First Shag of 2009

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Jan 8, 2009.

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  1. [align=left]Greetings chaps & chapesses!

    In honour of my old prestigious post ‘First shag of 2008’, I have decided to compose a sequel for 2009. This post, as with many of my others, revolves around the dear subject of young ladies bottoms.

    I’ve been seeing my young student/lawyer friend again recently, the one who was foolish enough to entertain me at a hotel at her own expense. I’ve discovered that her main course of study is ‘human rights’, I’ve also had the honour of being introduced to her dear mother, a staunch supporter of the red rosette, Labour to the bone, a retired lefty art teacher with a severe dislike for the ‘Old Boys’ & anything remotely Tory, so naturally she took a special shine to moi!
    As far as my initial experiences with young ladies are concerned, I am now only acting in a manner that will satisfy my own conscious, with these latest revelations I feel I have even less reason to feel guilt, quite the contrary, I feel a glimmer of satisfaction. :)

    From the very start her mother took an exception to me, though I was cordial to the old hag. I suppose due to the fact that the only time she ever saw me, over the several times that I visited, was when I was either entering her daughters bedroom, leaving it, or quaffing the family’s humble alcohol supply, such behaviour did not reveal me in a flatting light, indeed, according to latest reports it appears that I am now an unwelcome guest in that particular family abode. :oops:

    I suspect this may also have something to do with my latest visit, whereby a little accident occurred during our extended session of rumpy-pumpy. The young lady had been texting me & had willingly agreed to partake in an act of notorious nautical sin. She’d been very thoughtful to keep the large tub of lube I had specially purchased & so we decided to employ it in an utterly depraved & despicable manner.
    The young lady, about 5”2 with delicate features & now with slightly darker brown hair, appeared wearing a black corset with stockings, her bosom dotted with Swarovski crystal & a ribbed black centre piece covered her front, her crotch was bare with only the small, black ribbons of her stockings for modesty, a little see-through veil acted as a dress, only slightly covering her thighs, but revealing all her intimacy.
    The lights were dark & I feel I must emphasise that I did not know exactly what was going on, we were both slightly intoxicated due to my seductive technique of drinking large amounts of cheap Rose.
    We adopted the irresistible spooning position with some gusto, my girlie was rhythmically rubbing her posterior up against my throbber in wild trepidation for what was to follow. I put my faithful hands to good use, my dexterous piano fingers daring to probe every available orifice, carrying out with perfect diligence the directions offered to me on Arrse almost exactly one year ago. :wink: A finger here, some lube there, a pause to see whether she’ll let me continue, the only part I missed was the hunting horn…
    She whimpered slightly, as a dog would for a juicy bone, then in one glorious movement she parted her sweet cheeks. Her quivering orbs splayed to reveal her jet epicentre of mystery. She plonked her puckered part over my raging boner, like a small elastic band being stretched across a giant cucumber, there was some rejection at first, but then her bottom surrendered to my will & opened up all its charms!
    I wasn’t quite sure at the time what hole I had defiled, her other one being as tight as this at times, but I went to my task with relish. After a few moments she decided it was too much for her delicate star to endure, so I quickly withdrew, her ricker sucking back against my schlong like a suction cup. :lol:
    As I pulled out I smelt a rather musky pong, similar to stale, meaty, dog food on a warm day, but as I was still slightly intoxicated I thought nothing of it.
    It was only the next morning, when the young lady went to get a cup of tea, that the full horror of what had happened finally stuck me & my ghastly situation became apparent! During my overzealous retreat from her anal cavity, my knob had managed to suck out whatever else had been there at the time. As a result there were now a number of long, brown, poo marks spread across her crispy, white, sheets in the likeness of a Jackson Pollock masterpiece. 8O
    The delightful stains were located at bum level & were fortunately a little further down the bed. I was able to implement my cunning guile by hiding them from view with the covers. When the young lady returned with the tea I had to use all my acting talent to force a poker smile & willingly hold her close, all the while knowing I was lying in the smelly deposits of her anus. :x

    I decided that I must escape as quickly as possible, least the stains be discovered whilst I was still present & an awkwardness as yet unknown to man ensue. I hastily formulated a plan, made my excuses & busily packed my things whilst trying desperately to ignore the mysterious brown splodge on my forefinger. I managed to have a fleeting conversation with her dear mother, she still had the happy & affectionate manners of a junkyard dog & I was unsure whether she had heard the acts that were so detrimental to my good standing. Then, feeling somewhat elated for what I had done to her darling daughter & being sure she must have seen the stains by now, I quickly rushed out & headed for home, my work bag still carrying a number of spooge filled condoms that I hadn’t & still haven’t been able to dispose of. :roll:
    On the way home I popped in to greet my parents with a sense of joviality that only a young man can attain after a full night of buggery. As I retired to the lavatory & admired myself in the mirror, I noticed for the first time the glob of pussy juice stuck to my stubbly tache…
    Unsurprisingly I haven’t been allowed back into the tarts house since this incident, but I am seeing her again next Friday, I have a bit of a dilemma now, how exactly does one address this situation, if at all :? It certainly isn’t covered in any relationship advice books & I fear a smooth recovery may not exist.

    & believe me ever your most obedient & faithful servant.


  2. Did you really have to post that?
    You behaved in a most caddish way and deserve a sound thrashing in my book...Dashing chap? bounder I would say.
  3. Just act like nothing happened; she may think she shat the bed.
  4. Indeed, a true gentleman would have inverted the bottom sheet, leaving the ladyfriend blissfully unaware (and therefore not embarrassed) of the state of the bed linen. At least until her mum got round to changing the sheets.
  5. msr

    msr LE

    Can't believe you didn't wipe your cock on the curtains.
  6. If Oscar Wilde and Ron Jeremy could be amalgamated into one, ethically baron, consciousness I'm sure it wouldn't be a far cry from you. I salute your candidness.
    With regards the dubious deposition: Ignore the situation altogether, that generally works. Alternatively blame the mother, say the must have dragged her hoop along the sheets in order to frame you and 'dirty' the relationship.
  7. Can you be more precise? Which set of curtains were you referring to?
  8. Rather old boy, I wouldn’t want to let my gentlemanly values get in the way of my own pleasure. :wink:

    Turning the sheets over, that’s outrageously sneaky! I didn't think of that! :x

  9. (Not very) fresh from the pages of FHM, Loaded, etc.
  10. My right hand :D :D :D
  11. My own fair hand chaps, that’s almost praise coming from you master Jarrod, I’m afraid my woeful experiences are all true. :)

  12. I had a little giggle earlier, the young lady in question decided to send me a photo of her arrse, she was sporting some panties with a delightful request printed upon them. On closer inspection the spot which was most exploited appears to have been disfigured somewhat. 8O

  13. Hello Kettle this is pot, do one you dull snapper

    He's funnier than you
  14. You had a little giggle?? You are queer aren't you. Just do the decent thing, like Jarrod, and come out the closet will you.

    As soon as I read the title of this thread I knew it would be you writing it.

    You're full of it aren't you.

    You're really a boy at prep school masturbating into your nannys old crusty knickers aren't you.
  15. First shag of 2009 involved no kissing the mrs as I had a coldsore. It was like sleeping with a night walker, I had to pay her after it so she could get some shopping in.