Freshers week

#1
Freshers week for the two uni's in arbyville. Will of course crash union for free beer and barely legal students. Problem is a group of you going, you tend to get a bit objectional.

Any suggestions?

Maddie Mccann jokes would do the trick as would any positive comments re:
Maggie Thatcher. Any other suggestions? Blatent racisms probably out but mlaar mockery may be in.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
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#4
If it's anything like the university here, then just wear something ridiculous that makes you look individualistic, just as thousands of other students do, and talk utter rubbish. Has happened here since I ahve lived in this city.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
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#5
Or this might break the ice.
 

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#8
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Or this might break the ice.
the rest of the office are looking at me very strangley now, im crying with laughter
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
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#9
stet said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
Or this might break the ice.
the rest of the office are looking at me very strangley now, im crying with laughter
Always glad to be of service.
 
#10
I have fond memories of recruiting for the University Royal Naval Unit at freshers weeks decades ago.

The pre-event briefing went like this:-
CO : Don't recruit any blacks, foreigners, poofs or women.
AM : Right boss

Day 1:-
Fat lesbian : You're a fascist. You should be damn well hung.
AM : Indeed I am madam, indeed I am.


Day 2:-
Lefty : Do you want to join Gay Vegetarians Against the Nazis
AM : No mate but I bet the Nazis are sh1tting themselves.

Day 3:-
AM (Dressed in 5Js - black trousers & tie, blue jumper, white shirt, black rank insignia) : Would you be interested in joining?
Clean cut student : No thank you. I'm not considering a career in the police.

Day 4:-
Dusky gent : I'd like to join. I have previous naval experience.
AM : Merchant navy?
DG : No - Navy of the Islamic Republic of Iran.
AM : Errrr
 
#11
Freshers' Week always brings on my recurring Tourettes. I 'ate feckin' students, mainly because I have to work among 'em. Campus has been lovely and quiet over the summer with only staff and postgrads around, but now it's swarming with the little c*nts, draping themselves over every available surface and trying to hump the leg of any female who doesn't walk by quickly enough.

Pound to a pinch in two weeks they'll be whining about grants having p*ssed their money up the wall on overly-expensive imported lager, iPod accessories and a battery of highlighters they'll never use.

Did I mention how I 'ate feckin students?
 
#12
smartascarrots said:
Freshers' Week always brings on my recurring Tourettes. I 'ate feckin' students, mainly because I have to work among 'em. Campus has been lovely and quiet over the summer with only staff and postgrads around, but now it's swarming with the little c*nts, draping themselves over every available surface and trying to hump the leg of any female who doesn't walk by quickly enough.

Pound to a pinch in two weeks they'll be whining about grants having p*ssed their money up the wall on overly-expensive imported lager, iPod accessories and a battery of highlighters they'll never use.

Did I mention how I 'ate feckin students?
Aw, come down off the fence and tell us how you feel about students!
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#13
During the long vac it is terrific! One can drive up the roads and streets around this city without dozens of useless pratts weaving around on terminally bad bikes. The pubs are civilized and not full of spotty and callow youths brayingly demanding a 'pint of your finest real ale,landlord' before spewing it all over the floor of the gents bogs. No sad and desperate girls in short but clumpy tops, revealing their sallow saddle bags over the top of their achingly trendy -but carefully distressed - jeans. And none of them prosetilyzing about life , the works of Rousseau or trying to find where Stephen hawkins is going to be, so that they can fawn over the grumpy bloody R2D2 git!
 
#14
Im in the unfortunate position of loathing students but also having a degree and having done the full undergrad thing. So Im hated by students for hating students and hated by everyone else for once having been a student. Stuck between a rock and Jeremy Kyle reruns.
 
#15
If you wear something other than a dirty Red Dwarf t-shirt tucked into your jeans (that are either an inch too short or so big they rest precariously on the curve of your buttocks and are made of so much denim there you might take off in a high wind), have washed both your hair and body in the last few days and smell remotely masculine, have more than £10 to spend on booze that evening else you'll have to go without food for a day, and sound like you know more than the sum total of 3 A Levels-worth of knowledge (which ain't a hell of a lot), then the ladies will have their ankles round their ears before their second pint of cider and black that you bought them for all of 99p.

Enjoy.
 
#16
I did notice last year, having money and having shaved seemed to assist greatly. Having a mortgage confused and the concept of a company van made them run to wikipedia for an explanation "you mean, they give you a van for free?" "No." "Can you sell it?" "No" "Does that mean.." "look, do you want a cider and blackcurrent or not?"
 
#17
Yes, always a danger introducing concepts that they may not yet be aware of. Such as tax, mortgages, the 'C' word (Children - yours, your sisters, your friend's - a big no no, will make her clam up and run like a scared limpet with legs), car payments, stag do's, your ex-wife, that ex-girlfriend who you saw for 6 years before realising one of you didn't have the commitment, what your parents (and even grandparents died from), gardening, your compost, and beating the sh!t out of anyone for being a cnut (for students can be a squeemish breed and unaccepting of the fact that either violence or war are sometimes necessary), unless you've got the skills to paint yourself as the dashing hero of the tale without sounding like a knob (difficult).

Also, the novelty of getting 'absolutely wasted' will undoubtably not have run it's course yet, so watch for that tricky 'consent' issue, it's a minefield.
 
#20
true true. Although the union prices help and less chance of having to answer all those fiddly questions like "what did you just put in my drink?" or "how do you plead?"
 
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