Father Christmas

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by oscar1whisky, Nov 28, 2009.

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  1. Yes, it's that time of year again. Many years ago I was told of a "Santa tracking" site, tried it and it's brought a smile and a misty eye ever since. Kids love it, and adults like the history/back story. It starts next week for this year's version, so go look up "NORAD/trackingsanta", and enjoy.
  2. He's not real.
  3. really??


    you've ruined my week.
  4. So who was it who wanted to come down my chimney last Christmas then Smudge? Eh? Eh?
  5. probably a pikey trying to steal your freshly wrapped playstation.
  6. I dunno where the old bugger gets to, but when he is awol from my neck of the woods, I'm generally co-opted.....looking forward to it. :wink:
  7. The nice septics and Canucks at NORAD would not lie to you.

    The website is at www.noradsanta.org/ linky.

    Also has fun Christmas games.

    Note: NORAD are the people who tell us when to launch missles. They have to tell us the truth. Besides, I know they track acurately as at the time Norad said Santa/Father Christmas was in my area I heard on the police radio in the car a call
    "11R to control, just observed a red sleigh proceeding at a high rate of speed, operator is a large white male, white hair, white beard, dressed in red clothing, vehicle seen in the vicinity of Brattle Street heading towards the Parkway"
    numerous other units picked up with observations of the same suspect red vehicle. However soon I heard "Car 21 (patrol supervisor) to all units, break off the chase, I say again, break off the chase. Operator is known to us and we will extend courtesy"

    This confirmed sighting by local police confirmed the accuracy of the NORAD reports.
  8. Consider the following:

    1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

    2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

    This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

    This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

    On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

    We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

    5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

    In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

    Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

    (NOTE: This appeared in the SPY Magazine (January, 1990) )
  9. And if he survived all that then he has to eat 91.8 million mince pies so he would be a fat barsteward
  10. 214,200 reindeer need to crap at some time during the evening. That is a F***ING big pile of poo, travelling at - how fast ???
  11. But Santa is.....Magic. My mum told me when I was 3

  12. 40950000000 calories in one night

    Hope he does some serious gym work after all that lot
  13. Keep the faith & hold on to that memory. :wink:
  14. But she also told you 'uncle' Bert was just a friend who kept the bogey-man away when dad was on tour.

    Did she keep a packet of OMO in the kitchen window long after they stopped selling it?
  15. Thank you vvaannmmaann,

    ”No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.”

    A while ago there was a docu ( :D ) about dragons. ‘How can several tons of beast fly with hopelessly inadequate wings, and spit fire?’ or are they actually tiny and friends of Ivor? The docu (?) maintained they were big, and had tiny wings, but, possessed intestinal chemistry which produced hydrogen which was stored in reservoir bladders. Hence, when full, the hydrogen gas provided the buoyancy and only small wings were needed to propel the creature. Structural mechanics in the dragon’s neck could generate a spark when required, which could ignite any hydrogen gas the dragon chose to expel from it’s mouth. Ergo, a dragon could both fly and belch fire as long as there was sufficient hydrogen in its reservoir. When depleted had to wait for it’s system to regenerate.

    Could a reindeer have a hydrogen system? Possibly, but it would also need wings for movement, and, achieve a lot more than the estimated 70 mph associated with a dragon? Perhaps, without wings, they used jet propulsion from their rears? Maybe even supplemented with addition oxygen forced though a nasal ram system (and thereafter the nitrogen was filtered out), to provide turbo or even afterburn?

    Perhaps Rudolph should be more accurately termed ‘Rudolph the red-arrsed reindeer’?

    However, none of this could explain the phenomenal speed required, not to mention all the other bizarre physical properties.

    Ergo, the answer must lay outside the conventional box, and with quantum mechanics. ;) One solution is that the ‘Santa project’ possesses Infinite Improbability Drive (IID), which when activated allows mass to pass simultaneously through all points of the Universe. A by-product of this was found to instantaneously cause various into being. Ergo, if Santa has full manipulation of this, it could be regulated to cause selected ‘presents’ to appear at predetermined locations simultaneously when the IID was activated. ;) This would leave gut-bucket Santa free to simultaneously scoff all the food and drink left out for him!

    ”There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.”

    The reason for this lays in the hijacking of Father Christmas by Coca Cola in the 1930’s. Santa is actually bollox but seems to fit remarkably well in Septic culture – one wonders why? :roll: The flying red figment was a very clever advertising ploy of said beverage makers – arguably the most successful promo the world has seen – to re-brand Father Christmas in their product colours (or colors :D ). If this is not the case then I ‘celebrate’ Santa 365 days a year every time I operate a ring-pull? :omg:

    Father Christmas had in turn been hijacked and rebranded by the Christians, from ‘The Spirit of Winter’/‘The Man of the Woods’ and other pseudonyms. But, this Spirit was Pagan, not Christian, and celebrated the Winter Solstice being the turning point of the countryside ‘dying off’ to regeneration for Spring. Dragging a tree indoors and burning of the Yule Log, even feasting and the giving of gifts, are all throwbacks to Pagan ceremony, :omg: This was seen as an appropriate spin point in selling Christianity to the Pagans, so JC was declared as being born at this time, and, the good ‘ole established ‘Spirit’ was rebranded as Father Christ-mass. Ergo, he is only going to visit Christian children.

    [align=center]”it’s a poor excuse to pick a man’s pocket every 25th of December.”[/align]