Frank carson dies

It was the way he told em. Irrepressible frank Carson has died at the age of 85.

BBC News - Frank Carson, the Northern Irish comedian, dies aged 85

A fella walks into a pet shop and says: “Give me a wasp.” The shopkeeper replies: “We don’t sell wasps.” He says: “There’s one in the window.”

* Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once. He drank it.

* A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got Viagra?” “Do you have a prescription?” asks the chemist. “No,” he replies, “But I’ve got a photograph of the wife...”

* A fella walked into hospital and the doctor said: “You’ve got three minutes to live.” The man said: “Can you do something for me?” “Yes,” he said. “I’ll boil you an egg.”

* I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

* A fella said to the doctor: “What’s the good news?” “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” He says: “What’s the bad news?” And the doc says: “We should have told you yesterday.”

* I rang British Telecom. I said, “I want to report a nuisance caller.” He said: "Not you again.”

* My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.

* My wife said to me: “If you won the lottery, would you still love me?” I said: “Of course I would. I’d miss you, but I’d still love you.”

* An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband demanded to know who the other man was.

Great comic timing. He wouldn't stop cracking them though even when off stage.
A proper comedian and former Para, May he rest in a well deservered peace.
My best mate knew him from promoting golf courses years ago, he was exactly the same person off screen as on, also tried to pull anything that sat down to piss!
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