Flowers for a shag - Pies for a fatty.

#2
I used to use a company called Unirose who, for a fiver, would send a single, long-stemmed, red rose in a white satin-lined wooden box to the woman I fancied at any one time. Worked every time!
 
#3
I used to use a company called Unirose who, for a fiver, would send a single, long-stemmed, red rose in a white satin-lined wooden box to the woman I fancied at any one time. Worked every time!
I'm starting a company called Exrose which, for Five Hundred Quid, will send a single, long-stemmed, dead rose and a pine box to the woman you want out of your life.
 
#5
I'm starting a company called Exrose which, for Five Hundred Quid, will send a single, long-stemmed, dead rose and a pine box to the woman you want out of your life.
It's a sound business plan, but don't move into my territory and start sending long dead roadkill badgers to unloved persons.
 
#6


But would you let this heffer near your sausage?

Getting noshed off might take on a whole new and unexpected meaning for you.
 
#8
I'm starting a company called Exrose which, for Five Hundred Quid, will send a single, long-stemmed, dead rose and a pine box to the woman you want out of your life.
What price for a bag of stinging nettles?













Or a claymore mine rigged to the box lid.
 
#9
But would you let this heffer near your sausage?

Getting noshed off might take on a whole new and unexpected meaning for you.
It'd be like the old game of BJ roulette. You can opt for a nosh from six women, not knowing which one is the cannibal!
 
#12


But would you let this heffer near your sausage?

Getting noshed off might take on a whole new and unexpected meaning for you.
There's no doubt about it. She definitely swallows.
 
#13
Camberwell_Carrot_:4452638 said:


But would you let this heffer near your sausage?
How can one decide when one can hardly see her? She might be quite attractive really. Play fair, eh?
She's clearly only built for ingesting food. The fat fucker can bearly breathe as it is. Even a pickle dick would suffocate the cnut and it will be her own fault.
 
#15
You might be safe. A diet full of sugar filled drinks and snacks may have caused her to lose a lot of teeth.
 
#16
My missus doesn't like getting flowers. I thought it was because she didn't like killing their beauty but it's probably down to her not wanting to have sex.

Hell, I knew that already.
 
#17
I brought home a bunch of flowers for my partner,

she said "I suppose you want me to open my legs for them?"




I asked "why dont you have a vase?"
 
#18
Then she did & you said, "fuck, if you haven't anything smaller I'll be away back down the florist's, these will be swimming in there!"
 
#19
Women are such dopes. If I buy one a bunch of flowers, I am guaranteed to get its knickers off. Actually, bouquet buying is quite a bit cheaper than using one of my regular hookers, which in these straitened times is something that cannot be ignored.
Takes more than a bunch of flowers. Half a bottle of Pimms should do it
 
#20
If anyone wants to send me flowers, PM for my address. No sexual favours of any kind will be given out in exchange (well, maybe, depends on the flowers) but I will think nice thoughts of you. :)
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top