Flowers for a shag - Pies for a fatty.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by old_bloke, Jun 12, 2012.

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  1. Telegraph has an article on flowers helping to get a shag but the final paragraph must have been from an Arrser.

    "If you approach someone outside a bakery and asked them if they wanted a pie then you might get quite a high response rate there. That is because they are already in that neighbourhood for a reason,” he said"

    Yes cos they are fat bastards.

    Flowers and romance are linked, study finds - Telegraph
  2. I used to use a company called Unirose who, for a fiver, would send a single, long-stemmed, red rose in a white satin-lined wooden box to the woman I fancied at any one time. Worked every time!
    • Like Like x 1
  3. I'm starting a company called Exrose which, for Five Hundred Quid, will send a single, long-stemmed, dead rose and a pine box to the woman you want out of your life.
    • Like Like x 12
  4. Do you have a website?
    • Like Like x 2
  5. It's a sound business plan, but don't move into my territory and start sending long dead roadkill badgers to unloved persons.
  6. [​IMG]

    But would you let this heffer near your sausage?

    Getting noshed off might take on a whole new and unexpected meaning for you.
  7. Roadkill Badgers? The Redneck singer?
  8. What price for a bag of stinging nettles?

    Or a claymore mine rigged to the box lid.
  9. It'd be like the old game of BJ roulette. You can opt for a nosh from six women, not knowing which one is the cannibal!
  10. How can one decide when one can hardly see her? She might be quite attractive really. Play fair, eh?
  11. Was that photo taken at the last ARRSE crawl?
  12. There's no doubt about it. She definitely swallows.
    • Like Like x 2
  13. She's clearly only built for ingesting food. The fat fucker can bearly breathe as it is. Even a pickle dick would suffocate the cnut and it will be her own fault.
  14. I'd be in the clear? Now you're talking. Cheers. I'll just wake up the old man here.

    Mustard on it, Miss?

    All together now: "California Dreamin'......"
  15. You might be safe. A diet full of sugar filled drinks and snacks may have caused her to lose a lot of teeth.