Funeral wishes

How about a Queen themed funeral:

Another one bites the dust.
Who want’s to live forever.
Radio GaGa (for dementia deaths).
Under pressure.
 
No religious Service for me, please.
Dig a hole near the bottom of the garden, lower me in, backfill and plant a copper beech sapling on top.

Then its over to the fire pit for spit roast pig, gallons of real ale 'in the wood' and I have invited Van Morrison over later to sing a couple of numbers.
 
Anyone who requests odd or 'hilariously funny' music (Always Look On The Bright Side of Life etc.) at funerals or who requests that attendees dress in clown costumes and the like should really have done everyone a favour and died a lot earlier.

Ditto weddings

I suppose it comes down to whether you/ they want to celebrate your life, or your death? Those that you leave behind could just do something to spite you, and just say, 'it's what he/she/it really wanted'

I did think of a cheapo crem version, where they throw me off a local bridge onto the passing coal train that's on it's way x-country to Drax. Mind you, I don't suppose I'd be be able to enjoy the scenery along the way. Big fire at the end though!
 

holyphuc

Old-Salt
My aunt had Gracie Fields "Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye" for the burning, she was in the Berlin military welfare service from 1966-85 so a few of you might have met her, she had some good stories of drunken soldiery.
 
Buried at sea, Eternal Father Strong to Save and Elgar Nimrod.

Only two places in UK waters you can have this done and you have to go through hoops to achieve it.
Me too, having done it a couple of times for others way back in the past. But on a Bank Holiday weekend to cause the most upset! Sadly, as you say, almost impossible to set up now. Ashes, no problem.

My best mate died out here. His widow found a compressed salt urn and his ashes were inside it in a bio-degradable 'plastic' bag. As divers, the plan was to take him out to a local reef, which we did. The family, guests and mourners stood on the beach and followed the bouy we towed so they could see where he was. After about 20 minutes, just as we set him on a large rock, the salt urn disintegrated as planned. Back to the beach, huge BBQ and all the music that was on his phone's play-list.

Us? No kids, no family and already paid for through one of these funeral companies*. Have a card in the car and wallet/purse - the Guardia Civil love it, as it is one simple call and their job is jobbed. I too want the salt urn solution!

* A friend of a friend died recently with the funeral set up by the same company. Everyone said how well things went etc and how easy it was for the family. Which was reassuring for us.
 
No religious Service for me, please.
Dig a hole near the bottom of the garden, lower me in, backfill and plant a copper beech sapling on top.

Then its over to the fire pit for spit roast pig, gallons of real ale 'in the wood' and I have invited Van Morrison over later to sing a couple of numbers.
Mistake. He’s a miserable shite who could suck the joy out of any party.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I've paid for a cremation and already recorded the tunes to disc I want played:-
Entering the crem - House of The Rising Sun, The Animals.
As the coffin goes whooooosh - I'm On My Way, Dean Parrish.
Leaving the chapel - We Gotta Get Outta This Place, The Animals.
 
D

Deleted 15653

Guest
Me too, having done it a couple of times for others way back in the past. But on a Bank Holiday weekend to cause the most upset! Sadly, as you say, almost impossible to set up now. Ashes, no problem.

My best mate died out here. His widow found a compressed salt urn and his ashes were inside it in a bio-degradable 'plastic' bag. As divers, the plan was to take him out to a local reef, which we did. The family, guests and mourners stood on the beach and followed the bouy we towed so they could see where he was. After about 20 minutes, just as we set him on a large rock, the salt urn disintegrated as planned. Back to the beach, huge BBQ and all the music that was on his phone's play-list.

Us? No kids, no family and already paid for through one of these funeral companies*. Have a card in the car and wallet/purse - the Guardia Civil love it, as it is one simple call and their job is jobbed. I too want the salt urn solution!

* A friend of a friend died recently with the funeral set up by the same company. Everyone said how well things went etc and how easy it was for the family. Which was reassuring for us.
Did something similar for my brother, a keen sailor. Boat trip into sea off Hamburg where he lived, Nimrod, urn lowered one the side and the 'Change of Watch' sounded on the ship's bell.

As for me, I'd like someone to read the following. "A message to all his former military comrades. He was cremated wearing his boots and the tenner was in his pocket, so you can all f_uck off!"
 
You miserable old twonk, go with a bang not a wimpier, life's to bloody short to be Poe faced, let the next of kin remember you as happy funny bloke who lived life to the full and enjoyed a laugh.....

Or who never had an original thought in their head.

I also never had a sign on my desk that said, 'You don't have to be mad to work here - but it helps!' or, ' Look out! Here comes the boss.'
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
In light of Sluggy popping her clogs and the ensuing hilarity and Supermatelot's passing I was discussing stuff with her indoors about what we wanted at our funerals..

Me personally, I've told her the music before during and after the journey into the oven.. But.

I have told her that if I kark it I want it to be posted on Arrse. Dress code for Arssers is this.

Evil Gru.
Lots of minions. Yes I want a bald big nosed evil criminal mastermind and I want Minions, Yellow with Blue dungarees. She told me that the minions were not to be bearers though.
And I want The Dukes Ban hammer.

Anyone else going to be a bit bizarre just for shits and giggles.
Before we start thinking about our rigs, where to you plan to be sent off chap?

Also, the Minion outfit, is that the one like @Helm 's avatar?
 

philc

LE
Did something similar for my brother, a keen sailor. Boat trip into sea off Hamburg where he lived, Nimrod, urn lowered one the side and the 'Change of Watch' sounded on the ship's bell.

As for me, I'd like someone to read the following. "A message to all his former military comrades. He was cremated wearing his boots and the tenner was in his pocket, so you can all f_uck off!"

little known fact the RNLI will run out your ashes, say a prayer and scatter them. Only on training night and no passengers.
 
I don't think I will have music, just a period of silence. The sound of the sobs of debt collectors will be music to see me off! :)
And the first words at the wake will be "Ladies & gentlemen, thank yoiu for coming to Auld-Yin's wake, we appreciate it.
You'll had had your tea..." ;)
 
Mrs OS has announced that she wants a no frills thing, pure cremation jobby and then wants to have her ashes chucked in the sea off Mevagissey Harbour.
 

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