Funeral wishes

Dwarf

LE
I want to be buried far out to sea, and everyone from Manchester to walk on my grave
Thought you would want to be buried between the thighs of one of Scaley Albereto's monsters.
 

FrosteeMARIA

LE
Gallery Guru
156317868_3937928776266795_4286126100430475930_n.jpg
 

Tool

LE
Mate got killed skydiving in the '80s. Bit of a let down for him as his trip to the FBC in Quincy on the Herc was already booked.

He eventually returned home and spent the next few years on his mom's mantelpiece AFAIK, until I lost track of the crowd.
Did you remove the stompies and second-hand chewing gum before topping him up?
 

Nemesis44UK

LE
Book Reviewer
If we can get @Ravers a false nose....

My dad has been very clear to all the kids and mum, that he wants to come in to "always look on the bright side of life", monty python, and go into the flame to "burn, baby, burn"

My musical choices are similar for arriving, but go out to "firestarter" by Prodigy.

During the service I would like some Thunder, possibly "Robert Johnstone Tombstone" from the album of the same name. Or possibly "Better man" but that might seem self serving.

Ooh, you're the other Thunder fan?
 
Did you remove the stompies and second-hand chewing gum before topping him up?

Not me. I think the biggest problem in that place was picking the turbo lettuce seeds and dead roaches out of the ash before topping up.
 

Nemesis44UK

LE
Book Reviewer
Got Pure Cremation's card in my wallet. Told the wife that I'm not religious and I don't want a service. Stick a marker in the garden if you must, but I buried my dad and it cost £3500 for a 20-minute service. I have life insurance, but not so much that it can afford a chunk out of it.

Every penny available goes to my widow and children, not the undertakers.
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
I've been having pretty serious rows with the missus on this one.

We're already in the process of ensuring assets and funds are transferred well in advance so they can't be included as part of the estate. I've told her to disown the body upon death and refuse to engage with any service about it.

The council then has to deal with my cremation, and whilst they would try to recoup costs from the estate, there wouldn't be any funds there for that.


"The costs of a public health funeral can be recouped from the deceased’s estate. However, in some cases, the deceased may have no estate from which costs can be recovered, meaning that the whole cost of the funeral is borne by the local authority."

Even if they do somehow manage to claim the money back from the missus, it must legally be the most cost effective possible, so she could in theory challenge them if it's not.

I've said to her, I've paid rates all my life. Those ******* in the council can pay for me, for once. She's not having it. I've said if she dares to have any form of proper funeral, then I'll have it in my Will that they need to play the 28 minute ManOWar epic of Achilles, Agony & Ecstasy, including the 9 minute drum solo. That'll teach her.

If all else fails and I think I'm on the way out, I'll wait until a Tuesday and put the general waste bin out on the pavement and climb in. Not only would I be declared a missing person and waste my colleagues time, I'd also get to make a right ******* mess of the back of the bin truck when it squishes me down. :D
 
Bob Dylan has a line in the song jokerman."rise up and say to no one".
That would scare the bejaysus out of anyone.. I propose to use a modified stana stair lift.
Technology rocks!
 
I've been having pretty serious rows with the missus on this one.

We're already in the process of ensuring assets and funds are transferred well in advance so they can't be included as part of the estate. I've told her to disown the body upon death and refuse to engage with any service about it.

The council then has to deal with my cremation, and whilst they would try to recoup costs from the estate, there wouldn't be any funds there for that.


"The costs of a public health funeral can be recouped from the deceased’s estate. However, in some cases, the deceased may have no estate from which costs can be recovered, meaning that the whole cost of the funeral is borne by the local authority."

Even if they do somehow manage to claim the money back from the missus, it must legally be the most cost effective possible, so she could in theory challenge them if it's not.

I've said to her, I've paid rates all my life. Those ******* in the council can pay for me, for once. She's not having it. I've said if she dares to have any form of proper funeral, then I'll have it in my Will that they need to play the 28 minute ManOWar epic of Achilles, Agony & Ecstasy, including the 9 minute drum solo. That'll teach her.

If all else fails and I think I'm on the way out, I'll wait until a Tuesday and put the general waste bin out on the pavement and climb in. Not only would I be declared a missing person and waste my colleagues time, I'd also get to make a right ******* mess of the back of the bin truck when it squishes me down. :D
bit of a serious note, if you do go down the council route, you (or rather your family!) don't get to choose when, where, how.
An ex-homeless mate died, £0 in the bank, family didn't want to know, Four of us were also pretty broke, but managed to scrounge up a couple of hundred to pay for a gift to the hospice, the undertakers fridge-space, choice of when to have the (pre-cremation/burial- councils vary with what they do with stiffs apparently) service. Flowers maybe?
It meant a few of us were able to get together on the day, even if his feckin sister decided to send a letter in to be read, but couldn't be bothered to visit him when he was ill. Neither could the so-called hillsong christians he hung about with towards the end.

No reason why we couldn't have got together anyway, but he had mentioned religion a bit.

This thread has inspired me to have a look at the prepaid cremation stuff; anyone know off hand how it fits with organ donation? (I thought if you were unsuitable or only suitable for one buttock & a toe or something, you got frozen & returned to the family?) ( I could goofgle it, I suppose. Not likely to be as amusing as you shining wits making suggestions...)
 

Aphra

Old-Salt
I've been having pretty serious rows with the missus on this one.

We're already in the process of ensuring assets and funds are transferred well in advance so they can't be included as part of the estate. I've told her to disown the body upon death and refuse to engage with any service about it.

The council then has to deal with my cremation, and whilst they would try to recoup costs from the estate, there wouldn't be any funds there for that.


"The costs of a public health funeral can be recouped from the deceased’s estate. However, in some cases, the deceased may have no estate from which costs can be recovered, meaning that the whole cost of the funeral is borne by the local authority."

Even if they do somehow manage to claim the money back from the missus, it must legally be the most cost effective possible, so she could in theory challenge them if it's not.

I've said to her, I've paid rates all my life. Those ******* in the council can pay for me, for once. She's not having it. I've said if she dares to have any form of proper funeral, then I'll have it in my Will that they need to play the 28 minute ManOWar epic of Achilles, Agony & Ecstasy, including the 9 minute drum solo. That'll teach her.

If all else fails and I think I'm on the way out, I'll wait until a Tuesday and put the general waste bin out on the pavement and climb in. Not only would I be declared a missing person and waste my colleagues time, I'd also get to make a right ******* mess of the back of the bin truck when it squishes me down. :D
Just be aware that deprivation of assets is a thing. I think you're in Scotland and I know the law's different but just thought I'd mention it.

For me, I wouldn't want my bereaved loved ones to have to face dealing with a determined local authority seeking to recover costs. The local authority has a legal duty to pursue those costs and they tend to be persistent in doing so.
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Just be aware that deprivation of assets is a thing. I think you're in Scotland and I know the law's different but just thought I'd mention it.

For me, I wouldn't want my bereaved loved ones to have to face dealing with a determined local authority seeking to recover costs. The local authority has a legal duty to pursue those costs and they tend to be persistent in doing so.

I've dug into it a bit, and it appears that it can only come from the estate of the deceased. If there's no estate, they have no recourse to recoup costs.

**** 'em, I say.

@Teeblerone Totally happy with that. The wife will have plenty of time to say goodbye when she wakes up next to me to find me leaking body fluids and smelling a bit (this could also just be a normal Sunday morning).

At the end of the day, funeral directors and the ilk have turned into a bunch of horrible, profiteering bastards, and the saddest part is that coming from a very working class background and low income family, it's always the people lowest down the income ladder that seem to get sucked into spending the most. Four cars, service, flowers, etc. Saw that happen to my own relatives and losing huge chunks of estate to these cnuts.

They're not getting my business!
 
I've dug into it a bit, and it appears that it can only come from the estate of the deceased. If there's no estate, they have no recourse to recoup costs.

**** 'em, I say.

@Teeblerone Totally happy with that. The wife will have plenty of time to say goodbye when she wakes up next to me to find me leaking body fluids and smelling a bit (this could also just be a normal Sunday morning).

At the end of the day, funeral directors and the ilk have turned into a bunch of horrible, profiteering bastards, and the saddest part is that coming from a very working class background and low income family, it's always the people lowest down the income ladder that seem to get sucked into spending the most. Four cars, service, flowers, etc. Saw that happen to my own relatives and losing huge chunks of estate to these cnuts.

They're not getting my business!
Even though you're a horrible ficker for making me spit me drink out with the "(this could also just be a normal Sunday morning)." comment, I agree.
The extras add up, all of a sudden you're looking at the cost of a car.
I had an aunt who really really wanted to go out in a glass-sided, horsedrawn bier or whatever they're called. She did, but it was boring after 10 minutes and very expensive. It made her happy thinking about it, her money I guess.
 
Being a scouse ex RMP, You'll never walk alone taking me in, and Hey hey we're the monkees on the way out. XD
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
I cycled past our local undertakers this morning
the council recycling truck was parked outside
I started to laugh
perhaps I have a sick mind
 
I've dug into it a bit, and it appears that it can only come from the estate of the deceased. If there's no estate, they have no recourse to recoup costs.

**** 'em, I say.

@Teeblerone Totally happy with that. The wife will have plenty of time to say goodbye when she wakes up next to me to find me leaking body fluids and smelling a bit (this could also just be a normal Sunday morning).

At the end of the day, funeral directors and the ilk have turned into a bunch of horrible, profiteering bastards, and the saddest part is that coming from a very working class background and low income family, it's always the people lowest down the income ladder that seem to get sucked into spending the most. Four cars, service, flowers, etc. Saw that happen to my own relatives and losing huge chunks of estate to these cnuts.

They're not getting my business!
Too right , the ( to be ) widow Mrs WW has been instructed to fire up the digger and plant me down by the woodland, spend the money saved on a good pi$$ up, oh wait, you'll have had your tea......
 

olafthered

LE
Book Reviewer
Ooh, you're the other Thunder fan?
It appears so.

The Manchester academy gig when Harry did an acoustic version of Better man with the comedy finish was...awesome.

I do have the live CD of that gig, bought on the way out...
 

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