Funeral wishes

In hindsight I should have had this for my wedding, walking up the aisle like I was going for a shower at Treblinka, but it'll do nicely as the curtains close over my coffin.
 
A selection of choons by the Glitter Gang, Rolf Harris and similar, because:

a. I won't be there in any meaningful way.

b. You want awkward? I can do awkward.
 
I'd have to go with Ecclesiastices 12, not 3,get that squared away. It's not the most accurate translation of the scripture but the sentiment remains the same.


Music-wise, Pachelbel's Canon, in D

 
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If you still have a pet it it will be covered by NAA 1948, Part III, S48

Thank you for the information. If I cark it tomorrow my wife will take care of the dogs, if we both die, the dogs will be taken by my kids.
 
Sitting on the Dock of the bay - otis redding
Nimrod - elgar
Hedonism - skunk anansie


My mum, 80 next week, has fallen out with the church. She has booked a spot with pure cremations.
 
Full Viking jobby .
220px-Monty_Python_Live_02-07-14_13_04_42_%2814598710791%29.jpg
 
Song for when my bier is carried into the church: Ying tong Song by the Goons.

Not my idea originally
My family and friends walking into the crem music, the Bonzos singing" The intro and the outro"

And when walking out ,hopefully laughing, Groucho singing" Hello i must be going"


TOOL: may i recommend the goons singing " Sideways through the sewers of the strand"
or " Their digging up grandpas grave to build a sewer"....classy! ;)
 
Anyone who requests odd or 'hilariously funny' music (Always Look On The Bright Side of Life etc.) at funerals or who requests that attendees dress in clown costumes and the like should really have done everyone a favour and died a lot earlier.

Ditto weddings.
You miserable old twonk, go with a bang not a wimpier, life's to bloody short to be Poe faced, let the next of kin remember you as happy funny bloke who lived life to the full and enjoyed a laugh, and you at your own funeral are having the last one. ;)
 

Old_Sparky_RE

Old-Salt
How much did you pay, if you don't mind me asking?

The forms Crem 4 & 5 are or were, £98 a piece. Crem 1 and 10 are are easy.

Seeing your GP within 14 days helps but if you haven't HMC can always bounce it back and issue (they don't have to but think it's a 101Alpha (Pink)) form or a GP sign up/issued on.

Direct cremations should be <£750
I paid just under £1000 up front, so if the price for anything goes up (at this moment in time let’s say gas charges treble) the company will have to cover it. All being well I may still have 30 years plus to go, but I know it’s sorted and I don’t want/like a fuss.
Just been looking on line a local firm is doing it for £420 + crem fees.
 
You miserable old twonk, go with a bang not a wimpier, life's to bloody short to be Poe faced, let the next of kin remember you as happy funny bloke who lived life to the full and enjoyed a laugh, and you at your own funeral are having the last one. ;)
It may be considered a 'laugh' by many.
I don't subscribe to that, however.
When I snuff it, I would sincerely hope my nearest and dearest will attend a funeral/memorial which doesn't turn into a dog show.
Not everyone I know is a right-on party animal, some show a bit more dignity and decorum than that.
 
My ideal ceremony .

I can't ******* wait .
Couple of grand behind the bar a fight some vomit and at least one arrest and/or ambulance
Sounds a bit like my Dad’s recent wake (cancer had him away a couple of months ago at the age of 63). One of the many characters/reprobates my Dad had as friends spent the afternoon acting the c*nt, whilst rapidly drinking neat vodka, then proceeded to throw up all over my mam’s pot plants on the patio. Had one of my brothers seen the twät (before I threw him in a taxi), it’s highly likely there would have been a need for both an ambulance and a police car.

My old man requested (and got) the following:






I’d probably keep things simple, my wife will choose whatever she wants for me, but I insist on (depending on whether I get buried or burnt (no strong feelings one way or the other)) either the Tetris theme tune as the coffin is lowered into the earth, or ‘Disco Inferno’ as I go into the oven.
 
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I paid just under £1000 up front, so if the price for anything goes up (at this moment in time let’s say gas charges treble) the company will have to cover it. All being well I may still have 30 years plus to go, but I know it’s sorted and I don’t want/like a fuss.
Just been looking on line a local firm is doing it for £420 + crem fees.
I've just had to stump up the thick end of R12 000 for my father's collection, storage, all the paperwork, cremation etc. (minimum wage in RSA is R22 an hour.)
A fair whack indeed. And they wouldn't go ahead with the crem until it was paid. And 'storage' would be R85 a day.
And we are still awaiting his ashes.
 
It may be considered a 'laugh' by many.
I don't subscribe to that, however.
When I snuff it, I would sincerely hope my nearest and dearest will attend a funeral/memorial which doesn't turn into a dog show.
Not everyone I know is a right-on party animal, some show a bit more dignity and decorum than that.


You will be dead, snuffed it, gone, no more, with the angels, let the attendees remember your passing with a smile, you won't be around to see or hear it. Your eulogy should be funny and up beat, written and read by someone with a sense of the absurd and ridiculous, highlighting the daft and silly episodes in your life, make them laugh at your passing, and remember you as a kind and loving bloke, who liked a laugh and a joke. FFS any body can be miserable............. Google John cleese reading the eulogy for Graham Chapman, its bloody hilarious. :p And remember"ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE" :applaud:
 

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I don't think I will have music, just a period of silence. The sound of the sobs of debt collectors will be music to see me off! :)
 

Old_Sparky_RE

Old-Salt
I've just had to stump up the thick end of R12 000 for my father's collection, storage, all the paperwork, cremation etc. (minimum wage in RSA is R22 an hour.)
A fair whack indeed. And they wouldn't go ahead with the crem until it was paid. And 'storage' would be R85 a day.
And we are still awaiting his ashes.
I paid for my uncle back in March and that was just a few quid short of £4k. Basic everything - service, only the hurst no other cars, £125 for a cross of flowers and no ‘bun fight’ (wake/meal) after Due to covid restriction.
because of local covid deaths it took 3 weeks before a slot at the crematorium was available but there was no extra ’storage’ charges and I collected his ashes a month later.

I’m sorry things arn’t running smoothly for you.
 
Morning All,
Single, never been married nor engaged and no kids(that I know of). Wrong side of 60 and stuck in the worst hit Covid death rate district in the state, and rising.
I've never made any funeral arrangements and about 6 months ago told my bro' and sis' in UK. "Realistally, there's a good chance I won't see anybody there again". Their reply was. "Don't be so morbid!". My response. "Look on the bright side. If I croak here, somebody will eventually find my liquifying, putrid, stinking remains, burn what's left(possibly), and bung what's left in the river. If I die there, pain in the arse for you two and funeral expenses as I'll blow my money on cocaine and hookers if I get chance before it happens". It didn't go down well but wtf will I care:).
 

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