Friday joke - new gloves and panties ??

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Goatman, Jan 13, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    From the files at Fort Meade:


    --------------------------------
    A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:

    My Dearest,

    I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

    These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

    I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

    When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

    All my love, Roger

    P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.


    ----------------------------

    :lol: :lol:

    Bonne weekend tous!!

    Le Chevre
     
  2. Oracle...I hadn't seen it
    Goatman..Cheers, made me smile, not everyone gets to see every post.
     
  3. Thanks for the laugh!
     
  4. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

  5. OK Goaty, forgive me, I had just spent 4 hours on the M1 so was a little grouchy.

    My effort:

    A small girl was lost at a large shopping centre.
    She approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my daddy!"
    The policeman asked, "What's he like?"
    The little girl replied, "Bushmills whisky and women with big tits."
     
  6. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    That made me smile...God knows we could all do with it...ta! :lol:
     
  7. made me chuckle, cheers and keep em comming
     
  8. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    warning - Blonde Joke - warning -

    Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, ‘That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?’

    Kathy takes a sniff and replies, ‘That is nice. What's it called?’

    ‘Viens a moi,’ replies Nancy.

    ‘Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?’

    At this stage the assistant offers some help. ‘Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French.’










    Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, ‘That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?’


    :lol:

    Le Chevre
     
  9. Her sister had lost her mum in another shop
    "what's you mum like?" asked the copper
    "Big cocks and vodka"
     
  10. Ok heres one thanks to Les (Dead) Dawson.

    Hubby gets home from work and says to wife " Jim down the yard tells me that our milkman has shagged every woman in our street except one. what have you got to say for yourself?"

    She replies " I bet it was that stuck up cow from number 27"
     
  11. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

    While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

    He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

    He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.

    She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >

    "For best results, put on two coats."

    Le Chevre

    Bonne weekend Cameltoe spotters ! :lol:
     
  12. Bloke doing door to door stuff rings on this one door.

    Door opens and there stands a young lad of about 12. He has a glass of whiskey in one hand, a huge spliff in his mouth and two half naked hookers stood behind him.

    Bloke is a bit non-plussed but carries on as the sales training had taught him.

    "Excuse me sonny but are your parents home"

    Kid says " Does it fcuking look like it?"
     
  13. From a sign in a TV news director's office in Texas...

    "Bad planning on your part does not necessarily constitute an emergency on my part."