Fat bint too fat to be cremated

#1
BBC

A family have been told their dead mother could not be cremated in her home city because she was too large.

Penelope Stapleton from Norwich, who died last week of a heart attack at the age of 61, weighed 22 stone.

Managers apologised to her family but still told them the coffin was too large for the facilities at Norwich's Earlham crematorium.

Her daughters have now arranged a cremation 120 miles (193km) away in Watford and said they are very angry.

Daughter Natasha Stapleton said: "I know a lot of people who are disgusted by their attitude.

Services not available

"I want people to know about what happened to us and that the crematorium owners are not going to do anything about it.

"When people die you expect they must have respect and we're not getting this.

"It's really upsetting."

The crematorium has apologised to Mrs Stapleton's family but maintained they were unable to offer their services.

Earlham Crematorium manager David Baxter said: "We are very sorry that we can't look after the funeral for this family.

"There have been a couple of funerals in the last two years which we couldn't look after because of the size of the coffins."
Well quite honestly if she wasn't 22 stone she probably wouldn't be dead, she'd still be around for her kids not to be angry. If they're angry at anyone it shouldn't be the crematorium. I live about 1/2 a mile from there, it's a really nice place and I'm sure when it was put in they didn't expect 22stone muntas. Think of the risk assessment forms needed for the staff carrying that.

Why is this just another "blame everyone but ourselves"????

well, I suppose at the end of the day it's blair's fault
 
#2
crabby said:
I suppose at the end of the day it's blair's fault
That was a rather large leap of logic there Crabby. People complain, that's human nature. It's bloody annoying, but that's how it is. Everyone tries to find someone to blame when something like this happens - Blair's government did not bring about this kind of denile(sp?).
 
#3
They handled it all wrong. Once the box had gone through the curtain, they should have taken a chainsaw to her and put her through in bits.

Mind you, the sound of a chainsaw screaming into life from beyond the curtain in the midst of the requiem hymn may have raised a few eyebrows.. :D
 
#4
What would the daughter recommend?

Perhaps they should take her mother down to the local slaughter house and saw her in two with one of those big thingies they use to split cows carcases before sticking her in two seperate boxes and making an afternoon of it instead of a mere half hour service.
 
#5
I should add that if the family can't cremate her they should do something useful with her. Perhaps bring out there own line of Whale Brand Soap, I'm sure a few tonnes of the stuff can be made on the cheap.
 
#7
They could even recycle her and make enough soap for all the baths in the world cup. I'm sure the family would be much happier if she was wrapped in little paper covers with the England flag on and given to the Germans to remind them of what their grandparents did to Mr & Mrs Goldstien.
 
#8
Death_Rowums said:
crabby said:
I suppose at the end of the day it's blair's fault
That was a rather large leap of logic there Crabby. People complain, that's human nature. It's bloody annoying, but that's how it is. Everyone tries to find someone to blame when something like this happens - Blair's government did not bring about this kind of denile(sp?).
Sorry, most people who read arrse see me vainly trying to stick up for labour occasionally, and sometimes even Blair. There are people on here that would be happy with that leap of logic.
 
#9
bernoulli said:
the sound of a chainsaw screaming into life from beyond the curtain in the midst of the requiem hymn may have raised a few eyebrows.. :D
A good old fashioned axe would be quieter.
 
#10
They could slowley ease her in like you do with a big log on a fire, you know, leave a bit over the edge and as the bit in the fire burns away slide a bit more of her in, could be a long service though lol!
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#13
Should have popped her into the freezer and kept her til 5th November, plenty big outdoor bonfires then!
 
#14
Just chuck her on the braii, she'll be done by the time we've finished the beer!
 
#15
"I want people to know about what happened to us and that the crematorium owners are not going to do anything about it.
What is this girl suggesting they do, install a bigger door in the fcuking oven to accommodate their mother? How would she have enjoyed getting the bill for that as part of accommodating their dearly departed Mum?
 
#16
What Earlham Crematorium manager David Baxter didn't say was, if we put this big fat fecking hag in the ovens it will take 3 weeks to burn the old bitch :twisted:
 
#17
I'm surprised - they don't normally burn the coffins.

Oops have I said too much ???
 
#18
CHARLIE224 said:
What Earlham Crematorium manager David Baxter didn't say was, if we put this big fat fecking hag in the ovens it will take 3 weeks to burn the old bitch :twisted:
and that the heat produced would be akin to a collapsing star, turning Earlham into a fcuk off big plate of Glass ...and "that ain't gonna happen on his shift."
 

maninblack

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
They could have dug underneath a derelict block of flats and packed her in there with bales of straw before setting ligh to the lot. I know burning pigs and straw was the old fashioned method of cracking the foundations of a castle but with the energy in 300lbs of best chavbitch-lard they could have perhaps got rid of the main stand at the old Arsenal ground.

Recycle the fat moose! Make her work harder dead than she evidently did when alive.
 
#20
They could've stuck her in a wood chipper beforehand. Those mahoosive ones would've accomadated her surely?

Of course, as mentioned before, if she wasn't 22 stone she would've been alive for longer....
 

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