From the mouths of Johnny foreigner.

#1
Being well travelled army types, I am sure we have all inculcated some choice or typically British phrases upon the minds of foreigners.

So what is the most incongruous or bizarre and unexpected English phrase you have heard a foreigner use or have taught them?

My favourite comes from the mouth of my twin brother's 6 foot tall Russian born, ethnic German model girlfriend.

I complained to her one day that I had phoned knowing she was in and yet there was no answer.

She responded ' Vell, I heard ze telephone ringing, but I couldn't be arsed to get up and answer it’.

Well done girl! I pmsl.

I have also heard her say to my brother 'G*****, you are az lazy as shuck vater' which is 200% 'Norn Iron'.

Has anyone else heard any amusing vernacular from the mouths of foreigners?
 
#2
We had a "Facilities" chap, (the guy who mends the buildings), who I used to refer to as a w@nker. I work with mostly women and there were only a few that I had broken the news to about what that word meant.

Several months passed and I get a heads up from one of the gals "in the know" that the facilities chap was wandering around calling all the other women w@nkers.

I took him on one side and asked him if he know what the word meant... He didn't, I explained... The color red was never so red... :lol:
 
#3
When I first took Mrs Bstard who is a Thai German ethnic home to meet my Mam her English was not good, she did tell my Mam to "Have a good sh1t." when she mentioned that she was off to the khazi.

My tea burned the inside of my nostrils
 
#4
arabic student would ask me how i was in very good English and i would reply "awright" is strange to hear an arab talking with a jock accent even more strange is an asian talking like a glaswegian Navid "your a bawbag"
 
#5
bstard said:
When I first took Mrs Bstard who is a Thai German ethnic home to meet my Mam her English was not good, she did tell my Mam to "Have a good sh1t." when she mentioned that she was off to the khazi.

My tea burned the inside of my nostrils
You know, on some mail order bride sights you can get full thai, or even ones that speak English fluently. You should send her back and get a full working order model
 
#6
bstard said:
When I first took Mrs Bstard who is a Thai German ethnic home to meet my Mam her English was not good, she did tell my Mam to "Have a good sh1t." when she mentioned that she was off to the khazi.

My tea burned the inside of my nostrils
Liar, liar, pants on fcuking fire.
 
T

TheSnake

Guest
#7
I was on chat earlier, and some female person of german origin said : Ach, i am off to the naafi, i haff run out of fags'......

(sorry sweetheart, i p*ssed myself when you came out with that)
 
#8
TheSnake said:
I was on chat earlier, and some female person of german origin said : Ach, i am off to the naafi, i haff run out of fags'......

(sorry sweetheart, i p*ssed myself when you came out with that)
That is quality.

Well done whatever squaddie has 'educated ' her.
 
T

TheSnake

Guest
#9
Oh....BBR? can you stop using complicated words mucker?
Being a humble ex tankie i have never used my dictionary so much when you post....
Thanks for your understanding.
Snake
 
#10
TheSnake said:
Oh....BBR? can you stop using complicated words mucker?
Being a humble ex tankie i have never used my dictionary so much when you post....
Thanks for your understanding.
Snake
What complicated words?

You thick onanist. :D
 
T

TheSnake

Guest
#11
BlotBangRub said:
TheSnake said:
Oh....BBR? can you stop using complicated words mucker?
Being a humble ex tankie i have never used my dictionary so much when you post....
Thanks for your understanding.
Snake
What complicated words?

You thick onanist. :D
ooo...low....
 

terroratthepicnic

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#14
In Kenya in 97, there was a local walking around that would say he was a cockney w*nker, in a perfect cockney accent. Made me laugh every time I heard him speak.
 
#15
Miss expat always sends me to work with "laters geezer"
And answers my phone to my brother "alwhite mate "

I used to work with an ex black watch/police officer who told me of one African village they came across all the villagers spoke Glaswegian slang.
 
#16
Last night, Mrs P2 (who hails from the Land of the Frog) wanted to inform me of her readiness state. I almost literally p*ssed myself when she said. "I'm sorry, I'm just not Ernie."

Laugh? I think I grandslammed...
 
#17
I was once pursued by an Egyptian camel jockey (a real one - he was riding on the back of a camel). Between trying to rent his camel to me and sell me a good deal on a cruise down the Nile, he repeatedly informed me that I was a 'diamond geezer'.

This sort of thing works both ways. Many years ago I was in France with my dear old mother, gawd bless her. Sitting in a cafe and the bloke at the next table says, 'Has your wife finished with the ashtray?'.

Quick as a flash, I responded in finest schoolboy French, 'Non monsieur, elle n'est pas ma famme, elle est ma merde.'

What I tried to say was, 'She's not my wife, she's my mother.'

What I actually said was 'She's not my wife, she's my sh1t'.
 
#18
On Holiday in central America
local village barely a word of English between any of them. some sparky young lad rushes up to me shouting cheerily
"f@ck off you wonker"
It warmed the cockles of me heart to realise that the British Army, that great emmissary of empire, had clearly been there before me.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#19
Isn't everything that a foreign, non-english person say funny? After all, dear fellows, if they cannot be bothered to speak perfectly acceptable and fluent Queen's English, then anything that is said should be mocked.
 
#20
Whislt travelling in Pakistan years ago with an overland group, we stopped in a small village in NWFP and taught the kids to go up to the Arsenal fan in the group and shout 'Tony Adams' followed by donkey noises.
 

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