FFS

#1
News just in, I have just received this text msg from one of my little darlings (No duff).

***** been stuck over the toilet for the past 30mins and deosnt seem to be stopping any time soon! What do you want me to do??
I wasn't expecting this as I munched on my cornflakes so I would appreciate your input for a suitable reply.
 
#2
Staff been stuck over the toilet for the past 30mins and deosnt seem to be stopping any time soon! What do you want me to do??
:? Some bizarre sex game gone wrong?




Text back:

"I want pictures!!"
 

Fugly

ADC
DirtyBAT
#4
Tell him you don't believe him, and unless he brings the contents of the toilet bowl in to work in a plastic bag you'll put him in front of the OC.
 
#5
Squeeze harder?
 
#7
Don't! I repeat, DON'T! try to stem the flow with the toilet brush.
 
#8
VerticalGiro may remember this........

Back in the day at SEE we all had to wear ronhills, and our "BE" T shirt for BFTs.

One morning we're all running our little hearts out trying to get a good time when one of the lads suddenly exists stage left and into the lines.

Cfn Ring (aptly named) was later asked why he didn't complete the BFT.

"I had the runs Sgt, and shat myself half way round"

I can concur, as I was just behind him as the dark patch moved down the back of his ronhills at an alarming rate. Dirty cnut.
 
#9
smudge67 said:
VerticalGiro may remember this........

Back in the day at SEE we all had to wear ronhills, and our "BE" T shirt for BFTs.
Ah, SEE. With Stan's dad sat outside the Silver Horse serving the best burgers in Berks (sauce an onions, mate?).

Spaz - I'm guessing he's off the pan now, seeing as it's been half hour since you posted that, and he'd been on there half hour at the time. Sounds like a 'long weekend blag' to me. Are you the sympathetic 'duty of care' type? If so, he may be hoping you text him back telling him to go to the MRS for extra sympathy and a bedding down with a little credability gained from texting his tiff. Of course, he hasn't mentioned the 8 pints of Aunty, 8 vodka shots and greasy undercooked chicken shish he downed last night.
 

terroratthepicnic

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#11
Text back to say he has a block inspection in 10 minutes. The CO and RSM will be doing the inspection and his room is to be spotless. Then arrive 10 minutes late to see him sweating and trying not to shit himself.
 
#12
JesterRIP said:
smudge67 said:
VerticalGiro may remember this........

Back in the day at SEE we all had to wear ronhills, and our "BE" T shirt for BFTs.
Ah, SEE. With Stan's dad sat outside the Silver Horse serving the best burgers in Berks (sauce an onions, mate?).
.
Christ........I'd forgot about that! Best burgers?? Only when preceded by a minimum 10 pints of John Smiths smooth from the fat, spotty, rollypolly behind the bar.
 
#13
verticalgyro said:
smudge67 said:
VerticalGiro may remember this........

Back in the day at SEE we all had to wear ronhills, and our "BE" T shirt for BFTs.

One morning we're all running our little hearts out trying to get a good time when one of the lads suddenly exists stage left and into the lines.

Cfn Ring (aptly named) was later asked why he didn't complete the BFT.

"I had the runs Sgt, and shat myself half way round"

I can concur, as I was just behind him as the dark patch moved down the back of his ronhills at an alarming rate. Dirty cnut.
I remember it well, the dirty filthy bastard was walking past the Clothing Store at the back of Sandhurst Block shaking his head whilst a PTI was shouting at him to get him running again.

Wasn't it Griff the grey haired airborne warrior from the Training Wing who was taking the piss about it being a "Best Effort, isn't it, just ask Cfn Ring, he runs so hard he shits himself" every time we did the BFT for the next year or so.

Which begs the question, why did we seem to run a BFT every month? Were the PTIs really that lazy to organise proper PT lessons????
That's exactly where it was, just past the "launderette"

Good old Griff, the oldest looking man in NATO, and his faithful DS sidekick Staff Duffy.

I'm going with lazy PTIs with a lack of imagination.
 
#14
JesterRIP said:
Spaz - I'm guessing he's off the pan now, seeing as it's been half hour since you posted that, and he'd been on there half hour at the time. Sounds like a 'long weekend blag' to me. Are you the sympathetic 'duty of care' type? If so, he may be hoping you text him back telling him to go to the MRS for extra sympathy and a bedding down with a little credability gained from texting his tiff. Of course, he hasn't mentioned the 8 pints of Aunty, 8 vodka shots and greasy undercooked chicken shish he downed last night.
Yeah he's off the pan and in the Med Centre getting issued a cork. He's not going anywhere early as he failed to provide me with a suitably impressive poo-face.
 
#16
JesterRIP said:
Ah, SEE. With Stan's dad sat outside the Silver Horse serving the best burgers in Berks (sauce an onions, mate?).
You have got to be joking, right?

I got up one Monday morning on my Upgraders, still severely hungover from the Saturday. Went for a shower, and puked in the shower. it looked like the lining of my stomach had come away, it was all bloody, with lumps of flesh/meat. It took until the Wednesday for me to be sober enough to remember that I had eaten 2 of those burgers after staggering back from the Brahms. Fuck, I was ill.

Back in the days when binge drinking was a normal night out.
 
#17
ringdoby said:
JesterRIP said:
Ah, SEE. With Stan's dad sat outside the Silver Horse serving the best burgers in Berks (sauce an onions, mate?).
Back in the days when binge drinking was a normal night out.
It still is...homo
 
#18
spaz said:
News just in, I have just received this text msg from one of my little darlings (No duff).

***** been stuck over the toilet for the past 30mins and deosnt seem to be stopping any time soon! What do you want me to do??
I wasn't expecting this as I munched on my cornflakes so I would appreciate your input for a suitable reply.
my reply would be....

Tampon, for the use of.
 
#19
smudge67 said:
Christ........I'd forgot about that! Best burgers?? Only when preceded by a minimum 10 pints of John Smiths smooth from the fat, spotty, rollypolly behind the bar.
Clearly you were made for those those burgers.

Nobody who is prepared to sully their palate with that nitrogen-adulterated shoite deserves to have good food pass their lips ever again. :D
 
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