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Book Reviewer
So here's an old list in lieu

Guide to Southern US Pronunciation


1.) HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

2.) HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

3.) BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My

brother bard my pickup truck."

4.) JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage:"My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to Lanner."

5.) BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam.

Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in


6.) MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

7.) THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

8.) BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

9.) IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

10.) RANCH - (noun)- tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

11.) ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

12.) FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

13.) TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

14.) TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek

don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

15.) RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

16.) FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or

combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

17.) RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

18.) CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage: "Just set that bare rat cheer".

19.) FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

20.) DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

21.) ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen.

Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

22.) BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

23.) JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my

brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

24.) HAZE a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert. He

ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

25.) SEED -(verb) - past tense of "to see". Usage: "I ain't never seed New

York City".

26.) VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New

York City ... view?"

27.) GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.

Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

<< Bon Weekend Acadiens - laissez les bon temps R-O-O-O-OU-U-UL-E-Z !>>


Book Reviewer
For the Current affairs junkies....
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. "Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
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