Funeral etiquette

Helm

MIA
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Book Reviewer
#21
Don't do what a ******* mong full screw did with at one of the lads funerals after Herrick.

Got so shit faced the night before he almost missed the car down to the service. No 2s were a ******* disgrace, and forgot his ammo boots so only had a pair of beaten Magnums.

He was told in no short order to stay in the ******* car and if he was seen outside it, he was going to get knocked out by the three bar.

Tit.

Otherwise, if it's just you, salute the coffin, and salute at the cheerio music if it's a hot grill and take as much free food and bevvy as you can at the reception - it's what he would have wanted.
You were that full screw weren't you?
 
#22
Do not enquire of the widow if the deceased mentioned anything about a tin of paint before passing on.

If the wake is at the deceased's home, Do have a discreet search of his shed and remove his porn collection. You wouldn't want her to find an ex-Gunner's collection of one handed literature. The shock could kill her.
Every well thinking male should have a porn buddy who upon his own demise will come in and clear out all the farmyard material before its found by the grieving family scouring the place for Grandad's coin/stamp/watch collection that they think is going to keep them in luxury for the coming years.

Said buddy should have a set of sealed orders containing passwords, the locations of the stash holes around the house and any hidden NAS systems.
 
#23
A ‘convention’ that is now changing.

Halloumikid
If it was to do with equality as you originally claimed, the paragraph you quoted would not be detailing separate actions for males and females.
But if you believe that servicewomen are given the option to remove their headdress if they want to, in order be just like the blokes and to tick the diversity box, that's fine. I don't share the same understanding of what that paragraph is about.
 
#25
If it was to do with equality as you originally claimed, the paragraph you quoted would not be detailing separate actions for males and females.
But if you believe that servicewomen are given the option to remove their headdress if they want to, in order be just like the blokes and to tick the diversity box, that's fine. I don't share the same understanding of what that paragraph is about.
At the church parades I have attended since the regulation has changed, the reality is that almost all and females now remove headdress when entering church. Why? Because that’s what they are told to do by the Badge. The Badge is simply towing the ‘equality’ party line because the CoC is keen to make sure it is conforming and all are treated ‘equally’.

I agree that the regulation quoted gives latitude, mostly for senior females who have been inculcated into leaving their headdress on, and for whom, headdress-less in church feels uncomfortable.

Halloumikid
 
#26
Don't do what a ******* mong full screw did with at one of the lads funerals after Herrick.

Got so shit faced the night before he almost missed the car down to the service. No 2s were a ******* disgrace, and forgot his ammo boots so only had a pair of beaten Magnums.

He was told in no short order to stay in the ******* car and if he was seen outside it, he was going to get knocked out by the three bar.

Tit.

Otherwise, if it's just you, salute the coffin, and salute at the cheerio music if it's a hot grill and take as much free food and bevvy as you can at the reception - it's what he would have wanted.
How many extras/ shit jobs did you get?
 
#28
Don't do what a ******* mong full screw did with at one of the lads funerals after Herrick.

Got so shit faced the night before he almost missed the car down to the service. No 2s were a ******* disgrace, and forgot his ammo boots so only had a pair of beaten Magnums.

He was told in no short order to stay in the ******* car and if he was seen outside it, he was going to get knocked out by the three bar.

Tit.

Otherwise, if it's just you, salute the coffin, and salute at the cheerio music if it's a hot grill and take as much free food and bevvy as you can at the reception - it's what he would have wanted.
It's also not a fashion parade. Could it have been that the magnum booted soldier was suffering from PTSD about the loss of a comrade?

I wouldn't care if his ginger bollocking suit and boots were shite. It's all made by the lowest bidder anyway and the security guard at Aldi has got a smarter uniform.

That 3 bar sounds like a proper cunt.
 
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#29
Every well thinking male should have a porn buddy who upon his own demise will come in and clear out all the farmyard material before its found by the grieving family scouring the place for Grandad's coin/stamp/watch collection that they think is going to keep them in luxury for the coming years.

Said buddy should have a set of sealed orders containing passwords, the locations of the stash holes around the house and any hidden NAS systems.
A bit like the PMs Doomsday letter of last resort given to the Trident boat commanders.

'...and after incinerating Moscow and Beijing it finally remains for me to request you burn this photo of me fucking a dead pig. Signed D. Cameron. PM.'
 
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MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#30
It's also not a fashion parade. Could it have been that the magnum booted soldier was suffering from PTSD about the loss of a comrade?

I wouldn't care if his ginger bollocking suit and boots were shite. It's all made by the lowest bidder anyway and the security guard at Aldi has got a smarter uniform.

That 3 bar sounds like a proper cunt.
No, the Corporal who was in shit state was in shit state because he was still drunk, and was being incredibly disrespectful - plenty of us went out and had a good few jars to memories but we all made it out the next morning in good order and with the dignity befitting a fallen comrade.

Plus, we're not chippies - ammo boots nice and shiny.

Standards and what not.
 

crustyrusty

On ROPS
On ROPs
#31
Dress to impress, might be grand daughters to impress with your military experience & medals.
At the wake its a free for all and not getting your leg over with an under 24 will be frowned upon.
Mention your time with 2 toes Tony and being mentioned by Chris in his books will impress.

Next morning do 100 press ups and leave sharpish as you might have soiled your presence.
 
#32
Do not enquire of the widow if the deceased mentioned anything about a tin of paint before passing on.

If the wake is at the deceased's home, Do have a discreet search of his shed and remove his porn collection. You wouldn't want her to find an ex-Gunner's collection of one handed literature. The shock could kill her.
When I was a sprog at depot, I used to have to help the QM go through the deceased's MFO boxes before they went to the parents, porn, dirty clothing and half eaten scran got put in the incinerator.

I was quite surprised the first time that the deceased's mates thought it was a good idea to send him mum his collection of dwarf porn, AFAIK she wasn't even German.
 
#33
At the church parades I have attended since the regulation has changed, the reality is that almost all and females now remove headdress when entering church. Why? Because that’s what they are told to do by the Badge. The Badge is simply towing the ‘equality’ party line because the CoC is keen to make sure it is conforming and all are treated ‘equally’.

I agree that the regulation quoted gives latitude, mostly for senior females who have been inculcated into leaving their headdress on, and for whom, headdress-less in church feels uncomfortable.

Halloumikid
It's actually a church convention, that because women in society are wearing fewer hats it's changing. I blame Songs of Praise, who for camera angle reasons banned millinery and has given the impression to millenials that it is no longer a done thing. Our Soverieign Lady still where her hat in church, so that explains the fence sitting where they can choose. Just another sign of the eroding of standards and over flexible vertebrae. Harrumph.
 
#34
And make sure your effing mobile phone is OFF! Boils my piss purple, when knobbers leave it on and think its OK to answer the ruddy thing during the service.
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#35
And make sure your effing mobile phone is OFF! Boils my piss purple, when knobbers leave it on and think its OK to answer the ruddy thing during the service.
**** off, surly no-one does that???
 
#36
I went to a funeral only last week.

It was terrible.

No wifi!
 
#37
And make sure your effing mobile phone is OFF! Boils my piss purple, when knobbers leave it on and think its OK to answer the ruddy thing during the service.
Plus, what if...just if....it's the deceased mate from "Beyond" texting " Shag my wife and there's a spare rock covered in razor wire with & red-hot chains right beside me..where I just ended up"
 
#38
It's actually a church convention, that because women in society are wearing fewer hats it's changing. I blame Songs of Praise, who for camera angle reasons banned millinery and has given the impression to millenials that it is no longer a done thing. Our Soverieign Lady still where her hat in church, so that explains the fence sitting where they can choose. Just another sign of the eroding of standards and over flexible vertebrae. Harrumph.
I agree with you. Just because it’s changing doesn’t mean it’s right!

I think some of these things are also driven by elements of the ‘sisterhood’. The same ones who I like to annoy by insisting they go first to the buffet!

Halloumikid
 
#39
**** off, surly no-one does that???
I assume, MrB, you are being serious?

In point of fact I was recently at the funeral of an retired haulier whom I had known for eons. The Crem was packed. Three of the old duffers that were in the congregation had their phones go off. One quickly switched to silent, one looked like a rabbit in the head-lights and trying to look for someone else to blame. The third answered it and started to have a conversation. These were folk who should have known better. Not snot-nosed, pimply snowflakes with the social skills of a polished turd. Sorry - rant off......
 

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