Finding 'The One' after divorce

#41
I'm a lot happier now and being able to to sit down in a pub and talk for six hours (+ toilet breaks!) comfortably about a whole raft of subjects with lots of humour injected with her really does make me wonder why we made the decisions we did with our earlier partners.
It might seem like that now, but from experience, it won't last no matter how much you want it to or how much effort you make. You'll come home from work one day and she'll blindside you.

There's no such person as 'The One'. I used to think there was, but nope. Be very careful about how much you commit because some people are skilful manipulators who hide their true intentions. Be cautious, protect your happiness and keep your independence.
 
#43
OP.
You can live alone perfectly well without the experience of being lonely.
I got lucky. SWMBO & I are fine after 44 years.
We are rare example.
As my son observed, all without exception of his school mates through both primary & secondary schooling were "products" of broken relationships, some very nasty.
A couple of the parents went on to "live in" ad hoc while maintaining separate properties and just doing stay-overs, and continue that way perfectly happy.
If either of you feel you need to prove something (in the far future) by going through the ancient process of marriage, I'd say at least one of you has learned nothing.
Enjoy while you can, but stay independent as well.
This. Very much so.
 
#46
Find a woman who hates children and is incapable of giving birth, to reduce the risk you'll get lumbered with children and the risk of an expensive divorce further down the line

You'll probably have to put up with lots of pets as a child substitute, but in the long run your bank balance will be healthier
 
#47
It might seem like that now, but from experience, it won't last no matter how much you want it to or how much effort you make. You'll come home from work one day and she'll blindside you.

There's no such person as 'The One'. I used to think there was, but nope. Be very careful about how much you commit because some people are skilful manipulators who hide their true intentions. Be cautious, protect your happiness and keep your independence.
If it wasn't for the fact I've known her for over 20 years I would be thinking that, never seen her lose it or heard anyone with anything less than a good word to say about her.
She's a farmers daughter and pretty much unflappable.
 
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#48
If it wasn't for the fact I've known her for over 20 years I would be thinking that, never seen her loose it or heard anyone with anything less than a good word to say about her.
She's a farmers daughter and pretty much unflappable.
You seem to have made up your mind already so good luck. ;-)
 
#49
All I can say is if you do find "the one" carry out a full scope due dilligence.

Listen to your true friends. And in particular their wives and female companions.
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#50
Took me a while to learn this but...

Instead of being with someone who makes you happy, you simply have to BE that someone who makes you happy.

If you're lucky enough to find someone who enhances that then great. In the meantime enjoy the safest sex in the world and doing $hit you wanna do, when you wanna do it.

Here's food for thought though...

If you can love the "wrong one" as much as you once did, imagine how much you can love the right one?


Enough soppy shite. I'm off for a beer.

And a w@nk.
 
#51
I'm 59, she's 34, and the fact that she is utterly uninterested in having children or pets and is not materialistic certainly does free up our relationship - that and her fantastic pair of tits.
 
#52
Took me a while to learn this but...

Instead of being with someone who makes you happy, you simply have to BE that someone who makes you happy.

If you're lucky enough to find someone who enhances that then great. In the meantime enjoy the safest sex in the world and doing $hit you wanna do, when you wanna do it.

Here's food for thought though...

If you can love the "wrong one" as much as you once did, imagine how much you can love the right one?


Enough soppy shite. I'm off for a beer.

And a w@nk.
Mrs Proops, is that you??

The tales of your demise would appear to have been somewhat exaggerated for the past 20 years.

8O
 
#53
If it wasn't for the fact I've known her for over 20 years I would be thinking that, never seen her loose it or heard anyone with anything less than a good word to say about her.
She's a farmers daughter and pretty much unflappable.
Sounds good for you.
Only be absolutely sure you want her for the right reasons not just to heal 'your' wounds. If you are thinking what's good for 'her' not what she does for you then you love her.
 
#54
Was a confirmed singly (never made the same mistake even once) then things fell into place at the age of 36. Ideal woman (low expectations and no sense of smell) and we have very little in common apart from doing the best for our kids, who have turned out OK. We still have loads to talk about and agree to disagree about most external things. A wise man said 'we are all waiting fort the right one to come along, but most of us get married in the meantime'. Keep saying 'yes dear' and roll with the petty stuff. Hope have as much contentment as me.
 
#55
Pretty much this although mild and undiagnosed. Constantly treading on eggshells and pretty much any conversation becoming an argument in about 20 mins, random behaviour and finding yourself being alienated from family and freinds.

I'm a lot happier now and being able to to sit down in a pub and talk for six hours (+ toilet breaks!) comfortably about a whole raft of subjects with lots of humour injected with her really does make me wonder why we made the decisions we did with our earlier partners.
My experience too sadly. Seems to be surprisingly common, albeit to varying degrees. I think that the official term for it is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Not to say there aren't some men with it, but just seems to be more prevalent with females. From experience:

- are very warm and loving initially, but one day they flip like a light switch and from then on constantly
- when in that state, can never, ever admit anyone is at fault but you
- pick at and patronise constantly, but always claiming it's because they care
- get you in a position where you never act without clearing with them first - otherwise automatic fail
- try to keep you away from friends, family and anyone they fear may have a negative opinion of them
- often have an unhealthy compulsion when 'in the grip"; drinking, spending, flirting etc
- hate having to openly express their needs - you need to guess and getting it wrong - automatic fail
- cannot have a rational conversation about life's practicalities - they either evade or become emotional
- If you argue back, even defensively, they instantly turn victim and demonise you even more

Very often, it is the most superficially attractive people who have it worst. Ironically, with my ex, once the relationship ended, it was like she snapped out of a coma and we were able to work through the divorce practically, calmly and amicably.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
#56
Two pearls of wisdom - don't settle for someone you can live with, only settle for the one you can't live without.

Also, it's s not important to be the first, it's important to be the last!

PS. Which soppy date mentioned "love at first sight"?. FFS how can you "love" someone you know nothing about? Real love endures after lust has gone.

There's a lot to be said for the way our parents and grandparents did it. Sure there were probably a few trapped in unhappy situations but, by and large, people stuck together because they hadn't "tried out" all and sundry before committing themselves. Having nobody else to make comparisons with, they learned about sex, love, compromise together.
 
#57
I was now 57 and had just began to think that I would stay single (and hassle-free and master of my own income) for the rest of this particular incarnation, when I met a woman on a language learning exchange web site. At the end of our first Skype meeting the timer showed it had lasted two and a half hours. The rest is history, so to speak.

Life gobsmacked me on this occasion. Having been fairly cynical about relationships I am firmly back in the pro-relationships camp.

Bottom line - be yourself, be true to yourself and be without preconceptions.

Hope this helps. Best of luck.
Is she ex-IDF? ;)
 

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