Fat Splashers

Gawd be thanked for our luvverly sloppers. Chuffed you get higher rate pay, wont say a word against any of you.
But seriously, why do you all stink of pies, cant you take a shower?
Ration Assasins. Don't you love them? I ******* don't. They are only good at coming up with witty phrases, you know,
"It's a selection not a collection!" :mad:
"Only one choice gents!" :mad: :mad:
Boring! Get a bloody life, I realise that it's a hard course, it must be. No-ones passed it yet, but the way you stand at the hotplate, well luke warm plate gets right on my nipple ends. Empire building at it's best. Anyone whose been to Kosovo lately,at Waterloo Lines, will know what I mean. You go into scoff and the UnterFuhrer Top Chip is looking over his domain occasionally pointing and shouting and waving a soggy chip at someone who has taken a steak and tried to sneak a bit of chicken. Gasp!!! Major crime.
Wise up and stop being arses. I know you can't but try. ::) ::) ::)
We used to call then 'Fitters & Turners'..... nothing tech about it but they manage to fit food in the oven and turn out sh1t  ;D

Mind you, I wouldn't want the job thanks so I'm glad they are daft enough to do it  :-[
"Only 1 sausage!"

Speaking of which, does anyone know what the naughty masterchef got for giving "extra portions" to a young lady whilst braving the rigours of FI at the end of last year?

Last heard of keeping his head down in Fally.


War Hero
Simple answer, if you don't like it, go onto Compo! I'm not an 'Egg Op' but if you think you can do better in Sh%&*y conditions, why don't you retrade instead of sitting on your rear ends moaning?!
Appreciate what you're saying ADUX

...and yes they do work hard. Remember one of our chefs (A Michelin starred no less) working his t1ts off in less than ideal conditions (120 degrees in the shade) at a certain Battle camp in the sunny Med, giving the lads good food on time.

Which I contrast with this years deployment, when the ruling classes nicked him, and our Masterchef presented us with nothing but fcuking GOP for 2 weeks. The food was atrocious. Not enough variety, not enough portions, and a distinct lack of thought throughout. As well as plenty of "ONLY 1 CHIP"

The CO's comments at the end of camp "..and thanks to the chefs hard work" was met by muted derision and laughter, so I can only assume his tongue was firmly wedged in his cheek when he said it.

I got a fcuking rifting for complaining, and told to grin and bear it, because my complaining was upsetting the young squaddies, and I should be setting an example.

Bollocks, if the scran is gash, it's gash.

Oh and another note to the MasterGyppo. It may have escaped your notice, but we have vegetarians and muslims now, and no , 5 days of fcuking cheese sandwiches, is not a suitable diet for someone burning 1500+ calories per day.

The oddest thing is, when we're on a company exercise, our chefs feed us lovely......

So I'm laying the blame for this one firmly at the MasterGyppos' door  :mad: :mad:


War Hero
I was in Bagram earlier this year and the scoff was just incredible, each day we had AT LEAST 6 choices of main dish, well cooked and plentiful.  The chefs worked a punishing rota, you could see they were chin strapped and on top of that had to put up with bone comments by inconsiderate F&%*wits; which REALLY pissed me off leading me to 'educate' some people.

Our Chief chef pushes out top scoff all the time, over and above his remit; BBQs, curries for leaving dos etc.  Top quality bloke.

'Fat splashers' have my vote!!  :D :D :D :D :D :D :D  


Can we have him in our unit then? I'm sure our Masterchef worships Satan! Well, he makes enough burnt offerings! ;D
Clearly with the lack of replies, everyone is happy with the chef support they receive!  Most people are quite happy to chops off about the scoff they receive but when it really comes down to it are spineless and aren't prepared to voice their opinions.  Oh well, chefs win the argument hands down!


I disagree there ADUX, if I have been served food that is not fit for consumption by pigs - and I have on the odd occasion, I have sent it back with a complaint.
But on the other hand, I will always compliment the chefs when I get nice food.
When I am with my own unit, I don't have a problem, we have some very skilled chefs who produce nice scoff.
However, the problem arises when I go on camp and quite frankly, the chefs that are working in the cookhouse aren't skilled enough to provide decent food.
The Officer's Mess pinches the best chefs and we get left with the crap. :mad:
Lucky enough to have our own chefs, and a damn good job they do too!!  In fairness, while I have been on the receiving end of some absolute muck in my time, when the conditions, and quality of the rations they often have to work with are taken into account, 9 out of ten times those boys do a grand oul job.  Couple of things you gotta ask yourself folks:  1. would you want to do their job?  2.  By all means complain if the food isn't up to scratch, but how often do you hear them being thanked when it's good?
Snipes me ol' love, I have to disagree. The O's Mess doesn't pinch the best chefs on camp unless there is a real bigwig present, and even then, only if there is a dinner.

Since the early 90s when messes started going out to contract and the ACC merged into the RLC, the number of chefs in the trade has fallen by a large number ( I hear offers on up to 50%, but I can't be in any way precise on that figure). The net result is that there aren't enough chefs to service 3 seperate messes, so typically (from my experience) going off to an encamped training area means all 3 messes eat in the same cookhouse, we just used different parts of the dining room. Often the Officers and SNCOs will use the same partitioned off segment while the guys use the main hall.  We all get our meals from the same servery, and have the same food as the lads do.

The worst scoff I have had has been at SMP which is contracted out. I have had re-heated brekkie stock re-heated and served at lunch, which I am sure breaks some Health & Safety rule somewhere, but then with a DMR of £3 and something, what do you expect? If we are out in the field we "centrally cater" rigging up a lean-to with a couple of chefs and a few No5 burners, and the quality of scoff is usually quite high in spite of the less than ideal facilities (a big "Respec!" to G***y the Scoff for some valiant efforts BTW).

My big gripe id the insistance the army has on using Sun Blest bread! The only use I can find for this concrete-infused monstrocity is flinging it at the the enemy in a last-ditched "Death or Glory" moment!
Well f*** me.........TA complaining about chefs?    If you don't like it.......bring a packed lunch!   Besides, don't they sell Mars Bars & Crisps in your Drill Hall bar (where your work) SB?   You probably don't eat as well at home!    

ADUX...wholeheartedly agree that the Bagram chefs (and those down at Souter) are tops.  The scoff was quality, better than that served up by the 'civvy contractors' in some messes that I've lived in both in UK and Germany.   The chefs in Aghanistan worked their arses off over there and worked in incredibly shitty conditions as you know.   They bloody well excelled themselves.  


Well, the old Ma Sonic is back!! Were you annoyed that Wayne Kerr was taking your place there?

Why should I have to provide my own packed lunch when I am away on camp working for the MOD? I am entitled to scoff as is every other soldier.

And like I said, I am always quick to compliment the chefs as I always do with the ones at my unit.

So don't start this TA v Regulars crap again - it's boring!!
Not a dig at the TA sweetheart.......(I'm working with a few of your lads right now and they are top blokes)just another successful attempt at getting you to bite.......you're easy and predictable..............now that is what you call boring, I'll give you that much!! ;D

Not a proper Ma wind up post, not enough vitriol.

Nice to see you back safe from kebabside Ma, and look forward to a "Celebrity death match" between you and
Wayne .... ;D

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