funnies from op banner

Discussion in 'Northern Ireland (Op BANNER)' started by davethedog, Oct 30, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. killyvilly pcp bored to tears after 15 days, my mucker decides to tell the locals that all army dogs are getting binned as to expensive, and that the sf will be using chickens from now on to carry out searches, politely asked ocupants to get out of the vehicle as he needs to search it ,at the same time he pulls an egg out of his pocket,and procceds to search the vehicle ,ocupants are standing there with their mouths open ,he then turns round and says dont worry we,re teaching them young. :D
    ps i,m c**p at telling jokes or funny stories ,but hopefully this will get the thread going :wink:
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Get a packet of Refreshers or similar non-descript coloured sweets. Stop car at VCP, explain to local that we won't keep him a minute, won't even need to carry out a full search as we have a new type of explosive detector. Put green refresher on car roof, then keep driver talking and explain that the detector will change colour if explosives are present. Other team member palms green sweet and replaces it with red one. Cue excited reaction from patrol, blustering protests from local, followed by patrol disappearing into the cuds, laughing like children.
    • Like Like x 5
  3. good one :D
  4. Groundhog (tracker dog,a long haired German shepherd to be precise) sank its teeth into one of our blokes after he ran through the scent-trail during an RPG7 attach in Belfast in 1984.

    Sadly he is no longer with us.

    RIP Egor Brown.
  5. VCP or P check, skip a bag of tik taks into the pocket or dash board of car or person, durng search, pull them out and start giving them some shoite about being a low life junky, works well on people who are nice middle class people, watch them turn funny colours whilst you pretend to call for RUC backup.
  6. Was Killyvilly the one with the old fella who lived in the bungalow next to it, he usually asked the road man to set his clock for him in the morning. We gave him all the 10 man Rat Pack Ghoularse and Cheese Possessed, he lived like a king that week. I can never remember if that was Killyvilly or Kilturk.
  7. 20 yrs ago but i,m sure that was killyvilly
  8. Shutting KFC Supervisor into walk in fridge in Ballykelly when she wouldn't do fresh food for us just before closing :twisted:
  9. my first operational house search with my aes dog .one parent family good looking and a nice body , get everyone down stairs in living room ,i then proceed to search upstairs ,1st bedroom clear 2nd bedroom master dog shows loads of interest around the bed , so i gave him loads of incouragement ,the dog heads dives under the bed before i could call him of hes away down the stairs with something in his mouth, thinking to myself bo**x ,i leg it down stairs and into the living room all the troops are in tears including ruc man, woman searcher(rmp) doesnt know where to put her face , occupant face red as thunder sam happy as larry chewing on a 10" dildo. got a bollo***g for putting it down as an operational find ravc no sense of humour.
  10. Switching VJ on and sweeping around individuals/interior of car.
    Cue puzzled looks from civvies as it bleeps.....
  11. Search of a house in the Bog in 76, home of a scrotal sac calling himself the "Bde Adjutant" ('Tits' to his pals). Entering the front door, we found ourselves walking up an incline of impacted and very old, ripe rubbish. The bedroom, toilet and kitchen were indescribably vile, handkerchiefs having to be held over the nose. The mattress (no bed) actually 'squished' when trodden on, prompting one of the RE team to vomit and leave. We all had to be deloused on our return to Bde, and all clothing was removed on the square and burned.

    Another interesting search situation was of the trucks which came across at Middletown from Monaghan Meats, deeply loaded with a fortnights' worth of juicy remains from the abattoir there. The duty search team always got the joke. Loverly...
  12. This may bring back some memories!
  13. standing in royal av just after gch got creamed a nun walked up and asked "was it a bombe soldier" " no love it was a freak fu***** wind" replied my mate. "tis the lord repaying us for our sins" she said as she blessed us and walked up castle street. we fell about pissing ourselves .
  14. Ho yuss! It was an endless source of amusement for us to send those wagons from Keady to be searched. Happy days.
  15. Getting on the school bus to do a search, as a first timer in Belfast and getting all the packed lunches thrown at you. Then spent rest of patrol trying to scrape dairylea of my kit.
    Then getting your own back by delaying the same bus on the day it was needed for the school trip so the little bastards missed out.
    • Like Like x 2