Frothing at the gash

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, Jul 6, 2007.

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  1. My missus requires the lightess of tickles or merely the suggestion that I have a sausage requiring hiding and she's gushing like the fountain in trafalgar square.

    While this is excellent for quickies (my speciality), if I'm having to play the long game the wet patch at the end is more her fault than mine. Also too much of her natural lubrication just ruins it (not suggesting dry though).

    So, what can be done? Make myself even more unattractive? Start the main event even sooner (is that possible?)? Nip out mid stroke for some toilet paper?

    I leave it up to arrser's capable depravity, and no doubt you've all suffered at some stage from this...
  2. Cow

    Cow LE

    DKP 1 or 2 depending on the ammount to be absorbed?
  3. Wrap you todger in blotting paper. It falls apart much less easily than toilet paper but still has fantastic absorbant qualities.

    Admitedly this will slightly kill the passion when she sees your todger wrapped up in sheets of paper, and the sensation wont be quite the same, but it will stem the leakage...

  4. Yeah crabby, and I've got a 16 inch nob. Your missus only gushes cos she's 90 and forgot her incontinence pads.

    Wrap your nob in sandpaper, at least it'll give you some width.
  5. Stuff her while she's trooping the colour - unless she's too old to troop now.

    Failing that, all I can say is - lucky chap.

  6. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
    Oh, and you get a new patio too.
  7. My boss has had the same problem, and recommends going at her with a tampon before you give her one!
  8. Could you even find the address? I'm told that Alzheimers plays havoc with the navigation skills
  9. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Oooh! Nasty! You didn't say that when I found your front doors! And that took a deal of map reading.
  10. I've got the same problem. What you need to do is "Go with the flow" so to say! Oh! and another thing, never let her go on top while your drinking from the furry goblet it's not very nice snorting fanny batter.
  11. And they say that female circumcision's a bad thing! if god had meant women to enjoy sex, he'd have made them all lezzers. You need to cut away as much as you can with a pair of tinsnips, and then cauterise her otters pocket with a red hot poker. Voila, she'll be dryer than a Dave Allen monologue.
  12. On the bright side, The huge quantities of fanny batter must make it really easy to pull off the "Cyprus Maneuver!"
  13. I'm going to regret this I know but, what the f*ck is the "Cyprus Maneuver!"
  14. Kick her back doors in mate - should be a bit less lubed for you. You know it makes sense!! 8)
  15. Dip your dick in fullers earth and ram it up her arse like a Dry stick.

    Job done.