The scathing wit of drill instructors is legendary; dripping with scorn, guaranteed to humiliate, yet funny enough to give everyone else in the squad a laugh too. The best are the ones that can do all that without even swearing, but that shouldn't stop foul language from being included here. This is, after all, the NAAFI bar. My own favourite is "[insert name here], why are you looking down? There is no money there, I have already checked!" or [as recounted by Patrick Litchfield to Michael Parkinson when discussing the Sultan of Brunei's time at Sandhurst] "Stand still, you 'orrible little monarch, you!" Any more offers?