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Finding 'The One' after divorce

#61
...Lots of unsure worried stuff...

What is this 'divorce' of which you speak? Do you not have a patio?

Seriously though, you need to learn to live with yourself. If you can't do that and require someone around to validate your existence you're pretty much fucked.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#62
Married in 86 to Mrs J62 Mk1, lasted 7 years before divorce in 93, spent plenty of years (20) in a couple of longish relationships (and a few not so long) before finding Mrs J62 Mk2 in 2013. I'd known her for around 13 years, after opening a new pub for a well known pub chain and her being one of the first customers. Just happened to be unemployed at the time (through my own fault), wandered into one of my local pubs at lunchtime after doing the shopping. Minding my own business and got a tap on the shoulder and it was her. We chatted over a few drinks and decided that we'd like to meet up again. We liked the look of of each other from the first time we'd met in 2000, but what with work, moving around and being in a relationships, neither of us took it any further from 2000. Been together for 5 years now and got married in 2017, loads in common and enjoy our life as it is. Mk1 though, is another matter, she's gone through a mental stage (suicidal), a lesbian stage (years after I left before anyone asks) and is now a Buddhist with purple and black hair and half sleeve tattoos, in fact went through a bit of a body mod stage, tats, piercings and a tit job (which wouldn't look too bad if it wasn't for the fact that they look like a couple of half melons on a Biafran).
 
#63
Been single for 14 years (she announced divorce the day after my 50th birthday in the year of our Silver Wedding Anniversary - don't tell me about timings Drill Sarn't :))

Shagged and am shagging a variety of balkanese ladies - and living with one.

BUT - happy? The money is great but relationship-wise no! However have recently met a girl I knew from a long time ago and we seem happy and comfortable in each others company so who knows.
 
#64
Only married to the first one for two years and a bit, and far too long at that. I only had three faults, I breathed in , then out, and kept on doing it....

Six months after she legged it in front of being strangled I was set up by mates at a New Year party. Thirtieth anniversary next year.

Never let experiences of one wife, or anything else come to that, colour expectations of the next.
 
#65
I managed 9 years with the first Mrs H_M - we were together for 3 years prior to our wedding - and it will be 5 years next month with the second Mrs H_M (together for 2 years prior to our wedding). I also had a very nice time with a lady solicitor between wives, who was lovely. But she sold up and moved to a different law firm and that ended our relationship. To be fair, we both knew that is was coming to an end.
 
#68
A ski chalet owner in France , on hearing the marital woes of a fellow male guest over dinner ( with a fair amount of wine being taken ) , said " Divorce is rare in these parts , avalanches on the other hand , happen all the time , so often in fact , there are very rarely inquests . "
This was said in all seriousness .
Just remember that the next time you go skiing .
The attractive , sun tanned instructor also doubles as a part time hit man .
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#69
Seriously though, you need to learn to live with yourself. If you can't do that and require someone around to validate your existence you're pretty much fucked.
This x10

And similarly why I have to disagree with the "can't live without" comments. Along with "you complete me", "soul-mate", "Mr Right" and variations thereof.

@Speedy the biggest thing for me after 11 years with the same woman was that feeling of starting from scratch all over. I just couldn't be arrsed with it.

We hadn't had a bad breakup or anything - just two people who cared a lot for one another, but got on well more as mates and led different lives. Perhaps because I was always away, who knows?

But moving back into my old house, 11 years older, 11 years fatter, with 11 years less life - it's the thought of being able to let go ever again and risk wasting the next 11 years with something that will ultimately not be worth it.

People talk about trust but I think they misunderstand the meaning of it sometimes. Yeah there's trust "he won't lie, she wont cheat" etc - you pretty much get that from Day 1 Week 1. That's in the bank already and only by their behaviour will they begin to reveal themselves as a snake etc.

The unconditional trust barrier takes time. Depending on your past, how much you've been fecked over etc - can take years. It's frustrating too, because if you have met someone finally worthy of your attention, the irony is they're probably being treated more suspiciously than any of your previous partners when they've done nothing to deserve it. That's our subconscious hard at work. It's the reason why you can have a wicked few hours under the sheets with some trout you've met on a dating site for benefits, while that lush chick you want to spend the rest of your life with gets saddled with the "Melty Man", cometh the hour.

Time is what it takes. Time, patience and understanding.

Oh and laying off the beer helps too.

Unless you're single - then get the fridge stacked.

Oh and did I mention masturbation?

Just don't "snack between meals" though if you are getting jiggy with a new lady - the Melty Man tends to pick on us over-40s more you see.
 
#70
It might seem like that now, but from experience, it won't last no matter how much you want it to or how much effort you make. You'll come home from work one day and she'll blindside you.

There's no such person as 'The One'. I used to think there was, but nope. Be very careful about how much you commit because some people are skilful manipulators who hide their true intentions. Be cautious, protect your happiness and keep your independence.
Wise words my friend.

I like travelling on my own now. I can go wherever I want, stop for more cake and coffee. I bought a decent camera and can take as many pictures as I like without having to enter into complex negotiations about where to go for lunch and when.

And best of all @CivvyLurker I bought my lovely ID mare back.
 
#71
I managed 9 years with the first Mrs H_M - we were together for 3 years prior to our wedding - and it will be 5 years next month with the second Mrs H_M (together for 2 years prior to our wedding). I also had a very nice time with a lady solicitor between wives, who was lovely. But she sold up and moved to a different law firm and that ended our relationship. To be fair, we both knew that is was coming to an end.
Please tell me that was your divorce lawyer!
 
#72
OP.
You can live alone perfectly well without the experience of being lonely.
I got lucky. SWMBO & I are fine after 44 years.
We are rare example.
As my son observed, all without exception of his school mates through both primary & secondary schooling were "products" of broken relationships, some very nasty.
A couple of the parents went on to "live in" with new "partners" ad hoc while maintaining separate properties and just doing stay-overs, and continue that way perfectly happy.
If either of you feel you need to prove something (in the far future) by going through the ancient process of marriage, I'd say at least one of you has learned nothing.
Enjoy while you can, but stay independent as well.
This is pretty much what we are after. We both have our own social circles and interests apart from the mutual stuff, and neither of us has a problem being clingy and preventing the other from going off and doing our own thing.
This also makes for much better time together when you have more stories and anecdotes to talk about.
We had effectively been 'dating' for the past 18 month without the awkwardness of it being dates, just hanging out as friends...just a lot more than we did with our regular friends.
The amount of time we spent together meant we were both sure neither of us were closet mentalists.
I, in particular, was very keen to ensure this was the case!
Still, it's early days and we've only been closer since July, but it was just the right direction to go for both of us.
 
#73
This is pretty much what we are after. We both have our own social circles and interests apart from the mutual stuff, and neither of us has a problem being clingy and preventing the other from going off and doing our own thing.
This also makes for much better time together when you have more stories and anecdotes to talk about.
We had effectively been 'dating' for the past 18 month without the awkwardness of it being dates, just hanging out as friends...just a lot more than we did with our regular friends.
The amount of time we spent together meant we were both sure neither of us were closet mentalists.
I, in particular, was very keen to ensure this was the case!
Still, it's early days and we've only been closer since July, but it was just the right direction to go for both of us.
All I can say is that I sincerely wish you both well for the future. I've always said to my lad ( single still) that relationships can be like bank acounts. You can only withdraw benefits from investments.
But, you and I are experienced adults..we know this..
 
#77
All I can say is if you do find "the one" carry out a full scope due dilligence.

Listen to your true friends. And in particular their wives and female companions.
Currently got a mate sofa surfing who was categorically told by all his mates that the woman he was ******* was a psychopath......4 years later he’s a broken ******* man and I have a messy temporary lodger cluttering my gaff up

My best mate of 30+ years was similarly warned by all,that his fiancé was a wrong un. 2 years later and half his life’s property and cash gone. Not even a kid involved, daddies lawyers fleeced him
 
#78
Find a woman who hates children and is incapable of giving birth, to reduce the risk you'll get lumbered with children and the risk of an expensive divorce further down the line

You'll probably have to put up with lots of pets as a child substitute, but in the long run your bank balance will be healthier
But your house will stink.

Swings & roundabouts.
 
#79
What is this 'divorce' of which you speak? Do you not have a patio?

Seriously though, you need to learn to live with yourself. If you can't do that and require someone around to validate your existence you're pretty much fucked.
WORD.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#80
Moved back to Wales, within a week I bumped into a girl I dated in school.

We've just had our 13th wedding anniversary.
Sisters are great, eh ?
 

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