Have you tried the British Legion?
No Crap haircut and marching really slow whilst singing songs about continually getting slaughtered in third world countries
Plus you can get a pie and a pint on a dinner time
At least you'd have a job .... one with advantages and drawbacks.
Metropolitan France postings mean you are always near decent women [Nice etc.,]
You could be lucky and get posted to French Polynesia.
You get wine with your dinner.
You get [if you complete your contract] a French passport.
The pay outside of France is OK.
You learn another language.
If you get injured or wounded one of the good MILITARY hospitals will give you first class treatment in a timely fashion.
You could be posted to Kourou followed by Chad followed by Djibouti