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Finding 'The One' after divorce


Kit Reviewer
All I can say is that I sincerely wish you both well for the future. I've always said to my lad ( single still) that relationships can be like bank acounts. You can only withdraw benefits from investments.
But, you and I are experienced adults..we know this..
I suppose that when you are 40+ most of us are in a far better position to make sensible investments, and you know junk bonds when you see them!
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Kit Reviewer
Yup. Yours banged like a shithouse door in a force 12 gale. She could suck a golfball through a hosepipe.

And she only charged a tenner.
Don't know how to break this to you boet, but that was my little brother Cynth.
He only charges if it doesn't touch the sides.

My only sister died of gonorrhea.


Kit Reviewer


Kit Reviewer
Well. I'm handsomely endowed and it was like chucking a welly up the mersey tunnel.

The slag.
Don't be silly, you're white.
Currently got a mate sofa surfing who was categorically told by all his mates that the woman he was ******* was a psychopath......4 years later he’s a broken ******* man and I have a messy temporary lodger cluttering my gaff up

My best mate of 30+ years was similarly warned by all,that his fiancé was a wrong un. 2 years later and half his life’s property and cash gone. Not even a kid involved, daddies lawyers fleeced him
It's pathetic to watch.

Friend No 1: 18 months after horror divorce got hitched to a half French half Lebanese female who was very bright but mad as a box of frogs and prone to stories of her past thst would make Walter Mitty blush.

Obviously on the make and Mrs B loathed her on first meeting.

Currently living separate lives in Paris and London on his ticket pending divorce.

Friend No 2: amicable split from 1st wife. Immediately gripped on to by creature from Poland. Who after some time announces there is a child by a previous marriage, 5 years old and parked with her patents in Poland. Wouldn't it be nice if....

Ex husband? Oh he has "gone". Completrly out of picture. Never turned up for hearings because he was a liar, a violent pig and a career criminal.

Everyone said "RUN!!!!"

Nope. Married her and found out the hard way there was indeed a criminal liar involved but it wasn't her ex husband.

Currently a hugely expensive train wreck in progress across Scottish, Polish and for some reason German courts. Most recent gem is a bogus claim that she was "promised" half of all the assets from his mother's estate and wants to be bought out now.

His mother isn't dead. No promises made by anyone and Will entirely clear but intending to have a pop at her estate when she does pass.
Please tell me that was your divorce lawyer!
I would have been a legend if it was the case but Sue (Susan to her mother) was a property lawyer and mainly did conveyancing, boundary disputes, home insurance claims, etc. As I said, a truly lovely lady and we never had a cross word between us.


Kit Reviewer
There's a bit of African in the family DNA somewhere then. And I appear to have picked up the good bit.

A honky mofo with a Gibson's love muscle.
You'd better hope it's not Mel's.
Divorced in 1993 after six years of marriage. The divorce was not a happy time. Been single ever since, though there have been a few ladies in my life over the years including one I lived with for seven years. In the 9 years since that one ended I have had a few more, but I am not bothering with looking for or even hoping to meet "the one".

I have several close female friends, a couple of whom are available for a bit of bedroom fun from time to time, but neither they nor I am interested in turning our friendship into a relationship. Life is good.


Book Reviewer
What is this 'divorce' of which you speak? Do you not have a patio?

Seriously though, you need to learn to live with yourself. If you can't do that and require someone around to validate your existence you're pretty much fucked.


Appearing too "needy" is a turn-off for both sexes. I'm not suggesting playing the field or two-timing, merely getting on with your own interests etc. and not living in each other's pockets, holding each others hands and wearing matching sweaters :D
Wise words my friend.

I like travelling on my own now. I can go wherever I want, stop for more cake and coffee. I bought a decent camera and can take as many pictures as I like without having to enter into complex negotiations about where to go for lunch and when.

And best of all @CivvyLurker I bought my lovely ID mare back.

A mere 'like' isn't enough! From memory, she's a lovely, quality girl and I hope you have many happy years together.
My experience too sadly. Seems to be surprisingly common, albeit to varying degrees. I think that the official term for it is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Not to say there aren't some men with it, but just seems to be more prevalent with females. From experience:

- are very warm and loving initially, but one day they flip like a light switch and from then on constantly
- when in that state, can never, ever admit anyone is at fault but you
- pick at and patronise constantly, but always claiming it's because they care
- get you in a position where you never act without clearing with them first - otherwise automatic fail
- try to keep you away from friends, family and anyone they fear may have a negative opinion of them
- often have an unhealthy compulsion when 'in the grip"; drinking, spending, flirting etc
- hate having to openly express their needs - you need to guess and getting it wrong - automatic fail
- cannot have a rational conversation about life's practicalities - they either evade or become emotional
- If you argue back, even defensively, they instantly turn victim and demonise you even more

Very often, it is the most superficially attractive people who have it worst. Ironically, with my ex, once the relationship ended, it was like she snapped out of a coma and we were able to work through the divorce practically, calmly and amicably.
That was my ex. She drove me to depression, anxiety attacks and the contemplation of suicide, she was also physically violent and I ended up with a criminal record for defending myself, as her mummy had more money for a better lawyer and she was (is) excellent at playing the victim in public. 2016 was without a doubt the worst year of my life.
However, I walked away from her and anything to do with her. Lost £1000s as I walked away from the house as well, let her have everything and got a posting to a different location. It saved my sanity and she was fine, she was "facebook official" with another bloke 2 weeks after I walked out the door.
Didn't think I'd want anything to do with another woman but in 2017 met a lady who just made everything click. She makes me laugh every day, doesn't give me any reason to worry that she'll turn into a nutcase. We've not even had a disagreement, never mind an argument, she just makes life easy.
She listened to my story when we first met, told her I had a domestic assault record from the beginning and instead of running a mile, she helped me fix the broken bits. She's definitely a keeper.
It might seem like that now, but from experience, it won't last no matter how much you want it to or how much effort you make. You'll come home from work one day and she'll blindside you.

There's no such person as 'The One'. I used to think there was, but nope. Be very careful about how much you commit because some people are skilful manipulators who hide their true intentions. Be cautious, protect your happiness and keep your independence.
Agreed, I will never trust a woman with anything important again.
I have a couple of female friends who I see regularly, thoroughly enjoy their company but they are both married so that is where it stays, no problems.
And that independence mentioned above, priceless. I do what I want, when I want and will never give it up again.
And I get all the love I need in my life from my two daughters, and my nextdoor neighbors cat.
Today I am off for a couple of days dry fly fishing on a beautiful English chalkstream.
And shall stay at a waterside pub.
All is well with the world.

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