Firing MLAARS from MLRS in Afghanistan

#1
As part of the new defence cuts to get the UK tax payer more bangs for their buck. The MoD recently annouced it was to stop buying MLRS rockets from US defence companies and would now be firing British MLAAARS. Defence Secretary John Reid explained that this would help British Troops on Op Herrick as the lack of force protection and air assets had reached the UK press. These British MLAAARs have an all weather capability and can operate at night. In a deal struck with some of Britains Cash strapped NHS trusts who are in severe debt, a total of 2750 MLAAARs will be sold to the MoD by the NHS for an undisclosed sum.
 
#2
Be aware of the hidden costs.

Balloons, incontinence pads and ice cream aren't cheap.
 
#3
Again with the mongs!!

What is wrong with you sick people?

Is there a illume version? do they come in armour piercing and HE or just standard dribble and sporadic violent outburst variations?

sick just sick
 
#4
yeh, but i wanna know the range penalty for 'rounds' equiped with those beer bottle bottom specs.
 
#5
Give 'em a sack of toffees and they'll manage to glue the whole OPFOR into one sticky mass with themselves in the middle. Give 'em a command detonated mine in a Mr Fluffy backpack to finish the job and Gladys is your uncle after the nasty revelation...
 
#6
CDE Porton Down are trying inject the Op Herrick MLAAARs with Bird Flu. 400 Mongs are on the train from Kings Cross to Glasgow as we speak they are going to feed them Swan Burgers.
 
#7
Just a thought,
Do you think we could force feed them glow sticks and then zip tie there todgers so you could see a tracer like streak of lumi piss?
 
#8
hallveg said:
Again with the mongs!!

What is wrong with you sick people?

Is there a illume version? do they come in armour piercing and HE or just standard dribble and sporadic violent outburst variations?

sick just sick
Don't be so pathetic. All gunners know that mongs come in two natures, "heart-warming (HW)" or "proximity revulsion (PROX)". When an HW mong is fired with its accompanying soft toys and mong-books, the OPFOR stop what they are doing, gather round the anoraked one, pat them on the head and issue a manly tear. This provides sufficient distraction for a battery's worth of AS90 to mallet the enemy causing more casualties. Sort of force multiplier effect.

Mong, PROX by contrast actually causes terminal effects on the enemy. PROX produces excrement, wee, drool and several other bodily emanations - all of which are frowned upon by the Geneva convention though not actually banned yet. Mong, PROX male rounds are particularly effective if fired at the ablutions or accommodation of female OPFOR. They lick and steam up windows, optics et cetera and generate masturbatory liquids. Not nice but that is war.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
 
#9
Lardbeast said:
Give 'em a sack of toffees and they'll manage to glue the whole OPFOR into one sticky mass with themselves in the middle. Give 'em a command detonated mine in a Mr Fluffy backpack to finish the job and Gladys is your uncle after the nasty revelation...

Is this going to be like the Russians with mines mounted on the back of dogs during WW2?

Get a couple of T72's and deck them out with musical chimes and a price list for '99s, cornettos and tangle twisters on the side - after a few weeks of conditioning them pavlov like to the new ice cream vans, all we need to do is loose them onto the battlefield as roving fire and forget ATGMs (anti tank guided mongs).
 
#10
what if the enemy decide to research MCM (mlarrr counter measures) a whole platoon of mlaaar warriors could be rendered immobilised by a mobile disco before even reaching thier objective. flashing lights and music... the casualties will be endless.

big pink fluffy ear muffs and issue sun glasses should sort out the mobile disco front, a few pints of dribbling on the electronics could take it out.

there needs to be a "special special mlaaar service." SSMS (the sas varient of the mlaar warrior.)
 
#11
Mongs could be used as whole manner of use, mine and IED clearage would be a fine example. In remote regions you could use them as camels to transport vital supplies in the RLC.
 
#12
I have mate who now writes software for the new Brimstone very smart weapon we will be soon be using in Iran. I am going to be selling a cut price version called MLAAAARSTONE. You strap 4 Mongs together at the knees, stomach and shoulder and push them out of a the tailgate of a Herc in LAPES. Their kinetic energy will burst 3metre thick concrete silos in Eshafan or Tehran. I have cousin called Seaman Stains who is a WAFU in the RN. He told me that Navy now carries a new weapon called MLAAAAARENT which has replaced the Trident as our long range sub launched nasty. I have to say that MLAAAAARs are a vital part of the new lean Army.
 
#13
I have been told some are being trained as operators for secure coms-much in the way of "Windtalkers".Certainly puts their caregivers in a new light.
 
#14
Is it true that Mrs Thatcher bought all available French mongs during the Falklands to stop them being used against the Task Force? It has been rumoured that there is a secret MOD facility filled with forty-something mongs who do nothing but dribble and say "Sacre mlllaaarrr" all day, and show a decided preference for snail flavoured ice-cream. Could these ageing but still servicable mongs be put to good use, or do they become unstable with age? I have heard that they must be treated delicately if they start sweating.
 
#16
hallveg said:
Just a thought,
Do you think we could force feed them glow sticks and then zip tie there todgers so you could see a tracer like streak of lumi piss?
you mean scoucers?
 
#17
An excellent double cost saving exercise to be had there.
What I'm concerned about though is trajectory accuracy; what with in inevitable flailing limbs, disproportionate inhalation/exhalation and varying quantities of sticky material such as drool and icecream will surely mean accurately calculating speed, direction vs drag factor will be tricky. Those chaps in ballistics will certainly have their work cut out, with no end of testing being required.... a tough job but I guess someone's got to do it :D
 
#18
Wrap them in drool soluble clingwrap before firing. Strap 'em six to a LAPES extractable pallet and rig it so the cover of a two gallon container of ice cream is lifted as part of the extraction sequence to initiate the drool flow so they hit the ground ready for action.
 
#19
filling their pockets with marbles and a small amount of C4 would create excellent claymore type anti personnel mines, Para chute claymore mongs (PCCM) units could be dropped onto the enemy lines just before an attack even if you get 50% blinds they would get the marbles out and spread them all over the place causing a nasty slip hazard which would drive the enemy health and safety reps crazy!
 
#20
Toffee apples spiked with caffeine. The dribbling and mmllaaarring could hit critical mass if you herd enough of them into a confined area.
 

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