Faye Turney.. Would you kiss and tell?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The_Cad, Apr 11, 2007.

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  1. Yes for £100'000.

  2. NO! NO! NO! Not for all the money in the world.

  3. I'm a mortarman and proud of doing her.

  1. Imagine the scene... Following an evening of alcohol fuelled debauchery you wake up with that oh so familiar thought of "What the f*ck was I drinking last night?"

    A body moves under the quilt, you have a vague recollection of scoring with Kylie in the wee small hours of the morning.

    Amazed at your own sexual prowess you pull back the quilt to expose the sex kitten you have trapped.

    You recoil in horror as you discover you have in fact inadvertently shagged Faye Turney..

    The question is... do you do a kiss and tell to the tabloids for a vast sum of money... or do you gnaw off your arm at the shoulder and make your escape?
  2. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Oh, that's an easy one. Actually, there are several choices, one of which is to make a swift call to Japanese embassy, to Naval attache, and notify location of said lady for whaling fleet to find. Then, claim finders fee. And, after that, then contact tabloids. Give them the full story, complete with any recordings you may have made ( what? Do you not all record every moment spent with a woman? Bugger, best way to avoid lawsuits and all awkward questions about consent). Recordings can then be backed up with photos taken on phone camera, or if time not a problem, a video cam. If she is still drunk and sprawled, then pics can be sold to 'Big Munters Monthly' or, 'Festering Fanny ' magazine.
    Loads of money to roll in.
  3. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    I'd pump her full of Rohypnol again, and put her on a plane BACK to Tehran.
  4. She pumped me full of Rohypnol, thats why i woke up with her, M Lud,
  5. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    It was the nearest I could get to shagging a celebrity
  6. If you ve done Faye you done this...

    Attached Files:

  7. more like an underslung load !!!!
  8. Just wondering if Fayes Husband is an ARRSER as 80% of all ARRSERS prefer the Lardy lass and at least 30% have got em as the worse half.
  9. He's more likely to be on rum-ration. Unless its the Matelot. I know he's a sick one but even thats to far, surely.
  10. Rumour has it you've done larger and less well known and gone back for seconds too...... :wink:
  11. I would and then use the money to book myself into the priory clinic to ensure I never drink again and therefore there will be no repeat of this, some money would also be used to pay for a hypnotheropist to remove the memory for life.
  12. I would use the money to hire a contract killer to ensure her silence.

    We must never speak of this again...
  13. I would, but the only way I can get my rocks off is if I tie the wench to a chair, beat her up a bit, tell her things she doesn't want to hear about her children, beat her up a bit more, and then get to it.

    The only problem is she'll just write another book/winge to Sir Trevor McDoughnut and we'd have to endure her face again.
  14. Not if you kill her.
  15. But then who do I send the threatening letters to?