Got into a bit of a tussle with a Walt yesterday.The youngest boy took his birthday money into town and came back with something called a 'HM Forces Action Figure'. He was proudly showing me it when I jumped up, 'gripped' it, gave it a good 'shoeing' and fukced it out the kitchen window. I'm not normally an agressive or violent person but if there's one thing that grips my sh!t, it's a fake. There it was standing there in crappy Desert Pattern kit, a fake RRP radio, admin in sh!t state, plastic hair, eyes that don't move 'Eagle-Eye' stylee, weapon in rag order, boots that wouldn't last 5 minutes in the 'Stan and a hand grip gayer than Quentin Crisp. It was obvious to me that this thing was an 'Action Man' Walt. The boy was tearful but after I explained that 'HM Forces Action Figure' wasn't the real deal and that he should have a No.2 length fuzzy haircut, an iron grip, tatoos and a little button at the back of his head that moved his eyes, he perked up and set fire to him in next door's wheelie bin. The hustlers at the MOD and the Crown Copyright Office have a lot to answer for. What next? Barbie in QARANC uniform without pubic hair you could hide a small terrier in, without the traditional lopsided t!ts, without an arrse you could rent out as a bouncy castle? If Brown and his lackeys at the MOD are going to stoop so low as to send Walts into theatre, I can do nothing except weep.