Funeral wishes

olafthered

LE
Book Reviewer
I've been having pretty serious rows with the missus on this one.

We're already in the process of ensuring assets and funds are transferred well in advance so they can't be included as part of the estate. I've told her to disown the body upon death and refuse to engage with any service about it.

The council then has to deal with my cremation, and whilst they would try to recoup costs from the estate, there wouldn't be any funds there for that.


"The costs of a public health funeral can be recouped from the deceased’s estate. However, in some cases, the deceased may have no estate from which costs can be recovered, meaning that the whole cost of the funeral is borne by the local authority."

Even if they do somehow manage to claim the money back from the missus, it must legally be the most cost effective possible, so she could in theory challenge them if it's not.

I've said to her, I've paid rates all my life. Those ******* in the council can pay for me, for once. She's not having it. I've said if she dares to have any form of proper funeral, then I'll have it in my Will that they need to play the 28 minute ManOWar epic of Achilles, Agony & Ecstasy, including the 9 minute drum solo. That'll teach her.

If all else fails and I think I'm on the way out, I'll wait until a Tuesday and put the general waste bin out on the pavement and climb in. Not only would I be declared a missing person and waste my colleagues time, I'd also get to make a right ******* mess of the back of the bin truck when it squishes me down. :D
Ohhh...now that's a tune.
 

oldnotbold

War Hero
I've already had one funeral. I collapsed with a burst appendix on a TA weekend. The sick B of a padre used this an excuse to run the other subbies through "burial in the field" while the RMO and my OC exited me stage right
 
I've already had one funeral. I collapsed with a burst appendix on a TA weekend. The sick B of a padre used this an excuse to run the other subbies through "burial in the field" while the RMO and my OC exited me stage right
HE IS RISEN!
Which way do we face to pray, Messiah? Because, verily, there hast been some confusion over the years.
 

Dwarf

LE
Book Reviewer
Used to play rugby with our local undertaker so at least he may have a laugh when I go.
So when he passes on the urn to your family they will claim forward pass.
 
I shall have no service. Cremation only and monies deposited behind a bar. Ashes to be mixed with concrete and cast into a large doorstop with an iron boot-scraper on it. Lettering to be name, DOB/DOD and a simple inscription 'USEFUL AT LAST'. If there is to be any music in the bar, I would prefer an old blues rendering of 'I'll be glad when you're dead, you rascal you'. They can fight over who doesn't want the concrete monstrosity in their house.
 

Blogg

LE
Right that is me sorted

20211022_194544.jpg
 

Tool

LE
Right that is me sorted

View attachment 611279
You joke... a mate of my wife's, that we've known for about 15 years, karked it recently. HiD was friendly with the widow who had been married to him for almost 20 years (no pictures, you perverts). She phoned the berieved to offer our assistance. The widow asked HiD if she knew the mate's first wife. Something neither us, nor the widow, had known about. Fortunately, the widow found a divorce certificate amongst the papers, but it was a WTF moment.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Hmmm, I went to a uni with a large medical school. No chance - I've heard the stories

And they're all true.

Which is why I have no problem with the idea of donating my body.

At least I can bring a smile to a few students in the course of their studies.

While the lecturers and professors tut and frown, forgetting the antics of their own youth.
 
Right that is me sorted

View attachment 611279
When I deployed to Iraq the last time it was a ‘bit interesting’ in possible danger stakes.

So I chatted to one of my ex’s with whom I was still great mates with - she is an ex-stripper and page 3 girl, 5’10, blonde (yeah, I don’t know what she saw in me either) and a top lass. Her instructions were to get a couple of friends, all dress slightly inappropriately for a funeral (a hint of stocking top or just too much décolletage), weep throughout and mutter admonishments to god for taking me too soon sort of thing.

I made her promise but doubt she would have gone through with it - we had a good laugh at the idea though - and if in my last moments the thought could have made me pass with a smile on my face.
 

Latest Threads

Top