FMT 3 "Stories".

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by mad_mick, Jun 28, 2013.

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  1. Apart from my MJ, 87 KD 08 been sunk on Bovvy tank course during driver/diver training, we had our CMV bent in Central London by the car park attendant... handy thing was it was in New Scotland Yards carpark and we, for once, could find a copper.

    But I'm sure there's better out there.
  2. A Cpl of my acquaintance leaned through the open door of a Land Rover and switched the engine on. The vehicle was parked with the gear stick in reverse. It was also LH drive, so the Cpl put his arm through the steering wheel to reach the ignition.

    As the engine turned over it lurched backwards into a bollard (which fortunately prevented it moving any further at which point the engine stalled). As the vehicle moved backwards the front wheels straightened up causing the steering wheel to turn, trapping and breaking the Cpl's arm which was still holding the key through the steering wheel. At the same time the front LHS wheel ran over his foot trapping it under the tyre.

    A few days later myself and the SSM had to explain to the RSM how Cpl X was named on the FMT3 as both the driver and also as the casualty who was standing outside the vehicle at the time of the accident...

    At least the RSM was smiling when we left his office.


    • Like Like x 7
  3. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    After a short but satisfying career in the cavalry I transferred to the shiny-arrsed RAPC and did one three-year tour (12 Armoured Workshop REME) before starting a four-year resettlement course at the Computer Centre.

    12 Armd Wksp was reduced to a minor unit to support a single brigade as I arrived and 2 Armd Div went the other way back to the UK. So the crew was, for a lot of the time, Corporal Alien, a staff sergeant and a REME Admin Officer. The regime was laid-back but extremely efficient.

    "Alien, Mucker, get a cheque off the Admin Officer for DM2000 and head off down the bank. That should cover Pay Parade."

    So I'd walk into the AO's office and hand him a cheque for signature. Then I'd phone up MT. "Can I have a Land Rover?" They knew that if the answer was No, there'd be no petrol coupons for MT Troop for a month.

    This particular day, I walked into the MT hangar. (Having just stopped to try and get a sneak look at a 14/20H or a Royal Hussars (I forget which) CR1 that was in to be fixed. CR1 was still secret and try as I might, I couldn't get in, even though a couple of years previously I had been a Hussar meself. But that's another story.)

    Two craftsmen stepped back from a SWB they'd just serviced. "There you go." Filled in the work ticket, jumped in and started up." Roared out of the hangar, turned right down to the guard room, then left onto the Vehrter Landstrasse and headed off down the hill.

    It was a lovely day as I hammered down the hill, but I was surprised when I saw I was being overtaken by a Land Rover wheel. I did a double take as I wondered where that had come from, until the Rover settled down onto its wheel-less axle.

    Long story short. The two craftsmen got a severe rocket. My words on being invited for an interview without coffee suggested that they were having a laugh. I considered taking trial by court martial but let's face it, on a technicality I hadn't personally checked it over for the presence of wheel nuts before driving off so I had to accept the OC's award. Three month warning.

    Next day the phone rang. Commander Finance 1 Armd Div's voice carried from where staffy picked up the phone. I caught snippets.

    "Corporal Alien ... three month warning ... REME twaaaats," etc. Next day, Commander Finance fronted up: a rare event indeed in a poky backwater like 12 Armd, and invited himself into the OC's office for a chat. When he came out, he paid us a visit. "What three-month warning, Corporal Alien."

    Well impressed was I.

    Mind, number of time I saw stoppages of pay and busting of ranks cross my desk when I was administering their pay accounts, I think it was par for the course for the REEMS.
  4. That made the medic in me laugh
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  5. The Cpl concerned was also a medic...people were shouting out for him until they realised who the casualty was...


    I'm glad it made you laugh - we pissed ourselves over it (once we understood the injuries were not life threatening)!


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  6. that's a pretty perfect story Rodney if I may say! Sort of one only life can make up and the army give the required details.

    i put a Leyland DAF into an interesting position in a drainage ditch once. As if it wasn't horrific enough I had to get out of the cab which was facing the sky. I was being marshalled so avoided blame. My guts were in a knot for a while I can tell you! Wagon was fine thankfully.
  7. I once heard a story about a postie from Mill Hill who had to fill in a FMT3, after his sherpa van was hit by a jumbo jet whilst collecting post,airside at heathrow.
    I am sure the guys that process the FMT3s had a real "How the flock" moment when they tried to sort that one out.
  8. slightly related story: while a teen i worked air-side at gatwick and saw a 737 (or similar) roll straight into one of the gates (on the satellite/farthest away gates from main terminal) it slowly hit and momentum slid the nose part-way under the steel frame of the building, testing the wheel hydraulics to the limit. it was a knackered out one leased when companies needed an emergency 'plane. i can well imagine anything in the way on the ground, in that kind of incident would get a knock!
  9. Yep its true think it was a 7tonner though think it was at Southend airport I'll ask over on our facebook page we also had someone run over and kill a tramp at Kings Cross. I also took a 7.5 tonner Merc though a drive through McDonalds in Bouchum and failed. Mind you the mileage posties do not surprised they have the odd FMT moment MillHill had the biggest white fleet in the MoD when I was there in the 90s.
  10. Not FMT3 but sort of in the same vein.
    Father in Law tells the tale of working for his dad as a youth in the 1940's. His dad had a sidline flogging cars FiL's job was to re-carve a tread around worn tyres with paring knife. Dig too deep and he would expose canvass and incurr wrath of patter. Later on in his grown up years he flogged a car to a chap in Richmond. As he dropped the car at the fellows house on a hill he realised the brakes were not as good as should be, parked it with wheels pointing into kerb. Lo the fellow did not drive it straight away but got in some time later. Set off down hill and to his suprise and horror discovered that stopping was only available by colliding with local plods front door. Dad said he found out the bloke was done for defective brakes as he was now the owner. Kept a low profile for a while on that. Lesson? Never trust anything FiL has said he's fixed, bodger in chief he is.
  11. Some from 4RTR.

    Spearpoint or some such. C Sqn lining up along a road late o'clock, beacons going, ready to move off. Last call sign, one of the crew feels a bump. No one else noticed but eventually a strong smell of petrol became apparent. They jump down and do a walk around to find the back end of a car sticking out from underneath. Turns out the driver was a 70+ local doctor whose colleagues were signing him fit to drive.

    Crew driver training. At the time the road outside York Barracks was being widened from outside the main entrance toward Loddenheide. Lots of cones, single flow traffic controlled by traffic lights. Chieftain had the right of way. Car driven at speed from the other direction ignoring lights. Tank track versus car body = tin opener special. The driver was a woman who they had to sedate to get her hands off the driving wheel. The best bit was the driver's reaction who was being tested for his Group H license. After being screamed at to halt, climbs out and asks the instructor "Have I passed?"

    Mine was a simple one but the OC was an administrator's idea of perfection he could ahve got a PhD in it. Went on to become an unpopular Brig. in GW1. Driving on to a track in SWB plus trailer. Can't have been paying attention, next minute on it's side in a ditch and trailer has parted company and landing on top of the vehicle. Tongue in cheek, called him on the sqn net and said I need to buy some more sauce (he had lots of goodies in the trailer), after a significant silence the response comes back wtf? and then followed procedure for the RTA. Got away with trashing the landie and trailer but hammered for the breach in radio discipline.

    Not one of our FMTs but related to us as the Scammell was transporting one of ours to somewhere for a big FTX. Old dear walked out into the road and discovered she wasn't tougher than the radiator grill. GCP turn out and do their officious bit. Old dear's daughter appears with bucket of water and scrubbing brush - turns out the GCP had ordered her to clean up the front of the Scammell. Our jock soon put a stop to that.
  12. Nothing like an amusing injury to cheer up a medic. The mating call of the American Water Heater* meant my day wasn't going to be gloomy

    *"fffffffftOOOOOOMffff" for the youth in here
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  13. Which was the actual regiment which had the stally and hanged dog?
  14. According to the tiffy that told me (he was there at the time you know) it wasn't, it was in base workshops being serviced after being in storage for X years and so wasn't anyones.

    The SSM from 3ADTR said it was one of theirs when he was there as a young Driver
  15. They also had one of the biggest slags in the corps there in the 90s.

    Sent in a harsh font, using finger paints