Frothing at the gash

#1
My missus requires the lightess of tickles or merely the suggestion that I have a sausage requiring hiding and she's gushing like the fountain in trafalgar square.

While this is excellent for quickies (my speciality), if I'm having to play the long game the wet patch at the end is more her fault than mine. Also too much of her natural lubrication just ruins it (not suggesting dry though).

So, what can be done? Make myself even more unattractive? Start the main event even sooner (is that possible?)? Nip out mid stroke for some toilet paper?

I leave it up to arrser's capable depravity, and no doubt you've all suffered at some stage from this...
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#3
Wrap you todger in blotting paper. It falls apart much less easily than toilet paper but still has fantastic absorbant qualities.

Admitedly this will slightly kill the passion when she sees your todger wrapped up in sheets of paper, and the sensation wont be quite the same, but it will stem the leakage...

Enjoy!
 
#4
crabby said:
My missus requires the lightess of tickles or merely the suggestion that I have a sausage requiring hiding and she's gushing like the fountain in trafalgar square.
Yeah crabby, and I've got a 16 inch nob. Your missus only gushes cos she's 90 and forgot her incontinence pads.

Wrap your nob in sandpaper, at least it'll give you some width.
 
#5
Stuff her while she's trooping the colour - unless she's too old to troop now.

Failing that, all I can say is - lucky chap.

B_T
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#6
Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
Oh, and you get a new patio too.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#8
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
Oh, and you get a new patio too.
Could you even find the address? I'm told that Alzheimers plays havoc with the navigation skills
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#9
Legs said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
Oh, and you get a new patio too.
Could you even find the address? I'm told that Alzheimers plays havoc with the navigation skills
Oooh! Nasty! You didn't say that when I found your front doors! And that took a deal of map reading.
 
#10
I've got the same problem. What you need to do is "Go with the flow" so to say! Oh! and another thing, never let her go on top while your drinking from the furry goblet it's not very nice snorting fanny batter.
 
#11
And they say that female circumcision's a bad thing! if god had meant women to enjoy sex, he'd have made them all lezzers. You need to cut away as much as you can with a pair of tinsnips, and then cauterise her otters pocket with a red hot poker. Voila, she'll be dryer than a Dave Allen monologue.
 
#16
Since she has a fanny like the Mersey Tunnel, just replace her vibrator with a roll of Bounty. All those thirst pockets should take care of it.

I also read somewhere that African women use a blend of herbs to dry themselves up, since their menfolk like dry, hard sex. You could try researching that.
 
#17
After every 2 or 3 strokes, whip out your kn0b and get the cat to lick it dry. If no cat available try her sister.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#18
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Legs said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
Oh, and you get a new patio too.
Could you even find the address? I'm told that Alzheimers plays havoc with the navigation skills
Oooh! Nasty! You didn't say that when I found your front doors! And that took a deal of map reading.
That wasn't a map. That was your varicose veins. Please don't wear shorts again.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#19
Legs said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Legs said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Go out for a pint, and give me the address, leave the door open, and you will have no more worries.
Oh, and you get a new patio too.
Could you even find the address? I'm told that Alzheimers plays havoc with the navigation skills
Oooh! Nasty! You didn't say that when I found your front doors! And that took a deal of map reading.
That wasn't a map. That was your varicose veins. Please don't wear shorts again.
You know how to hurt a man. Fortunately! But there was one vein you rather liked. Several times.
 
#20
any chance of seeing how wet she is -

my missus is always bone dry till show her my credit card maybe you should tells your skint and see how quickly she drys up then.
 

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