Friday Joke

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by WARDODGER, Feb 18, 2005.

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  1. Elton John goes into the tatooist and asks him to tatoo the words Rolls Royce on his dick, Tattooist says you had better put Land Rover on it considering the amount of shit it goes through. 8O
  2. Elton John and Rod Stewart are taking a walk in the park when they spot a young lady with her head stuck in the railings.
    On closer inspection it becomes apparent that the young lady had been bending down when her head had become trapped.
    Not only this but the wind had caught her skirt and sent it billowing up to reveal no knickers.

    Believe it or not but the young lady is, in fact, Britney Spears.

    "Jesus ! look at that", exclaims Rod, "I've got to have some of that. Rod then drops his rock star trousers and proceeds to give Ms Spears a good seeing to from behind.
    When finished he turns to Elton John and says "Do you fancy having a go?".

    "Nah", says Elton "I'd never get my head between the gap in the railings."
  3. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

    She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    "What's the matter,dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks.

    The wife is thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

    The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

    "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

    "I remember that too" she replied softly.

    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said...... "I would have gotten out today. …. “ :lol:

    Lee Shaver
  4. What does tightrope walking and getting a nosh from Grandma have in common ?

    You don't look down.
  5. A three year old little boy was examining his testicles
    while taking a bath.

    "Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

    Mama answered,"Not yet
  6. Yeah, but have you seen some of the flak he's received:

    Well that's him told. :D
  7. Under the tagline 'God promises hope':

  8. Hehe, well I think its good. Some people take things far too seriously

    :D Al :D
  9. WTF - how can you be offended by that? Crazy cow.. That's well funny!
  10. Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

    The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

    The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

    The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

    St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

    "Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

    St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

    The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
  11. A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

    His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

    "But why?" asks the man.

    "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies
  12. Not really a joke but made me giggle :D