Fixing Toilet Seats

#1
Does anyone have a foolproof way of fixing a toilet seat to the toilet so that it doesn't move after a few months of use. I've tried everything I can think of including using double sets of nuts to stop big plastic nut from moving.
The toilet seats are not cheap ones as I do like a bit of comfort while having a read/dump, so this is becoming a pain the the arse (excuse the pun).
Any advice especially from the building/plumbing side of arrse would be greatfully recieved.
 
#2
You have clearly invested wisely in upmarket toilet seats, so they cannot be at fault.The problem seems to be in your personal crapping technique,where you are imparting an unfortunate torsional stress onto the seat itself. Have you considered fitting straining bars ?
 
#3
.................It's not the toilet seat that is at fault. The fittings are simple to use & fairly foolproof.

Provided you are of average weight!

If you are a morbidly obese tub of lard, the poor bog seat stands no chance at all!

Hence the wing nuts become loose due to those fat grinners, constantly plonking themselves onto a seat designed for a normal person!

Get to the gym you fat **** & stop eating all the pies!
 
#4
#7
I used to do building maintenance for a housing assn & a few private landlords. The amount of bog seats the idle fucks used to ring up about to get replaced was unreal. One lard arse used to have one every couple of months. The problem is when they shift their bulk to one side so they can get their arm behind to wipe their arses. It puts so much strain on the fixings they just give up at some point. Best way to solve it is stand up & wipe or get a seat perm a fixed to the chod bin ala public shitehose style.
 
#8
I'd see if a wine cork would fit the hole in the porcelain, one top and one bottom and then drill it to the diameter of the bolt to prevent the seat's lateral movement when under stress.

That or lose some weight to the same end.
 
#9
shit in the shower,

use shower as a bidet

jobby jobbed
 
#10
#12
I used to do building maintenance for a housing assn & a few private landlords. The amount of bog seats the idle fucks used to ring up about to get replaced was unreal. One lard arse used to have one every couple of months. The problem is when they shift their bulk to one side so they can get their arm behind to wipe their arses. It puts so much strain on the fixings they just give up at some point. Best way to solve it is stand up & wipe or get a seat perm a fixed to the chod bin ala public shitehose style.
Far easier than that it the BIOTOILET, of which range the "prestige" model is the best as it offers a "pulsating massage" and a "feminine wash" - though I'm not sure if the w@nk comes before the moaning or vice versa.

In any event, for a very modest charge your scatological and urinary satisfaction (and pleasure) is assured. Apparently.

Failing that - take a dump at work and the problem is immediately resolved.


Oh yeah - forgot to mention: it has a quick release feature too. Useful for when suction prevents lardy-arse from breaking seal or when knackers get caught under lid. At least, I think that's what it means.
 
#17
As mentioned before, worth making sure the right combination of washers, rubber(or plastic) and steel are there.

I'm told these are useful but I've not tried them. Link Screwfix

I've never found wing-nuts Plastic or metal very user friendly so I tend to swap them with ordinary hex nut and use one of these box spanners to tighten. I've found the spanners useful for other things around the house, too.

41IS7jkXFnL._SY450_.jpg

Link Amazon
 
#19
Dump Arab-style - squat on the bare rim and let it go ...
Neutral squat, all very good until

broken_toilet.jpg

happens, resulting in

bog-leg.jpg

Not the same incident, very unlikely to happen, though possible. Something to do with weight distribution rather than total weight
 
#20
Do you perchance pray towards the East 5 times a day?
Migration to Mecca time the service stations back home all sprouted signs saying words to the effect of "Don't wash your feet in the hand basins". I think I've seen them in France as well.
 

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