Fek me Im fried...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BanjoBill, May 14, 2008.

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  1. Warning :!:

    I'm off to the South of France next week for the Monaco Grand Prix and the Canne Film Fest. Due to the long hours sitting in front of a complicator I was rather pale, so.. not wanting to stand out in the crowd, I thought I'll book a few session at the tanning studio. Now it's a long long time since I used a sunbed and in the past it could take an hour to raise any kind of colour. These new vertical jobbies are much more powerful. I did 3 mins on Tues and 9 mins today. Now I'm sat here the colour of a freshly cooked lobster. Still it beats the time I used that instant tanning cream and ended up looking like that bloke from the Tango advert.
  2. I sure you will fit in and wont look like a Brit tourist. Dont forget your hanky to strap to your head, and oh, white socks are a must with sandels these days :)

    Edited for mong typing
  3. Listen very carefully - I shall say this only wonce... I shall fit in and be completely inconspicuous due to a cunning disguise:

  4. is it , was it, no it's

    Attached Files:

  5. And don't forget the phrase,"Cheese eating surrender monkeys"
    Use this as much as possible,during every conversation.The Frogs have a wonderful sense of humour,and will welcome you as a true friend.
  6. I say... thank you for the tips and graphics chaps. I may take with me the new national French flag..... The white cross on a white background.

    Now if you want to see something really funny - check out the lyrics/words: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K1q9Ntcr5g
  7. Don't forget to mention in a very slow but loud voice that:

    1. We dug them out of two World Wars.

    2. Their cheeses and cigarettes stink.

    3. They stink.

    4. The only good things to come out of France are their wine, their chefs and their tarts.

    Oh and studiously avoid speaking ANY French at all - when ordering in a restaurant anglicise the menu e.g les saucissons - bangers.

    Enjoy :twisted:
  8. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    RM. You forgot that their toilets stick. Actualy this is a genuine one. I once located the toilets in the French Hyper Marche purely by olafactory methods. If a turtles head had not been touching cloth I would have said "No fecking way." But when you got to go you GOT TO GO.
  9. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Do you have a secret recipie for quiche and opinions on soft furnishings?
  10. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Dunno when you were last there, but Monaco has turned into a stinking concrete jungle populated by people who make the French seem polite. And the rest of the coast down to Monte Carlo has been taken over by Russians. We booked a table at the Negresco a couple of years back and booled up at 8.00 Saturday night to be told our table had been taken by Russians. "Do WHAT?" I cry...

    "Mesure, je suis devaste, mais zey are Russiam. Vous may remonstrate, but their bodyguards are at ze bar and zey are armed". Over-blinged tossers.
  11. The only good thing to come out of France is the ferry back to England