First killer badgers, now sharks 200km inland

#1
Not sure if this has been done yet?

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,22676230-5013016,00.html

Tahseen Ali, a teacher, said there was a "75 per cent chance" Americans had put the shark in the water.

"This is very frightening for us. Our children always swim in the river and I believe that there are more sharks. I believe that America is behind this matter," Mr Ali said.

British forces in Iraq were blamed for the alleged discovery of killer badgers who preyed on Iraqis - although the British have denied any such treachery and doubt that such creatures even exist.

:lol:
 
#2
Steven said:
Not sure if this has been done yet?

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,22676230-5013016,00.html

Tahseen Ali, a teacher, said there was a "75 per cent chance" Americans had put the shark in the water.

"This is very frightening for us. Our children always swim in the river and I believe that there are more sharks. I believe that America is behind this matter," Mr Ali said.

British forces in Iraq were blamed for the alleged discovery of killer badgers who preyed on Iraqis - although the British have denied any such treachery and doubt that such creatures even exist.

:lol:
They really are a bunch of muppets over there (both iraqi's and spams!). WTF are we still doing there if they are going to come up with this sort of sh1t! :roll:
 
#3
It was probably a Bull shark. I heard that the Americans were also going to drop 40 yetis out of a C130 on Iraq yesterday to RV with the badgers and squirrels and then conduct a massive killer beasty assault on a location to be confirmed. Imagine the fear as the last thing they feel is yeti breath although this could also apply to most of the biped community. Santa and Rudolph will also conduct low level poo bombing ground support missions in support of said beasties.
 
#5
Makes you wonder how some people remember to keep breathing doesn't it.
 
#7
wings said:
It was probably a Bull shark. I heard that the Americans were also going to drop 40 yetis out of a C130 on Iraq yesterday to RV with the badgers and squirrels and then conduct a massive killer beasty assault on a location to be confirmed. Imagine the fear as the last thing they feel is yeti breath although this could also apply to most of the biped community. Santa and Rudolph will also conduct low level poo bombing ground support missions in support of said beasties.
Hello wings,

that is complete and utter nonsense,you clearly do not know what you are talking about.
Have you ever even been on exercise with the Tooth Fairies Squadron?
The terrain in Iraq is completely unsuitable for Yetis,they have been deployed to Afghanistan instead.
Also you really shouldn't be compromising Santa and Rudolph's security on an open forum.

tangosix.
 
#8
And Iran's so-called intelligence service claimed allied forces in the Gulf were fitting surveillance devices to squirrels to act as miniature spies.
8O :D
 
#9
It's a well known fact that Mossad have been scattering snake and crocodile eggs close to Iraqi villages.

There's some hysteria about it in the Arab press from time to time. The peasants believe it and everybody else pretends to.

Urban myths for the (very) unsophisticated.
 
#10
Tangosix, apologies for Opsec breach. I have exercised with the Tooth Fairies and found them to be very obliging by leaving money under my pillow normally after a hoofing run ashore and waking up with a sore hoop. The yetis i refer to have been undergoing aclimatisation for over 6 days and have had all their hair shaved off. The last time I saw them they were well up for having a crack at the bad guys and have a particularly blood curdling battle cry which goes like this "rrrroooooooaaaaarrrrrr". Scared the crap out of me I tell you.
 
#11
Curses...my cover has been blown...I'm off!
 
#12
All badgers are killers, what do those throbbers think they live on, cheese sandwiches?
 
#13
From the BBC "last night a squadron of light dragons breathed a lot of fire on some troublesome people in Iraq. The local population was incinerated at a stroke although there were a few survivors who complained of headaches due to the poisonous fumes. One survivor said "it flew right at me and definately had markings on it's wings which looked American". On the Tigris, a platoon of Danish mermaids suffered significant casualties when they were bumped around midnight. Heavily outnumbered Cpl "fishy" fisher tried to lead her mermaids back to the safety of the water but found that running using just their tails was quite cumbersome and sadly around 10 mermaids died in a hail of spears. There are also reports of a friendly fire incident involving Irish leprechauns and a troop of Loch Ness Monsters. The Himalayan yetis have conducted an airborne drop on a suspected arms dump but having found no weapons proceeded to sit around grumping and throwing rocks at each other. A local said to me "there are lots of bizzare animals about just now who are eating everything in sight including people, we blame the USA and the UK for delivering these beasts to our doorstep" on further questioning the same man said that they had all been at a late night party which involved special fermented apple juice.
 
#14
wings said:
From the BBC "last night a squadron of light dragons breathed a lot of fire on some troublesome people in Iraq. The local population was incinerated at a stroke although there were a few survivors who complained of headaches due to the poisonous fumes. One survivor said "it flew right at me and definately had markings on it's wings which looked American". On the Tigris, a platoon of Danish mermaids suffered significant casualties when they were bumped around midnight. Heavily outnumbered Cpl "fishy" fisher tried to lead her mermaids back to the safety of the water but found that running using just their tails was quite cumbersome and sadly around 10 mermaids died in a hail of spears. There are also reports of a friendly fire incident involving Irish leprechauns and a troop of Loch Ness Monsters. The Himalayan yetis have conducted an airborne drop on a suspected arms dump but having found no weapons proceeded to sit around grumping and throwing rocks at each other. A local said to me "there are lots of bizzare animals about just now who are eating everything in sight including people, we blame the USA and the UK for delivering these beasts to our doorstep" on further questioning the same man said that they had all been at a late night party which involved special fermented apple juice.
You are still pished from last night, aren't you?

Good one :D
 
#16
I'm being deployed shortly, and am in the boathouse eating bananas while I get my kit sorted. Some of the Ring Tailed Lemurs are a bit nervous, especially when the Baboons get their war face on and show them their bid red arrses. The Chimps are fine, when they are not shagging each other or biting each others ears off. They will probably end up as Support Weapons, but they've broken every dial sight in the troop, which is unfortunate. The Gibbons, as always, are cracking guys, albeit a bit ginger.

I'm worried about the Troop OC though. What eejit put a set of pips on a Sloth FFS....
 
#18
Davetheape, relax my little DNA relative, all will be fine. Your sloth is to be removed from command asap as is your 2ic and replaced with more experienced personnel. Your new boss is called Cornelius from the plant of the apes. He has a wealth of experience in this field although he is slightly suspect as to which team he plays for. He will be ably assisted by Amy from the Congo who has excellent translation skills although when she says "me Amy you bad gorilla" 100 times a day it may get on your nips. If you find that the Lemurs are getting nervous may I suggest that you all sit around licking sticks and eating ants for a while to get them to open up to you. If this fails leave them at home and deploy a few silver backs instead as they are proper nails.
 
#19
wings said:
Davetheape, relax my little DNA relative, all will be fine. Your sloth is to be removed from command asap as is your 2ic and replaced with more experienced personnel. Your new boss is called Cornelius from the plant of the apes. He has a wealth of experience in this field although he is slightly suspect as to which team he plays for. He will be ably assisted by Amy from the Congo who has excellent translation skills although when she says "me Amy you bad gorilla" 100 times a day it may get on your nips. If you find that the Lemurs are getting nervous may I suggest that you all sit around licking sticks and eating ants for a while to get them to open up to you. If this fails leave them at home and deploy a few silver backs instead as they are proper nails.
Thanks for that Wings -- wise words mate. You've no idea what the inside of the boathouse is like now; it's like a freaking zoo. I tried the stick thing with the Lemurs, but they've refused to soldier. The Chimps are down to one GPMG SF team, all the others have been eaten by their siblings. Amy's in the corner with some bloke looking for his laptop -- Andy something.

To sum up, I think we are going to have to cancel the relief-in-place with the Badgers. Boy, are they going to be angry now......
 
#20
Steady Dave, the RIP will still go ahead. Have spoken to Lt Col Bulgaria head of the Wombles Intelligence Cell who assures me that the badgers understand the situation in the boathouse and will hold their burrows at any cost. I am disappointed to hear about the Lemurs (always found them to be unreliable in a scrap) are refusing to soldier, my orders are to take them all outside now and shoot them for cowardice. Their fur may be used as a further layer of anti biting protection (remember not to split the hide). Chimps eh! who'd have them? good guys mind. Tell Amy from me to stop larking about watching scuzz and get on with the job in hand. Flash message just in: a pride of desert lions have volunteered to assist in your mission. You may want to thank them for this offer but I'm not sure if the constant attacks from friendly forces (the lions) on the chimps is a good idea.
 

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