Feeling Empty

Yokel

LE
Without going into details I have had a miserable couple of years, and it has left me with a sense of being empty. My assumptions about relationships and things in the past, even back to school days, might well have been totally wrong.I have been the subject of malicious rumours that people have believed. I have been excluded from my social group.

I just have a gnawing sense of emptiness - I could have achieved a lot with just a little bit of support, but it has never been there. What can I do to try to give life some meaning
 
Without going into details I have had a miserable couple of years, and it has left me with a sense of being empty. My assumptions about relationships and things in the past, even back to school days, might well have been totally wrong.I have been the subject of malicious rumours that people have believed. I have been excluded from my social group.
I just have a gnawing sense of emptiness - I could have achieved a lot with just a little bit of support, but it has never been there. What can I do to try to give life some meaning
It's a powerful moment when you're able to face things within yourself and admit them, to the point of sharing here with your muckers, rather than deny to yourself or others you have issues to deal with. From that aspect, things can start improving, although the road may be rocky.
Concurrently with facing into your feelings and issues, you have to make a determined effort to look at the whole picture, or both halves of the glass, since our tendency when things look/feel bad is to sink further into it.
I'm 60, I don't know your age, but as I've grown older the question of meaning in life is about as challenging as life itself.
What do you want?
 

Yokel

LE
Consider getting tested for depression.
I have been there - had CBT and antidepressants but I am over the worst. This is more a long term feeling.

It's a powerful moment when you're able to face things within yourself and admit them, to the point of sharing here with your muckers, rather than deny to yourself or others you have issues to deal with. From that aspect, things can start improving, although the road may be rocky.
Concurrently with facing into your feelings and issues, you have to make a determined effort to look at the whole picture, or both halves of the glass, since our tendency when things look/feel bad is to sink further into it.
I'm 60, I don't know your age, but as I've grown older the question of meaning in life is about as challenging as life itself.
What do you want?
In a word - acceptance. I have a (mild if understood) disability than makes social interaction harder, as I am clumsy. This is all assessed and explained, but even showing people clinical reports does not stop people jumping to conclusions. I have also been the subject of malicious rumours.

On a personal level - I am trying to get private Physiotherapy for my Stroke disabled Mother. I look after her funds for her, but she wants to keep them for a mobility scooter, but she needs to progress for that to be feasible. She insists the Attendence Allowance should pay for that. My father is her main carerr, but at the moment it is hard to get him to talk about anything other than BREXIT.

I also get the sense that because I was no good at sport etc at school (was recovering from a severe brain injury) I have always been seen as a defective version of my brother. He might have run a few marathons and the UTMB, but I got a degree and have done degree level work.
 
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endure

GCM
I know it might sound a bit facile but have you thought about getting a dog? They're big on acceptance and the need to look after one will take your mind off your own worries for a while.
 
What can I do to try to give life some meaning
Join something that's bigger than yourself; like a charity helping the homeless. Or something.

Wor Lass does 'befriending' where she visits elderly people who're lonely and has a cup of tea with them; or she takes them to the garden centre and they womble about and have tea and cake. She doesn't even like tea.

I try and help alkies get and stay sober. Most don't, but it's very rewarding seeing the ones who do get their lives back together, get happy, and crack on with life.

If your sole aim in life is to make yourself happy, you'll end up miserable.

Fvck knows who makes the rules?
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Yokel, I hope this doesn't sound callous, but if your dad is the main carer for your mother (I assume by that he is physically capable) then you need to distance yourself however hard that may be. You are an adult and are entitled to live your own life and do as you please so long as it doesn't harm others.

Presumably you must have some interests if only solitary ones (no sniggering at the back...). If you can log your difficulties on here, then surely you can join other sites to discuss subjects which interest you?

Also, you may just not be a natural "team player". Many are not, no need to medicalise it. There's plenty you can do to get out and about without having to socialise if you don't feel like it. Just a few that spring to mind - studying and photographing nature, Nordic walking (or any walking), gardening and planting, any form of musical activity, getting a dog (may not be feasible but other animals are available...)

Above all, live YOUR life, not your parents'.
 

Yokel

LE
I know it might sound a bit facile but have you thought about getting a dog? They're big on acceptance and the need to look after one will take your mind off your own worries for a while.

I have cats and pond fish for that - my problem is recent experiences have made me question if I have ever had a friend or been accepted.

Join something that's bigger than yourself; like a charity helping the homeless. Or something.

Wor Lass does 'befriending' where she visits elderly people who're lonely and has a cup of tea with them; or she takes them to the garden centre and they womble about and have tea and cake. She doesn't even like tea.

I try and help alkies get and stay sober. Most don't, but it's very rewarding seeing the ones who do get their lives back together, get happy, and crack on with life.

If your sole aim in life is to make yourself happy, you'll end up miserable.

Fvck knows who makes the rules?
I have been like Victor Meldrew since my teens! Happiness means having meaning, which in my case means being useful and a positive influence on others.
 
I know it can be difficult but if you can go for a walk in the park or countryside and really look about and absorb the colours, smells and sounds of nature or go down to the seaside and watch and listen to the waves
 
I have very good friend who I think is in the same space as you. His wife of 30 years died suddenly early this year. I am working on how to suggest to him what I suggest to you. Don't fill the gap but find a new gap to fill. Is there something you always wanted to do, go to or see? Did you have something in your youth that you really wanted to do but didn't for whatever reason. It might be something as basic as taking up golf ('cos your grandad played lots but died before he could teach you), seeing 'City' play at home or learning Italian 'cos Auntie Gladys copped off with an Eytie in '44 and wished she'd gone to Tuscany. Travel, do something daft (but FFS don't get a motorbike, you'll kill yourself). Yes it sounds like you are depressed, I've been there and there is life on the other side. Go for it (whatever the 'it' is) and you'll be fine.

Good luck and let us all here know how you get on.
 

Yokel

LE
A motorbike has never appealed! My problems is that I do not have a list of things to do. more a wish for a successful career and a desperate desire to have a genuine connection with people. Much of my current state of mind comes down to the fact that my reputation was deliberately destroyed (work/social group) by a 'superior' who was covering up his failings that led to a complaints process.

I won, but because of the rumours (and other management types knew the truth but did not want to upset the applecart) I am persona non grata.
 

Blogg

LE
A motorbike has never appealed! My problems is that I do not have a list of things to do. more a wish for a successful career and a desperate desire to have a genuine connection with people. Much of my current state of mind comes down to the fact that my reputation was deliberately destroyed (work/social group) by a 'superior' who was covering up his failings that led to a complaints process.

I won, but because of the rumours (and other management types knew the truth but did not want to upset the applecart) I am persona non grata.
That sounds familiar.

I found only way out was to break the cycle: change of job, took up new activities and a healthy dose of don't give a fcukery about what others with only work/social links thought.

Really came down to approaching life on own terms and accepting that yes, this is all there is.
 

windswept398

Old-Salt
I've been there very recently. Due to a serious threat on my health, I realised my friends aren't who I thought they were*.
So,
1. I deleted Facebook. Never really liked the platform but realised it's for voyuerists more than friends.
2. Upped my fitness training.
3. Took up a technical hobby (work that mental 'muscle' too)
4 Improved my diet**
5. Take time to be on my own. I'm naturally introverted, so this is good for me.

so far, it's working a treat.

*Life is cruel but better you know.
** Been reading alot of positive stuff about your gut health being linked to your mental health. Put some healthy fuel in you.
 
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1. I deleted Facebook. Never really liked the platform but realised it's for voyuerists more than friends.
The only reason I haven't deleted FB is because I have been one of the earliest users ('04) and the fact that I manage to get rooms and deals through it....and keep in touch once in a while with family. I rarely log in though.
 
Wor Lass also helps out at the local Couch to 5k (as well as the befriending). After her last bout of depression she decided to do some things differently and volunteering for stuff was one of them things.

Do keep in mind that Wor Lass is hard as nails - really hard - and has just ran a 185 mile ultra marathon (non-stop) where half of the runners didn't even finish. She trained through her depression too; just her, lots of miles and all her negative thoughts. Sometimes I'd worry that she'd jump off the Severn Bridge while she was out running. Serious.

Anyway, she got better and decided to do some volunteering.

She came home this evening from the Couch to 5k course. She said she plodded around at the back with a pretty-faced-woman, but who was obese. At the end of the class Wor Lass praised her and the obese woman started crying. Her husband had left her six weeks ago.

So they had a chat.

I'm sure Wor Lass returned home feeling like a better human being than what she felt when she left.
 
A motorbike has never appealed! My problems is that I do not have a list of things to do. more a wish for a successful career and a desperate desire to have a genuine connection with people. Much of my current state of mind comes down to the fact that my reputation was deliberately destroyed (work/social group) by a 'superior' who was covering up his failings that led to a complaints process.

I won, but because of the rumours (and other management types knew the truth but did not want to upset the applecart) I am persona non grata.
From childhood I felt I had problems about being accepted. I am not sure how much of this was due to me and how much was to do with others but in my late 40's I eventually did find myself working with a great bunch of people and feeling very accepted. The interesting thing is, that even though it felt great, I also felt very clearly aware that it didn't actually mean that much. I also realised that being accepted by others was also reflection of the way I had accepted myself and developed a certain sense of autonomy and self confidence.
Reading between the lines of your response to my post in this thread, it seems as if your parents' attitude towards you, or the way you perceived their attitude, has a lot to do with the way you feel about yourself. The bottom line is that you are master of your own vessel.

I can really empathize with not knowing what you want to do! The important thing is to keep yourself open minded (you may not always be aware of closed-minded tendencies you have). You don't have to decide what you want to do, just keep the subject open for consideration.

I found another interesting route to interracting with people on a personal level - something you could start right now even. I registered on a language exchange site, where you can teach / facilitate practice to people from all over the globe that want to learn/improve their proficiency in your mother tongue (English?). Likewise, you can choose any language / culture / country that you want to learn about and approach people. The site is called Mylanguageexchange.com.
 
My assumptions about relationships and things in the past, even back to school days, might well have been totally wrong.
I'd say that there are very few who don't have at least a touch of that at some point.
 
Without going into details I have had a miserable couple of years, and it has left me with a sense of being empty. My assumptions about relationships and things in the past, even back to school days, might well have been totally wrong.I have been the subject of malicious rumours that people have believed. I have been excluded from my social group.

I just have a gnawing sense of emptiness - I could have achieved a lot with just a little bit of support, but it has never been there. What can I do to try to give life some meaning

Honest answer, move on. Change your circumstances.

Pick up your kit, move off somewhere else and start afresh. its not as hard as it seems (I've done it, so have many others)
its your choice where you go with life, if where you are, mentally, geographically, whatever isn't working then upsticks and start again.

Worst case is that it takes a few months to improve but you leave the shite and baggage behind.
 

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