Funniest things in the world?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by the_rigger, Jan 28, 2005.

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  1. Someone getting drunk at Sqn do and Skiffing the OC's Wife

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  2. Someone swamping the bed with wood and getting a sugar puff scented hair wash

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  3. A dog with worms dragging its ring along a carpet

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  1. Is there anything funnier (other than overt homosexuality)?
  2. Confuscius said:

    "There is nothing funnier than seeing a very good friend fall off a very small ladder"

    Obviously Confuscius never served or he would have said:

    "There is nothing funnier than seeing a very good friend so pished he has lost all control of himself - has to be put to bed in the bath naked and is hosed down every two hours".

    Not big drinkers the Chinese you see - no real source of high level humour.
  3. Small children falling over and crying . ...... f*cking cracks me up every time.

    watching groups of grown men shuffle uncomfortably and bomb burst away from the squadron / pub boring c-unt , and leaving one victim to be "bezzered" to death.

    sending someone a bluey , that contains nothing apart from a big butterfly pattern of butt mud .... winnets and hairs are a bonus.

    these are a few of my favourite things. :D
  4. A Tranvestite. They fcuking crack me up!! :lol:
  5. People setting off landmines and booby traps: the look on their faces cracks me up every time :D
  6. My current favourite funny thing comes courtesy of the bunch of fat ladies that work in our office.

    Every lunchtime, in the canteen they go through an elaborate charade that never fails to make me laugh out loud.

    Despite the four of them having the combined weight of a big truck, they eat practically nothing. How can that be??

    Each one of them prances around the jacket potato stand, saying things to the bloke like "Oooh, no butter thank you," and "Less beans than that please." They then purchase a diet coke or water, loudly of course. How have they managed to get so fcuking huge on such a spartan diet.

    I always make a point of chuckling loudly enough for them to notice. My laugh is particularly articulate and manages to convey to the blimps exactly what i'm thinking,

    'Who the fcuk are you trying to kid? I know you've got a binbag full of wagon wheels under your desk, and your going to be in the bogs in half an hour wearing it like a horses feedbag."

    My other two things are people with their heads out of proportion to their bodies and officers doing drill.
  7. Anything that envolves other peoples misfortune never fails to get me giggling.

    A few months back, i was walking down stairs and an American Major was walking up. As he reached the top of the flight, he lost his footing and creamed face first into the top step, using his teeth as brakes. Loads of blood and gore and i could hardly help the man up for the giggling fit i had decended into seeing the state of him.

  8. Papa Lazaroo trying to boot me out of chat and booting himself at the same time.

  9. Dirt_Diver

    Dirt_Diver LE Moderator

    only because we're on the same IP in the cyber cafe. tit. lucky tit too. and speaking of tits, are yours still saggy and wrinkly?
  10. Seeing some fella a couple of months back who'd just come out of the vets and was carrying a cat in one of those plastic baskets, he trips up and sends basket and cat flying.
  11. One of my colleagues is an openly gay East German, about 6'6" tall, very well-groomed & well dressed. My boss is an Iraqi German. Boss keeps saying to gay colleague "Aah, we must find you a girlfriend!". Gay mate then instantly goes red & says "No, I don't think so", and shoots knowing glances at the rest of us. And the best thing about this guy is that you can make him go red on command, by saying... "püssy"! :lol:
  12. Seeing a guy go sideways off a kerb in one of these, i was fcukin howling, I did help him up like,but was still laughin, picture it as he was still holding the little joystick as it slo mo tipped over pmsl :lol:
  13. Isn't that one of those smart car things :lol: almost ran over one in the landy the other day now that was funny.
  14. Agree with you there Boney.
    You know those big patio doors they have by swimming pools in the holiday hotels? there was a guy who wandered round in badly fitting trunks by the pool in Ibiza every day, with a gold medallion on, looking like a Bee Gee, boasting that he had pots of dosh, and really loving himself. The funniest thing I ever saw was his face when he had a large silver tray filled with drinks, being the big "I AM" and thought the patio doors were open as he headed out from the bar with them. They werent open. My mate shut them as he went in. :lol:
    One of the doors actually shattered with the impact and there was blood all down his chest and (white) trunks. Not to mention the mess of glass and coctails. Nearly had a choking fit laughing at that, mind you, I wasnt the only one, he had been pissing people off for about 2 weeks. Even the waiters were supressing laughter. Poor man :wink:
  15. The funniest thing I ever saw was the owner of a outdoor go-kart track near JHQ trying to get one squaddie to stop going around the track after his allotted laps.

    Everyone else had finished and were cheering on the solo driver at each pass of the owner, who, by this time was doing a brilliant impression of Basil Fawltey having an epileptic fit. He finally managed to block the track forcing the squaddie into the pit lane - where he encountered another Boxhead (who was waiting to go out to race) who had decided to use himself as a barrier to stop the rogue driver using the lane as a route back onto the track for another lap of honour.

    To this very day the thought of the look on that Boxheads face as a speeding go-kart mowed him down brings a tear of laughter to my eye.

    Even the RMP had a smirk on their faces when they turned up and the story unfolded. The GCP were less amused – the humourless gits