Filled in a Walt

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ham-shank, Sep 1, 2009.

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  1. Got into a bit of a tussle with a Walt yesterday.The youngest boy took his birthday money into town and came back with something called a 'HM Forces Action Figure'. He was proudly showing me it when I jumped up, 'gripped' it, gave it a good 'shoeing' and fukced it out the kitchen window.

    I'm not normally an agressive or violent person but if there's one thing that grips my sh!t, it's a fake. There it was standing there in crappy Desert Pattern kit, a fake RRP radio, admin in sh!t state, plastic hair, eyes that don't move 'Eagle-Eye' stylee, weapon in rag order, boots that wouldn't last 5 minutes in the 'Stan and a hand grip gayer than Quentin Crisp.

    It was obvious to me that this thing was an 'Action Man' Walt. The boy was tearful but after I explained that 'HM Forces Action Figure' wasn't the real deal and that he should have a No.2 length fuzzy haircut, an iron grip, tatoos and a little button at the back of his head that moved his eyes, he perked up and set fire to him in next door's wheelie bin.

    The hustlers at the MOD and the Crown Copyright Office have a lot to answer for. What next? Barbie in QARANC uniform without pubic hair you could hide a small terrier in, without the traditional lopsided t!ts, without an arrse you could rent out as a bouncy castle?

    If Brown and his lackeys at the MOD are going to stoop so low as to send Walts into theatre, I can do nothing except weep.
  2. Could you not have given him one of your Barbie dolls? A much more PC option,surely?
  3. are you Chinooksdad ?
  4. No. I've a long way to go before I am as Internet-Hard as Chinooksdad.
  5. Mine had a Denison smock, maroon beret, SLR with a sawn-off barrel AND extra scars too. Top that!
    Finally succumbed to a napalm strike by my brother (splash of kerosene - b#stard!).
  6. Dolls that can't adopt the 'DS hand' direction pointer need not apply.
  7. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    He's chinooksgrandad, which might explain a few things...
  8. Those were the days when Action Men were real Action Men
  9. :D

    and they can get away from the idea of that lurid pink car as well!
  10. Action Man(delson)

    Attached Files:

  11. I know the fuckin piece of shit ya talking about, my mate photographed the one in dessies, posted it on facebook & tagged me, the Cnut! Much hilarity ensued . . . Not!

    TOP TIP: if ya buy a few of em & stitch the body armour together, much better than the issued one.
  12. Should of stuck it in a orange jump suit and cut it's head off.
  13. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Yeah, we've all been there. My kids went to Scotland on summer camp and told me they had been rescued by a Spitfire, a small dog and two magpies.


    Bah. The modern world. It makes me sick.
  14. Come on Codbut, you're walting your Action Man now- it was a snapped off barrel, ours were all the same.
  15. My Action Men were nails.

    Got into a right dodgy firefight back in 74 with a tooled up RA ASU. Give it some with the gimpy, slr, pistol then fecked off out of it in a Scorpion tank. Must have slotted a few of them as there were blood trails back through the garden hedge into next doors cauliflower patch - otherwise known as the republic. Attemped selection a few hours later and after much tabbing up and down the back stairs were awarded the coveted beret. Started out on patrol skills, one became a rover driver (it looked like a jeep but he was therefore known as mobility troop), one went air troop and the other boat troop.

    These lads were all first on the balcony, or mams kitchen window which the subsequently kicked in (still paying for the damage now, stopped at source) before rescuing 35 leggo men and women from barbies penthouse.

    It all kicked off one day dawn sarf where it was really cold (bak yard in November) and two of the lads were sent in whilst the other was prepared for a spec op on the argy mainland (shed roof) he bottled it and was RTU'd though. W*nker.

    Off to the Gulf (seaside) next and the lads were in action again, ripping round the place, blowing things up before leaving the regiment to write personal accounts, making loads of dosh and living a happy life on the circuit (BG for Cindy)

    One of them didnt beat the clock due to an incident with a tub of vaseline, Dyson hoover and 2lb of tripe. He now resides in the patch.

    The other presents a Sky channel programme called "Britains Hardest Action Man".

    Fcuk Im bored. Anyone elses Action Man this hard?