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Fuck me, crematoriums are full of hot totty!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by tiny_lewis, Dec 6, 2010.

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  1. Cremation Process 2

    "Meet Amy. In a few hours Amy will be coffee-colored liquid with the consistency of motor oil and a strong ammonia smell. She will then be poured down the drain."

    Written by an Arrse'r, surely :)
  2. Fuck me,you need to get out more.What the fuck were you searching for when you found that?
  3. Wellllllll................

    I'm sure you really *dont* want to know.. but I'm glad I did


    Is just sooo asking someone here to tweak it ;-) the connotationns of "dying green" and "This is how Amy's final day will go.There is no service, no viewing of Amy, she is taken to a industrial estate.."
  4. I think you need to narrow down your search on Google.
  5. Dying green? Climb into your wheelie bin, I will feed in the hosepipe connected to my exhaust pipe on my gas guzzling car, then gaffer tape the lid shut, the bin men can collect you on Friday morning and take you to the tip for foxes and carrions to feast on. Give something back to mother nature.
  6. I was thinking more along the lines of "...taken to an industrial estate in the boot of MDH's car", but yours works equally well :)
  7. But only if it is a brown bin and it is garden waste week. Otherwise it will be labelled as containing re-cyclable waste, and not removed.
    [These rules only apply in the Fife area]
  8. Leather shoes. You can't wear leather shoes or your bestest APs. If you do, I have to take them off 'cos UK crems are not allowed to burn them.

    ..............and, dependant on the make, your pacemaker has to come out as well. Can't have that going 'pop'.
  9. Pretty interesting stuff, going off their estimates I'll be smouldering for a week or two.
  10. necrophilia heaven - the amount of totty that wants to go in kit... prime time job for a part time pervert, dress it, check it, fuck it, burn it... where do I apply!
  11. Nah, you're fag-ash after a couple of hours: the cremators are never switched off completely unless its for maintenance.

    @tiny-lewis: Hmm, don't think you want to go there, unless you have some Duckhams 20/50 and a pair of tweezers. Orifices are stuffed with cotton wool, d'ya see? Lots and lots of cotton wool. Yards of it, in fact. And it will be dry. Tight but dry.

    ..............oh, and you know all those little, friendly bacteria that live in your gut and intestine and colon? Keep you clean and evrything flowing as it should? Well, they don't die when you do. No pension plan for them. They still have to work for a living*.

    *see what I did there?
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

  13. That proves that fit bints will really do anything for cash!
  14. Tissue? Tissue, you drunken old sot! Even with a tub of Fuller's Earth, you'd still find the true meaning of Sloppy Seconds.
  15. It gets better -

    "Quick. Amy will have dissolved away in an hour.
    Complete. Amy will have gone completely by the end of the process."

    DIY body disposal for the budding serial killer. I bet Fred West would have sold his grandmother for one of these.