Here's my nomination:
So last night, it's our wedding anniversary and so I'm looking to give the lady who has made my life complete a special treat. To this end, and myself having been on the receiving end of many a wondrous hoop-dhobie from sluts both paid and unpaid from Wolverhampton to Warsaw, I though it fitting that I should give her her own very first ring wash.
Upon assuming the position, I'm happily reminded that since our children were Caeserean births both flaps are still in pristine, symetric condition. In fact, the beautieous wonder of the wife's well oiled chuff only increased my desire to do this most special and delicate of things. She was up for trying it although chose to remind me once more that she hadn't washed since our session yesterday morning. This leaves me unabashed as I'm quite a fan of the salty fish slice and the crusty remains of my own dear spoodge to the southeast of the left flap was evidence enough that the going was going to be fragrant, to say the least. What I wasn't expecting was the tiny ball of shoite just inside the pink bit of the anus. Now, using a finger to move it away seemed unnecessarily intrusive and likely to make her self conscious so, pausing only to burp loudly, I licked the little fella up and delved deeper. All went extremely well with most encouraging noises from up top and the crusty spooge I'd also inadvertantly licked up went well with the spicy beef taste of the pizza we'd hastily scoffed before whilst watching suitbably filthy porn to get in the mood. After the dhobi and shag, I leant down to kiss the missus but she wasn't having any of it. Off I went to grab some mouthwash but the devil caught me on the landing and I decided to pretend to wash and then returned to give her a proper kiss. Now, I've never done this before so when she tasted the spangle she was very, very unhappy. Then - and I honestly didn't plan this - the little ball of the brown stuff which had lodged itself in my teeth transferred to her on sweet mouth. She moved her tongue over it and asked what it was. "Oh, that's just a little ball of shite I found on the outside of your rectum my darling. I thought it best to eat it. Don't worry." She went absofucvinglutly nuts - in our 4 years of marriage I have never seen her go so genuinely apoplectic. Even after various burglaries and being shot at by the locals in a township, she managed to keep composed but the reality is that she finally realises just how low I am prepared to go in the effort to shock her. She was retching until 4 and hasn't called or even texted me all morning. If there is a next time, I'll be sure to Karcher the whole passage before delving in, the seflish feckin stinky chuffed hooer.