fatty - joining ta shortly - first wknd coming. Bum hurts

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by flickflab, Oct 19, 2006.

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  1. Hello all,

    well, here I am sitting on my tod in a lovely, disreputable hotel in manchester, drinking wine and smoking tabs. I've just attempted to balance precariously on the bath taps, whilst holding on to the shower rail in order to inspect my bottom for piles in the mirror (given recent itchings in the anus region). I found nothing more out of place than an errant pube. It's probably ringworm. I fell off. I hurt.

    Anyway, I'm at a slight low, I have missed a bash with my mate who was on telly tonight, I have a rubber duck shaped bruise on my arse and also have a TA weekend looming in the near future, the first of basic training. It's the HAC. Hoo-rah.

    However, I digress - Despite efforts to diet and get fit, I am still a five foot eight, fourteen stone chubby - I run 5k in 24 mins, on a treadmill (easier than real running) - a bit gay, as I used to be respectably fit. Naturally, the first weekend will hurt, but it will not kill me - my worry is getting to the end of the course with the extra weight (love handles an tits mainly). Are there any ex fattys with advice for turning things around? I am quite keen and do not have a problem putting effort into fitness training, but this weight will not come off - I hate every inch of my newly aquired lard. I do look squeezably soft though.

    I look forward to the ribbing, but any advice will help. Thaaaaanks
  2. You're about to start your training so there's fcuk all you can do about it except get stuck in. I imagine a TA weekend, being just a weekend, will not be long enough to shift any weight so that's up to you when you get home.

    If you can't rid of the weight all is not lost. You could join the AGC (it's full of fat cnuts and those that aren't fat are just cnuts). With such an infatuation with your butt region there's always the RAF you could slide back, er... I mean fall back on.

    Good luck in whatever shite you end up fcuking up in.
  3. Totally correct, I don't imagine being thrown into a cell for the weekend and being starved, so weight loss will be...nothing essentially. My real question, despite being anally fixated, was really, at the end, do I have fcuk all chance of completing training, or do I have a fair stab at it?

    AGC? Nah - I quite like the idea of soldiering, otherwise I'd just increase my hours at work in order to become more at one with my desk.


    "Good luck in whatever shite you end up fcuking up in"

    Cheers! I'm not into scat.
  5. You do realise now that everyone in the HAC is going to know who you are, and that you spent Thursday night trying to espy your own anus?

    What a way to join an honourable Corps! :lol:

    You'll be fine. I am fat-ish. Was fatter, getting slimmer. After the medical, it seems to make more difference how fast you can run than how fat you are. Fat blokes that are fit enough, are fit enough. You might be slim, but if you can't do the assault course, etc, it;s no good.

    The medical (if you haven't had it yet) might weed you out if your BMI is significantly more than 28 though... That said, mine was 28.6 and I got through.


    P.s. Who's your mate on the telly?
  6. Thanks for the replies so far - ultimately I admit that posting for this is pointless, it's all down to me at the end of the day, but gayly, support helps. as support also helps my bouncing man breasts :)

    My BMI is quite high, but is deceptive as I have a big build (yeah, yeah, big bones) - My ideal weight (for me) of 12 stone 8, is still "fkcing hell" on the BMI scale.

    My mate, well, I couldn't say really wihout p*ssing him off - But it may have been crime-watch.
  7. Since when did the miltary give a shite about BMI? What happened to work hard, play hard? Pi$$ up all weekend followed by some serious tabbing on the Monday?
  8. Sounds good to me! Do you get pies?
  9. Probably, but you have to run for them.

    No run, no gun. No fly, no pie.
  10. There's something on the website about a maximum BMI of 28 for selection. That said, I got through just above that. But then, the regs tell me the TA take anyone with a pulse and two legs (even if they're not connected to you).

    And when I got in, they just called me names :cry: .


  11. aaah, it all makes sense now. Clearly a bone thread, but there you go.

    Anyone else with an itching ring? really is driving me wild. Try hosting a meeting with your hoop hanging out and your hand otherwise engaged (on a laptop)
  12. No. I recommend Anusol.

    8 out of 10 hoops prefer it.


  13. I will put the scotchbrite and ajax away then...
  14. Ring itch. Seems to come on when shopping with the missus. I'm too well heeled to start molesting my hoop through my jeans in front of a thousand happy shoppers in the mall. I wait 'till I get home before I punish myself.
  15. My advice would be to eat less pies whilst continuing the excercise.

    There are no "glandular" problems that make you tubby, despite what a series of fat folk will tell you. Otherwise there would have been a proportion of fat people in Belsen, and there wasn't.

    Less food and the same amount of excercise, or same food and more excercise will sort your moobs out.

    Hope this helps.