Fecking annoying noise....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ozduke, May 8, 2007.

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  1. There's a tap, tap bloody tapping noise coming from the Air Conditioning vent above my desk. It's driving me wild - how can I stop it? It's to hot to go outside......
  2. Sounds like a complicated job - better get the extra big feck off hammer!!! :twisted:
  3. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Swap places with me. It's bloody freezing here.
  4. Find the rough area from which the noise is being emmited then give it a tweak with a 4lb variable pressure applicator. If that fails use the longer handled kinetic energy modifier
  5. I will swap places with you. It may drown out the voices in my head............
  6. Is it more annoying than Jeremy Vine's voice on the radio at the moment?
  7. Easy.

    Procure a recording of Tiny Dancers' Hannah We Know.

    That bloody insistent tune will overwhelm any other noises - dammit!
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    You need to call in the right people for the job. It's not something you can do yourself.

    Firstly, call the helpdesk. They will, in turn raise the job on the computer. This will be emailed to the desk of the facilities management department in your building. She will then email the works department who will raise the job on their systems. They will then call the facilities manager to arrange a time and date. In the meantime, the FM will raise a works order and financial costings request which will go to the FM head office. Somebody in accounts will approve the job and pass it back to the on-site FM. When the on-site FM has the job raised and the financial approval given, she will agree to the appointed time for the engineer to visit. When the engineer arrives on-site, the receptionist will call the FM who will come down and greet the engineer before issuing him a pass and taking him upstairs. She will then fill out the working at heights and permit to work and he will fill out a risk assessment form.

    Once all this is in place, the engineer will visit the area of contention and remove said people in the vicinity of the aircon before deciding it's an out of hours job.

    Start again at the beginning, but add a further process to get the electrician in to turn off the power after liaising with the IT team who may not wish to lose their servers whilst the power is down. An auxiliary power supply may need to be arranged, subject to raising of further jobs and the requisite financial and HSE approval.

    The FM will then attend out of hours to issue the passes once again and get the forms filled out.

    Once this is completed, the power will be safely switched off.

    The engineer will then apply the 4lb systems modification unit, perhaps more than once before getting the sparky to turn it back on again.

    The FM, the engineer and the sparky will all agree that the job took most of the night as it was quite complex and will then book the overtime to everyone's satisfaction.

    The pay clerks will then check the works forms, the financial approval before cross-checking the necessary hours booked for all three parties before paying said overtime.

    Your aircon should then be fixed. You may not notice because by this point you've probably been promoted or fired or your department has been moved to another building.

    Hope this helps.
  9. PE4 or Large hammer fixes everything.
  10. Take a loaded Browning 9mm, place the muzzle carefully in your right ear. Take care to align the barrel so the round will exit through your left ear, squeeze off the round.

    Presto silence!
  11. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Swap you your voices for mine. My voices keep telling me to do the bad things. Again.
  12. ...........and again............and again...........and again............
  13. I keep hearing an annoying ringing noise, which dissapears as soon as I lift the telephone handset up, and replace it. this is only a temporary fix as it starts again very soon after. The phone is plastic and if I apply a tool fine adjusting (4lb) I'm sure its going to turn the phone into a dangerously sharp jig-saw.
    Any help gratefully recieved
  14. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer