold medallion on, looking like a Bee Gee, boasting that he had pots of dosh, and really loving himself. The funniest thing I ever saw was his face when he had a large silver tray filled with drinks, being the big "I AM" and thought the patio doors were open as he headed out from the bar with them. They werent open. My mate shut them as he went in. :lol:
One of the doors actually shattered with the impact and there was blood all down his chest and (white) trunks. Not to mention the mess of glass and coctails. Nearly had a choking fit laughing at that, mind you, I wasnt the only one, he had been pissing people off for about 2 weeks. Even the waiters were supressing laughter. Poor man :wink:
 
#15
The funniest thing I ever saw was the owner of a outdoor go-kart track near JHQ trying to get one squaddie to stop going around the track after his allotted laps.

Everyone else had finished and were cheering on the solo driver at each pass of the owner, who, by this time was doing a brilliant impression of Basil Fawltey having an epileptic fit. He finally managed to block the track forcing the squaddie into the pit lane - where he encountered another Boxhead (who was waiting to go out to race) who had decided to use himself as a barrier to stop the rogue driver using the lane as a route back onto the track for another lap of honour.

To this very day the thought of the look on that Boxheads face as a speeding go-kart mowed him down brings a tear of laughter to my eye.

Even the RMP had a smirk on their faces when they turned up and the story unfolded. The GCP were less amused – the humourless gits
 
#16
BBQ in Soest circa 1990 outside block 52.

In attendance were the current Badge Man from 3 AAC plus several of the current SSM's from the same.

Jules the big cnut going over to an p1ssed and unconcious (in a deck chair wearing very skimpy shorts) Daz R**ter and spraying his exposed bell end and ball sack with ralgex.

The 30 second wait for lift off was akin to waiting for the space shuttle to launch. He shot up faster than Flash on the Reeperbahn, did a 2 second 100 metre dash to the showers only to discover (we could tell by the screaming) that putting water on Ralgex has a very painful and amusing side effect of making it burn even more :D

The same day that a now commisioned (then full screw pilot who was the ugliest man in NATO) decided that it would be a good idea to fire metal BB's at a passing RMP car and then throw the aforementioned weapon into the duty c*cks room, followed by a kangaroo court alledging that I had had sexual knowledge of an asian lady (found guilty) immediatley followed by the trial of my accuser for the same crime as he could not prove the heritage for the last 7 generations of her mate that he boned . Penalty - Top shelf whilst standing on head.

Day topped off by Jules microwaving a rat in Salamancas NAAFI microwave, the workmans shed outside the block being burned for firewood and a green smoke being lobbed into Paddy Sh*ws immaculate bunk.

Average Saturday in good old BFG :)
 
#17
A few moons ago, i think i would have to say it was a group of people who had managed to aquire mini flares, and were firing them at each other, but the odd one or two went soaring into the air.

Not a problem i hear you say, well it wouldnt have been but it was at aldergrove.

It made all the incoming flights be diverted as the pilots thought the airport was closed.

Laughing my head off as the RAF coppers came round to tell the guys to pack it in, instead they just had mini flares fired at them.

Funny as hell seeing there faces as they drove off in the land rover being chased by a hail of mini flares.
 
#18
Sabre said:
A few moons ago, i think i would have to say it was a group of people who had managed to aquire mini flares, and were firing them at each other, but the odd one or two went soaring into the air.

Not a problem i hear you say, well it wouldnt have been but it was at aldergrove.

It made all the incoming flights be diverted as the pilots thought the airport was closed.

Laughing my head off as the RAF coppers came round to tell the guys to pack it in, instead they just had mini flares fired at them.

Funny as hell seeing there faces as they drove off in the land rover being chased by a hail of mini flares.
I can see it now:..... 8)

"I have no live rounds or empty cases in my possession, but would you mind if I just kept these for a while, I'm going to fire them at some snowdrops?" :twisted: :twisted:

"Crack on, son. Just give me back the empty packet when you're finished" :wink:

"Aye Sarge, no worries" smirking... the very thing! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#19
Watching a rather large and overweight American fellow clambering up the ratlines of a Tall-Ship, wearing nothing but a G-String :D

It was even more amusing when one of his fellow charterers let a halyard go at the rush, and the fast moving, very coarse rope wedged itself up his crack... 8O. Ah, the memories of the smell of burning cotton, pubes and clinker drifting over the deck under the hot Caribbean sun, and the screams, the screams.......... :D :D
 

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