Forces sense of humour.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by RedcoatGreenjacket, Sep 16, 2011.

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  1. Today, i told some work colleagues about my mucker, an ex infantry type who is now in Civvy Street working in -reinsurance or some such dribble.
    He was at some drinks do when he needed to drain the main vein, there he is between two younger chaps at the trough who were trying to outdo each other with stories of how hard they were. Unable to stand any more of this conversation he drunkenly asked them what is the most disgusting thing that they have ever done, whilst they are rying to come up with an answer he picks up one of the many yellow cubes from the trough and starts chomping down on it. He left the pair of them yawning Tapas and voile a vonts into thier own urine flow.

    Strangely the two blokes i told this to had trouble holding down their cheese sandwiches. They really did'nt see the humour in this...................................or is it me?

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  2. Knew a Reccy Mech many moons ago who used to do the same as his party piece in the Rugby Club, washed down with malt vinegar!
  3. Used them as ice cubes in a pint of piss. Could drink piss no bother at all, but couldn't hold down the chemicals, for I am a puff.
  4. A few of us were drinking in Paderborn, in the up-market cocktail bar called "Blue Angel" one evening, sat on the stools by the bar. A few random drinks later, and I get a wet slap around my face.

    The manc' recce mech (pattern forming here isn't there?!) that was out with us had picked up the plastic "swisher" urinal insert and brought it back to bar with him, and slapped me round the grid with it.

    We promptly took turns biting chunks out of it. A few of ze German patrons looked obviously disgusted at this, and the homo barman was nearly sick.

    To be fair, he didn't throw us out until we started drinking shots through a straw, conveniently pushed through a whole in the recce-mechs banjo string.
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  5. Took on a tribe of limbless pygmies in deepest Surbiton. Once I had beaten them up I then shagged their wimminfolk (grannies and greatgrannies included) until my member was red-raw. Then to increase sensitivity of my member I then vigorously rubbed Algipan onto it and then banged the pygmie wimminfolks' backdoors in. To add insult to injury I wiped my knob all over their finest loincloths and converted them to Extremerightwingism.
  6. Freckles - civvies don't like the game...
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  7. This is a stone cold fact.
  8. Ooooooh you fibber, it was Deepheat not hermer Algipan
  9. A very good friend of mine was skint and due to pay day being end of the month drank a pint of Puke for 20 quid, it still makes me feel like throwing.....can you get PTSD from watching said activity......It somewhat belittled my drinking pints of piss Championship in the bargain
  10. Do you know me?

    I was also the Detmold (1977) Pickled Egg eating champion. 30, one after the other, non stop.
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  11. I know it isn't the same but poached eggs was my thing, 24 poached eggs on toast for breakfast. This was after a 14 hour night shift and the Belgie fat splasher (Shape HQ) didn't believe me when I ordered them. :)
  12. 24 Poached eggs, after a night shift, I'm thinking you've got to be a blue job with a breakfast like that. I was there circa 97 - 00, didn't see nothing like that, think the worst we did in SHAPE because of the delicacy of blue job stomachs was yamming pints of Murphy's over and over till it looked like a McDonalds milkshake.
  13. Okay been rumbled. I actually rubbed a chap called Ben Gay with Deepheat (for those who have no experience of muscle rubbing ointments Ben Gay is an Amercian product similar to Algipan but here as you can see I have made a play on words for humour and not because I actually rubbed up a bloke called Ben who was gay).
  14. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    there were two lunatics at the rugby club i used to play for, One's party piece was to drink a pint of chilli sauce and the other would challenge people to see who could finish a pint first. the person who had been challenged would gulp their drink straight down and would say that they had won, our lunatic would say " you haven't finished the glass" and would then bite chunks out of the glass, chew them and swallow until he got to the thick base of the glass. He would then smile showing blood between his teeth.
    • Like Like x 2
  15. I should add for completeness and accuracy that, while trying to down my pint of piss with lemon flavoured ice cubes I repeatedly threw up into the glass and carried on drinking/ chewing. It was every time those cubes nudged my nose I'd fill the glass up again. I was determined to keep going, but in the end not so determined; when allowed to stop by VG I did.

    Still the shame burns within for not finishing what I'd started, though.