Female Officer Needs Companionship

One of the HQ staff in my unit has given me the problem of finding her a boyfriend for Christmas. Like unwanted pets at this time of year she is after more than just Christmas but probably not a comitment that results in life.

I am normally good as sorting most problems thrown my way, so much so that I offered my own services to sort out this conundrum but being within the same chain of command it is a non starter (i can do without the headlines in the gutter press).

She has been unlucky in her personal choices of company over the last couple of years and deserves more than a lonely festive period. She is a lovely person and would be grateful for any genuine offers.

I cannot for opsec reasons provide a photo, but if you are in the Germany region, I could direct you to where you could hang out in order to get a glimpse of her, without it resulting in it appearing as stalking
Is she prepared to pay for the services of a discreet, urbane, polished professional?
Nothing up front you understand, I'm not that crass, but if she's prepared to sign over 50% of her inheritance, I'm happy to play the long game.
As I said she is in my CoC, so me getting involved would not be a great career move, that said anything for a better CR is worth considering.

She is definitely no munter and would be an assett on any blokes arm at a christmas ball.

She has endless small talk and even knows what all the cutlery is for on the table. You might even learn something from her.
Are both of her parents still alive, and what health issues, if any, do they have?
I'm prepared to adjust my fee downwards by 5% if there is a history of coronary heart disease in the family.
The deal stands at one weekend of "amor" each month for the next twenty years, in exchange for 45-50% of her inheritance.
Its a good deal, far more competitive than Richard Gere, and not a hamster in sight.
What about a guestemate for the dress size, 12 and under and I could be in, 14 + and my fee rises due to the added cost of the extra beer needed to be taken on board.

Does your female 'friend' know you have asked for the help of ARRSE


A strange lot indeed as you can tell just by the Moderators Portraits above so what are the rest of us like?!...


poor girl..! if any of my male friends advertised for a boyfriend for me on a website i would kill them!!

kill them dead i tell you.

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