Friday (no foolin) joke

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Goatman, Apr 1, 2005.

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  1. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    well it made me laugh anyway:

    A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
    >> perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh,
    >> I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
    >> The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
    >> "Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
    >> me!"
    >> "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
    >> intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
    >> "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto
    >> your perch without any feet?"
    >> "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you
    >> asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook.
    >> You can't see it because of my feathers."
    >> "Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English
    >> can't you?"
    >> "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
    >> reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion,
    >> sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You
    >> really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
    >> The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't
    >> afford that."
    >> "Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
    >> wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
    >> $20; just make the guy an offer!"
    >> The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
    >> Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
    >> humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
    >> he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
    >> One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
    >> "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know
    >> if
    >> should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the
    >> postman." "What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
    >> "When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
    >> the door in a sheer black nightie."
    >> "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
    >> "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
    >> and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
    >> "NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
    >> "Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his
    >> knees and began to kiss her all over...."
    >> Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
    >> "Damned if I know. I got a erection and fell off my perch!"

    :lol: :lol:

    Le Chevre
  2. Hahahahahahahahahahaha :lol:
  3. fantastic mate! :D

    Mods, can we have an emoticon for rolling on the floor in tears of laughter? :wink:
  4. Q: What's white and wriggles on the floor?
    A: Cum dancing


    I'll get my coat
  5. old lady goes to the docs and tells him of her problem
    "i cant stop passing wind" she says "it doesnt smell but its beggining to get quite uncomfortable, in fact i have blown off 4 times since being in your office!"
    "i see" said the quack, "take these pills and come back to me in two weeks"
    off she trundles and its not long before two weeks are up and the old lady is back in the docs office.
    "doctor, those pills hav'nt stopped me passing gas, in fact its worse, the blow offs smell really terrible now!"
    "right" says the doc, "thats your sinuses sorted out, now we will tackle the gas. :D
  6. bloke walks into a shop,

    can i have a some worcester sauce crisps please?

    no , sorry mate , sudan 1 y'see , cancer scare

    oh , chinese chicken wings ?

    nope , cancer scare mate

    oh , what about burger relish ?

    oooh definetley not .. sudan 1 mate , toooo risky

    cottage pie??

    yes no , cancer scare

    so all that is off the shelves due to a cancer scare ?

    yes mate.

    oh , i'll have 20 bensons then please

    no worries £4.85 please.

  7. A window into the mind of a bloke......

    I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other
    day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to

    enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to
    meet up and
    maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

    "Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now!

    I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

    She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!

    "Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband
    that's a few inches wider these days!"

    She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!

    She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!

    "Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... I told her to f**k off.