Features missed cos you didnt RTFM

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Airborne_Aircrew, Aug 11, 2007.

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  1. I'm sure this doesn't apply to all the girlies here so you can all sit back and giggle at us lads.

    Ok... The question is what tool, gadget or whatever did you own for a while before you found out you were using it wrong or it can do something else that is useful?

    I'll start with my best examples:-

    1. I bought a new, top of the line phone. All the bells and whistes... $300... and I was clever enough to refuse that overpriced insurance the fekkers try to sell you. Comes with this nifty belt clip that you just push the phone into and it's in. Push the little tab at the top and it jumps into your hand. I noticed this little design flaw though... When the phone was tapped quite gently on the bottom it came flying out of the clip. No probs... Just be careful. Well, I was cleaning my garden pond one day and the butt of the rake hit the bottom of the phone "quite gently". I got it out really quick but it was f$cked. I waltzed into the store expecting to get a new one for free due to the design flaw. The conversation went like this:

    Me: I'd like to return this phone and while I'm at it I'm going to demo the design flaw in it that made this necessary:

    Him: Go on...

    Me, (demonstrating how I clip it in and how a gentle tap can knock it out): There see that, a little tap like that and it falls right out... and it fell in my pond.

    Him: Errr... You're putting it in the wrong way around...

    Me: [Unintelligible] :oops:

    2. Have this cool multifunction table saw. It has additional mounts for a belt sander, drill press, router and jigsaw. I also have a nice 10" mitre saw which is great for cutting angles but only in wood 7" wide or less. Over the last two years I've done several projects where I have cut angles on wood wider than 7" using the miter saw and a lot of effort lining it up right. While flipping through the table saw manual looking for something else I found out that one of this little "fitting thingies" that I wasn't using because I thought it was for something else was for guiding long angle cuts against the gate!!! :roll:
  2. Who does RTFM's ?
    Only when it goes bang..
  3. RAF?
    This explains a lot! :lol:
  4. Oh dear f$cking me...

    You fekkers are so dumb you haven't Read The F*cking Manual????

    [align=center] :D :D :D :D :D [/align]
  5. Fcuking get your subnormal head down. You could talk a glass eye to sleep you carbon dioxide spreading skiplicker.
  6. RTFM..... Never.
  7. Of course not... That's why we own sh1t that can do things we want them to do but, since we didn't RTFM, we find out later by accident, a mate shows us or, worse yet the dragon RTFM's and show us... :oops:

    Ill fitting:

    Ahh... I know you... Ronald T Mensa... Known you for years... your nick is about right, intellectually you are... a lightweight...

    For your benefit I'll translate the long words... You're a dull cnut.
  8. Nice to see the mutually respectful flow if opinion in action
  9. 1. Unpack new gucci Hifi/PC/Telly/Lamp from IKEA.

    2. Throw away all extraneous sh1t, complete to CES including box, polystyrene packing and all information that might save you time, annoyance and hassle from the LHG.
  10. My first mobile phone of the digital era used to make random bleeping noises and yet I had not received a call.

    This was confusing, and then even worse, I noticed I had a flashing warning icon on my screen.

    I had no idea what the hell this was all about and I feared some major fault.

    I eventually gave it to a mate of mine who knew about these things to see what she could do about it.

    'Oh, its simple' she says, 'Your text message inbox is just full'

    'Text message?' says I.

    ‘WTF is a text message?’ :oops:
  11. The first page of the last manual I decided to study read thus ...


    I thought, fcuk it, the fcuking page isn't blank - it has those fcuking words on - it should've said "This page is intentionally left blank - bar of course this stupid fcucking explanation. We are a bunch of cnuts - please hoss this manual in the bin and just do a trial and error on your stuff like every other fcuker"
  12. Sorry mate, there's no such thing as a 'nifty belt clip' for a phone. Unless your pretending to be Batman just stick it in one of your pockets. I guarantee that when you pushed that button and the phone leapt in to your hand, every normal human being within visual distance was thinking one of two things, either -

    'Wow, that guy must be some sort of massively important mover or shaker in an unspecified industry. Milliseconds count for that fella when he wants to answer his moby'


    'Ha ha, what a fcuking goon'

  13. C0ck:

    As that seems to be your preferred name...

    You need to get out of the house more. Unfortunately, I have to explain to you that the world does not end when you go west from Ireland just like I have to explain to the Yanks that the world doesn't end at the right and left coast...

    They have Dick's here though too... and convoys... but the convoys here are big...
  14. He's right though :p

    I missed my girlfriends fanny cos I kept banging her shitbox. Felt a right plank!
  15. 'Nifty belt clip'

    You're one cool guy. I bet you wear a bunch of keys on your belt as well, and every now and again, point to them and say to a passer-by "That's responsibility that is!!"