Discussion in 'Sappers' started by Ronnie8781, Apr 5, 2006.
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Title says it all!!!
well the posting bloke who put you in my troop was having a laugh!!
But there was the time that we paper mache chinney in his room that was funny!
Or spiking Poopong Mcjock with viagra, putting on some porn then hilariously watch the results!! He came out in the corridor and midnight saying he couldnt sleep cos he couldnt get rid of his hard on!!
lol that was a good night............for you when you offered to get rid of it for him!!!
but seriously that was funny!!
you two (13_EA_72 & Ronnie8781) using this forum as a chat net
Come on knocker tell em about sevvy burns in kenya
While in 35 Eons ago an MT Cpl had been whining about a posting for months.
The CC and Some other Offrs/Seniors put together a spoof posting order blah, blah MT Cpl running round bragging about posting getting on every ones nads.
Sooo they let it drag on anticipating a huge laugh when he eventually clicked.
The poor sod only went and sold his brand new tax free car at a huge loss though .
Believe they moved heaven and earth to get him that post so they all won in the end.
ok then here goes.
whilst in kenya we had two young "bayonets" turn up half way through the tour, the troop were stationed up in the "aberdare" game reserve in tents behind some p1ss poor barbed wire, to keep the wildlife out........not.
we had prior notice that they were arriving so we got the lec's(locally employed civvies) to dress up as proper masai warriors & wait in the tent for them to arrive.
so the 2 "sprogs" tip up on site fresh from the factory & young "seve" burns is directed to his tent where he will be living oblivious to the fact that there are 3 or 4 lec's waiting in there armed to the teeth.
the poor little cnut came back out of that tent like a feckin polaris missile swiftly followed by the lec's chasing him with spears & shields. the whole troop lined up watching & p1ssing themselves laughing
it took hours for the poor little cnut to calm down but for the rest of us it was pure quality
Vi**e Gal***er and Me in canada and a great time gluing this down!! hahaha
we glued a stinking lads toothbrush and paste down to the table and he didn't notice for a month eeerrruuugghhh!!
we also got a small baby snake and fed it under and 9 para's full screws door while he was on the phone to his mum!! hhahah 6ft 2 and screeming like a girl "mum help mum" hahaha we p*ssed ourselves and then told these canadians in the bar and found out if the snake had bit us then we would have had to have major surgery to the affected area if we were lucky we might still have kept our limps!! didn't play with snakes after that!! lol
Vi**e was playing dance of the flaming arrseholes when some welsh guard pr*ck sprayed lighter fluid all over his arrse!! it wasn't funny at the time but it was for weeks after listening to vi**e having a shite *strain* arrrrrggghhh *strain* hahahaha
one of the lads who used to be in dog sqn now moved on trying for all he was worth to bump start a wacker out in canada
not just one quick go spent a long time trying
then had a strop and refused to talk to anyone
go on HEART_STOPPER tell em about haggis day
oh christ yeah
same bloke now a jnco at gib not instructing thankfully
med man 2 04
same bloke sitting in the g10 at end ex cleaning the stores as you do
jock guards in the naafi bar on the lash loads of st andrews flags up etc
so i asked one of the lads (hurraghfortheRE) if it was some special jock day as hes one of them
he picks up instantly what im upto and replies "its haggis day"
mong bloke pipes up "I did'nt know haggis were a real animal"
at this i looked at the floor as i could hardly contain myself
jock then goes on about how one legs shorter than the other
so when you chase them anti-clockwise they fall down the hills they live on into special sacks used to catch em
mong bloke completely believes this and jocks just about to start on clan tartan
when the remainder of us p*** ourselves laughing at him
mong bloke then strops off in a huff only to be caught leaving the g10 by the qm (angry dad) and gets crap off him as well
same bloke stropped out on the forward yard (gate 9)
walks off to the foden drops whilst shouting abuse at us and not watching where he's going
doesnt realise the cab doors open and walks into head first sparking himself out
laugh i really do think a bit of wee came out
so j***e m***g**e thanks for the laughs
you are soooooooooooo mis-informed my friend
Zoology of the Haggis
Part 1: MythsPart 2: FactsPart 3: ZoologyPart 4: History Part IPart 5: History Part IIPart 6: Hunting tipsPart 7: JargonPart 8: The GhilliePart 9: Burns' nichtPart 10: RecipesPart 11: DrinksPart 12: Other usesPart 13: Hunting pioneers
The Enthusiastâs Cryptozoologicon tells us that the haggis is a member of the family of duck-filled phatypuds (of the genus umbrus), the group from which the Australian duck-billed platypus derives. The creatures are believed to be the descendants of a migrating group of phatypuds trapped in Europe during the last ice age. They evolved thick pelts and layers of blubber to survive in the cold damp conditions gripping the continent. So well did they adapt that they began to thrive and multiplied in huge numbers. But as the glaciers retreated and the melt waters dried, the haggis had to flee north to escape the rising temperatures. As the planet warmed, there were fewer and fewer habitats suitable for the haggii, needing as they did almost constant rain and a chill climate. Thus it was that Scotland became the only place in the world where haggii can be found.
Latin name: Marag fabulosus.
Natural enemies: Anything with teeth, anything larger than a football and, of course, midges, the natural enemy of every living thing.
Food: Heather, blaeberries, turnips and potatoes.
Habitat: Cold and wet regions of Scotland.
Range: The haggis can be found anywhere in Scotland. However the creatures become harder to find after 30 November, the start of the hunting season. Centuries of persecution have obviously caused these creatures to be cautious at this time of year. On 31 December, something very unusual happens: haggii move east across the country in huge numbers. The reason for this mass migration is unknown. This could be an example of co-evolution as most of the human inhabitants of the country are in no condition to hunt on 31 December or 1 January and the haggii can move unmolested.
Mating habits: The mating season starts on 25 January, a date after which it is illegal to hunt the haggis. Most mating attempts are unsuccessful, possibly due to the cold weather. However a successful female will lay literally hundreds of eggs. This strategy is the only reason that the haggis has survived.
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