Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ugly, May 17, 2007.

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  1. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    I was dealing with a new subcontractor who was about to start a drilling job in a small access tunnel at work and he asked me not to call him this afternoon with a start time as he was attending a funeral.
    I jokingly replied "I hope he has a confined space permit?"
    He retorted, "No its a cremation!"
    Quick as a flash I replied, " I hope he has a hot works permit?!"
    We somehow got on really well after that and although I didnt stay with the company he still remembers me!
  2. Talking to a contractor site manager a while back....

    On a previous site one of the lads had pegged it, and Bob duly represented the company and attended his funeral. As it looked a bit overcast he took a brolly from the site with him.

    At the burial service it started to rain, so Bob flipped open the brolly.........only to find the cnuts from the site had filled it with all the "holes"?? from the office hole punches. He said the minister just looked at him in disgust as he was completely covered in white dots. :lol:
  3. I buried my wife last week.

    Shame she wasn't dead.....
  4. Little Tommy was late for school, the teacher gripped him and asked "Tommy! why are you late this morning"

    Tommy replies I'm sorry miss but my mum got burnt this morning"

    The teacher replies "Oh dear, not too badly I hope"

    Tommy says "Well they don't f*ck around at the crematorium miss!"
  5. I remember my Mum, granny and grandpa trying to stifle their laughter in the crematorium just after my aunt died when their eyes fell upon the 'No Smoking' sign. Here's three people who've just lost a sister/daughter and their shoulders are shaking.

    It's a good sign that people are able to see humour in these things, if the dead person had any sense of humour during their life time I'm sure they'd prefer people to have a bit of a giggle at a generally sad time.

    Any cnut turns up poker-faced and dressed in black to my funeral and I'll haunt them.
  6. Ken Dodd

    We had this play at the end of my nan's funeral last year, it was hysterical. A very quiet room and then having it start (very loudly), we were all in fits, plus mum was desperate to be a fly on the wall for the next lot coming in to have their service :roll:
  7. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    A mate passed last year and he had "always look on the bright side of life" played, twice including when his coffin went in. He had the last laugh as Phil M had a big hooter and was accepted to be the plns tame Red Sea Pedestrian. He was a left footer. Kept me guessing for years!
  8. My stepmum died in January this year, we had a humanist funeral ( no religion and all that old Cr*P) Great sing along in the Cremotorium with a disco and band afterwards. Then in Feb sent some her ashes to india, and in March got some scttered by some witches for the spring solstice (it was the sort of thing she was into). My dad still has some ashes left and is going to place them in a small urn, then me and my stepbrothers (9 of them) are to have a game cricket each year to see who gets her until the following year.
  9. Now i want to laugh, but i know it might be wrong!
  10. Laugh away, she would have thought it was a laugh as well
  11. There's a tradition in some west African countries to bury you in a coffin shaped like something representative of your life, like the airline pilot who was buried in a coffin shaped like a plane.

    Anyone know of a good chippy who can do me a knob shaped coffin with a big fist wrapped around it?
  12. That is goddamn awesome lol I nearly crapped myself laughing!! Good effort mate!

    Just make sure you dont wear an England shirt when you next play ior you will never get to keep her!
  13. stella keyboard moment!! :lol:
  14. was once in a motorway service stationcafe and sitting at the next table were 2 hearse/funeral car drivers - they had us struggling not to spray every mouthful of lunch over the table we were laughing that much - best sense of humour - dark and dry!!
  15. a friend of mine had his coffin carried out of church to the whistling theme from The Great Escape,and all the lads following the coffin sauntered along,hands in pockets,in rows of 3, and carried the whistling on to the grave side. It was Classic